What will we do differently?

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What can we do now to make it easier for those who will provide care for us? We're all here because in varying degrees and situations we're all involved in care giving and have learned the good and bad of the role. I've been catching up on several days worth of posts and questions, and it led me to wondering---given our collective experiences, what are we doing or preparing for the time we will be where our parents or others we are care giving are? What can we do now to make it easier for those who will provide care for us? We've done the obvious like make a will, advanced directives, and POA's, but we all know that's just a part of it. What else can we do for when it's "us"?

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Good question, Daughter of 1930. Here is a recent question on the same topic https://www.agingcare.com/Discussions/what-would-you-want-for-your-own-old-age-final-years-197149.htm and hopefully we will get more answers.
For one thing I would recommend each caregiver here not waste as much time as I did taking care of in-laws, stepparents and my husband to the point where I had no quality of life for the past 18 years. For my own last years? There will be no children to help. My daughter had a PE (Pulmonary Embolism) in her thirties and is morbidly obese. My son is HIV+. My husband is in stage 4 kidney failure. If I skinny down to bare essentials (strip the house of accumulated memories and junk over the years), rent out rooms to cover my taxes and have reasonably good health, I may get by a few years longer. If I have any kind of debilitating illness, I will wind up in the worst of nursing homes out of poverty and necessity. That’s why I say, make sure you take care of yourself first. No one will appreciate any of the sacrifices you make, especially those that hurt your own security. I didn’t listen either. I have lived long enough to be a disappointment to everybody—including myself.
If you are insurable purchase a long term care insurance and hopefully a reverse mortgage to sustain you. I'm in the same boat without chikdren and currently taking care of my mother. I have systemic lupus and ra just to name o few. Unfortunately in my 50s. I am now 56 I didn't qualify for long term care insurance. Even group insurance so save save save.
I totally hear you FedUpNow. Know at least that there are others (me) in pretty much the same place as you. Not what I envisioned when I thought about retirement when I was younger, that is for sure.
Protect finances/assets

There are steps you can take now to practice when you're well enough so it becomes a lifestyle later.

One smart move you can do now before it's too late is find some very clever and very creative fool proof strategies to protect all of your finances and assets, even valuables within your home. Don't hire anyone until you've read this and followed all of these precautions.

* Depending on your state's laws, see if you can go through probate and file a transfer on death of your home (if you own it), and make sure to cover that in your will because you're also going to need a will in probate. This can be done through a lawyer who handles these matters. If a transfer on death is not available in your state, see what other options are open and available to you. Speak with a lawyer to make this as secure as possible because you don't want anyone coming in and overturning it, especially if you go into a nursing home.

* Nursing home proof your assets

This is done for through estate planning lawyerswho regularly handle these matters.

* Go to the funeral home of your choice and preplan a preneed based on your wishes. That way, your wishes are honored and carried out, and it relieves your family of the burden later.


* Set up your bills for automatic bill pay, but only set it up from your end. Firmly stand your ground and don't let anyone have access to your bank account! Anyone who insists, that's a huge red flag and you should not do business with that establishment.

* My next step is based on something I saw online about a caregiver taking advantage of someone with deteriorating mental health:

If you're expecting a caregiver on a certain day, schedule automatic transfers to sweep all your money into a separate account which does not have a card attached to it. First, make sure no one else is on your bank account. You want to have two separate accounts in your name only, and saw him checking accounts come with savings accounts, but you could also have a checking account two checking accounts, one with a card and one without one. Let's say you have $100 in the account with the card. You can go online (or have your banker help you with it) and schedule automatic transfers from one account to another. Let's say you only want to spend five dollars that day or maybe even less. You can schedule all but five dollars to be automatically transferred from the checking account with the card to the one without the card. That way, if anyone tries to take advantage of you, predators won't be able to get ahold of your money, even if they happen to get a hold of your card. That's because all of your money is now in another account but with no card. You can specify that when you open a second checking account that you don't want a second card for this reason. Another thing you can do if you don't want to spend anything is sweep all of your money into that other account with no card. That way, the card will get declined if someone gets your card from you and tries to use it. The only catch is you must have your account set up through the bank a certain way that won't allow transactions if the money isn't there, which I'll cover in a moment. Another thing to remember is that with banks like Huntington, money is instantly available when it's transferred online or deposited as cash. You don't have to worry if you set everything up correctly.

As promised, here's my trick for helping to protect yourself against overdrafts:

Have the manager set up your accounts in a way that won't let a transaction go through if the money's not there, this protects you against overdrafts.

* Alert the bank of your caregiver in advance just so they know you have a caregiver. That way, if something goes wrong on the caregiver's part, the bank will have a heads up ahead of time. You may also want to see if their system allows them to make a note of the caregiver situation. If your caregiver happens to be predatory, You can have your card stopped if the predator ever gets a hold of it.

* If you're still of sound mind should something like this ever arise, yet very loud to raise awareness to the situation, this will draw attention, even if you must yell "fire" really loud.

* Only use this as a last resort if you yell and no one seems to pay attention.


* The best thing you can do is to try and leave your card at home in a hiding place or even at the bank in a safety deposit box. You should still be able to put a temporary stop on your card just in case something comes up. If not, you can still lock it up at the bank.

* The best thing you can do is just not carry a purse or wallet on the day you're with your caregiver. Lock up all small valuables (preferably at the bank) and don't give no one the key. If your caregiver tries to get it from you, you may get to know the manager or a banker to see if they will hold your key for you until your caregiver appointment is done. I also think you should see this video,
It looks like the wink I was trying to share got cut out and I don't know why

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OK, it looks like half of this got cut off, so I'll retry

Protect finances/assets

There are steps you can take now to practice when you're well enough so it becomes a lifestyle later.

One smart move you can do now before it's too late is find some very clever and very creative fool proof strategies to protect all of your finances and assets, even valuables within your home. Don't hire anyone until you've read this and followed all of these precautions.

* Depending on your state's laws, see if you can go through probate and file a transfer on death of your home (if you own it), and make sure to cover that in your will because you're also going to need a will in probate. This can be done through a lawyer who handles these matters. If a transfer on death is not available in your state, see what other options are open and available to you. Speak with a lawyer to make this as secure as possible because you don't want anyone coming in and overturning it, especially if you go into a nursing home.

* Nursing home proof your assets

This is done for through estate planning lawyerswho regularly handle these matters.

* Go to the funeral home of your choice and preplan a preneed based on your wishes. That way, your wishes are honored and carried out, and it relieves your family of the burden later.


* Set up your bills for automatic bill pay, but only set it up from your end. Firmly stand your ground and don't let anyone have access to your bank account! Anyone who insists, that's a huge red flag and you should not do business with that establishment.

* My next step is based on something I saw online about a caregiver taking advantage of someone with deteriorating mental health:

If you're expecting a caregiver on a certain day, schedule automatic transfers to sweep all your money into a separate account which does not have a card attached to it. First, make sure no one else is on your bank account. You want to have two separate accounts in your name only, and saw him checking accounts come with savings accounts, but you could also have a checking account two checking accounts, one with a card and one without one. Let's say you have $100 in the account with the card. You can go online (or have your banker help you with it) and schedule automatic transfers from one account to another. Let's say you only want to spend five dollars that day or maybe even less. You can schedule all but five dollars to be automatically transferred from the checking account with the card to the one without the card. That way, if anyone tries to take advantage of you, predators won't be able to get ahold of your money, even if they happen to get a hold of your card. That's because all of your money is now in another account but with no card. You can specify that when you open a second checking account that you don't want a second card for this reason. Another thing you can do if you don't want to spend anything is sweep all of your money into that other account with no card. That way, the card will get declined if someone gets your card from you and tries to use it. The only catch is you must have your account set up through the bank a certain way that won't allow transactions if the money isn't there, which I'll cover in a moment. Another thing to remember is that with banks like Huntington, money is instantly available when it's transferred online or deposited as cash. You don't have to worry if you set everything up correctly.

As promised, here's my trick for helping to protect yourself against overdrafts:

Have the manager set up your accounts in a way that won't let a transaction go through if the money's not there, this protects you against overdrafts.

* Alert the bank of your caregiver in advance just so they know you have a caregiver. That way, if something goes wrong on the caregiver's part, the bank will have a heads up ahead of time. You may also want to see if their system allows them to make a note of the caregiver situation. If your caregiver happens to be predatory, You can have your card stopped if the predator ever gets a hold of it.

* If you're still of sound mind should something like this ever arise, yet very loud to raise awareness to the situation, this will draw attention, even if you must yell "fire" really loud.

* Only use this as a last resort if you yell and no one seems to pay attention.


* The best thing you can do is to try and leave your card at home in a hiding place or even at the bank in a safety deposit box. You should still be able to put a temporary stop on your card just in case something comes up. If not, you can still lock it up at the bank.

* The best thing you can do is just not carry a purse or wallet on the day you're with your caregiver. Lock up all small valuables (preferably at the bank) and don't give no one the key. If your caregiver tries to get it from you, you may get to know the manager or a banker to see if they will hold your key for you until your caregiver
Oh well I guess I'll have to start a second part with the other half

appointment is done. I also think you should see this video, because this video really confirms the very reason why I'm giving everyone all of these tips to protect themselves ahead of time.
youtube

* You want to make arrangements before you get bad off to the point of needing assistance. Not doing so now will leave you sitting duck for any predator later, and by then it will already be too late. Try to incorporate my tips and tricks into your lifestyle when you're young so it becomes a lifestyle by time you're old. Early preparation is key to future prevention. If you must carry a wallet, have as little money on the card as absolutely possible. What I would also do is have a dummy card, which is really an old outdated card with nothing on it. If you're caregiver demands your wallet, give them the dummy card instead if they expect you to pay 😂👍 (The laugh will definitely be on them) because they'll look like jackasses when they rack up a big bill and run the card, and the card gets declined. If this ever happens, you can tell the cashier what's going on and they will get the manager, and the manager will then call the cops.

* This will only work if and only if you follow my tips exactly as I shared them with you regarding your bank accounts. No one else will do this for you, it's up to you to do it for yourself because there's not always a guarantee someone will step up when you actually need them to, this is why it's up to you to prepare now and even start practicing the word "no" "no" "no".

* If the caregiver is predatory and wants to take you to your bank to withdraw cash because you don't have your card for they find out about the other account, there are a number of things you can do.

At the drive-through window, there's one nice trick you can pull by writing "help" on the withdrawal slip. If you go inside the bank, you can also pull this same little trick, except this time you can actually speak up and say "help". Keeping a good communication with your bank ahead of time in case something like this happens is going to be key to them having a heads up if anything ever comes up because they can help you. Another thing to look for inside your bank when you step up to the teller is scrap paper. If you have a problem with a caregiver financially abusing you, you can even call the local APS. The best account is to hear it from you when making a report.

If the predatory caregiver works for an agency, call the agency's manager and report the incident and anything else that went on. It may be that if a predatory caregiver is doing something to you, they may have also been preying on others. Prevention is key, and I hope this video will ring a bell and guide you toward taking everything I said here very seriously. I know that if I were to need a caregiver tomorrow, I know that I would be safe because I already have everything set up and I know what to do sure that they come. Do you want to be the kind of person no one messes with because it's up to you to protect yourself as though no one is around to help. There are people out there to help you, but again, there's not always a guarantee they will actually help. Watch the video and you'll see what I mean because sometimes a problem can go on for a while while a senior's money is being abused and misused. Sometimes people don't step in until it's too late, which is why it's up to you to plan early and drop it in your head to go on autopilot and already know what to do to prevent yourself from being financially abused. Just because a caregiver (professional or not), has access to your card, doesn't give them the right to use a dime on themselves because that money is to be spent on you and only you. Just because they can handle your card doesn't necessarily mean you have to let them, this is your right because it's your card, your account, and definitely your money. One smart move to make regarding your house though (providing you own one) is to only keep a copy of your contract as well as your deed in a safe place such as the bank safety deposit box. Keep the other one if possible either with your lawyer or in probate, and give the lawyer a heads up ahead of time about the caregiver situation. Have the lawyer take every possible precaution to protect you against predatory people, and you may also want to consider whether or not an irrevocable trust is right for you, or at very least a revocable one. It may be that perhaps you want your bank or your lawyer, maybe both to be your trust. Definitely a lockdown everything you have before you ever need a caregiver! Please, watch this video very carefully and you'll see exactly why it's so important to protect yourself now before you ever need a caregiver. Again, I know that if I were to need a caregiver tomorrow, no one will take advantage of me.

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FedUpNow... look into the requirements for Medicaid in your state because you would NOT have to end up in the worst of the worst nursing homes. In Arizona, once a person is down to their house, one car and less than $2000 in the bank, or as monthly income, they are eligible for Medicaid if there is a medical need. Alzheimers, dementia and such ARE pretty much automatic needs. On Medicaid, you can reside in any nursing home/memory care unit/assisted living facility that accepts Medicaid. IF you have assets, some of the better facilities have a requirement that you come in as private pay for a period of time....but most of them....once you ARE living there, they will do everything possible to keep you there and help you get qualified for Medicaid. Also, when already residing in a facility, you go to the top of any waiting list, over someone from outside. Even if you did have to go in the worst of the worst, your assigned case worker for Medicaid could help you get on a waiting list for, or look for a better place. Also, in Arizona, there are many smaller private homes that take in seniors and are approved for Medicaid. Most of the smaller homes only have like 10 residents at a time. You don't get all the same activities, van service to the doctor etc, that bigger facilities have, but you do feel more like you are living with a family. Once a Medicaid application goes in, they generally approve and start paying within 30 days, at least those have been the rules in Arizona. If you go in while owning a house, they do have the option of putting a lien on the house once you die or are no longer receiving Medicaid, unless you have a spouse...then they must wait until the spouse is no longer occupying the house. In Arizona, asking questions about Medicaid is done through the State Health Dept and I found links on their site and people to communicate with. Just wanted you to know it's not as hopeless as many think. I thought that way before we had to get my Dad qualified so he could stay in Memory Care.
kateobl
What does one do about checks? I have three transactions each month (sometimes a couple more) that require checks. Two separate accounts would be too confusing for me. Unfortunately my husband has always taken care of financial issues. Is there some way a bank card could be set up as debit only and not have credit cards? I have just recently been having to deal with the similar situation. Unfortunately my branch bank doesn't have safety boxes. A family member wants his name on my accounts. So far I have refused.

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