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I do not believe that everything that happens does so for a God-ordained reason. Pain and suffering is part of the human condition and the result of the fall - sin, imperfect gene pool, our vulnerable bodies, etc. We try to do the right thing as caregivers because it is the right thing to do, it respects the wishes of those for whom we care, we seek to honor our parents (even though they, and we, are imperfect parents), we try to live up to our expectations of ourselves and our values and because we seek to live out authentic love.

I do not believe that God wants people to have dementia, get killed by drunk drivers, be raped, etc. God is certainly seeking to be with those who provide care and those who experience negative things. God does not stop all bad things from happening to Christians (and or others). Sometime what we or those we love experience is simply bad. It may also be sad and seemingly unfair. I believe in a God who weeps with those who weep and mourns with those who mourn. I believe in a God who can give us grace to handle every situation and the wisdom to add people to our team when needed.

I am an ordained minister, was a pastor for many years and now coach and consult with churches across the country. I also work with a church that recently launched an online campus - something which could be helpful to caregivers who cannot get to church for some reason -
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What is the purpose in all this? As (another) great aunt of mine used to say: "God knows! - and He's not telling."

I like the idea of a watcher. It gives me the feeling of there being someone else around who's there all the time, understands the situation completely and cares what I do. So when you're dog-tired, fed up and asking yourself if you can really be bothered to make your mother's bed properly so she'll sleep better, and hey it's not even like she'd notice, you don't also have to be the one who says "go on. Yes you can."

He could be a bit more forthcoming with the explanations, though, don't you think? I'm just saying...
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This is a really thought provoking post. I certainly believe we have guardian angels and I like the notion of suffering being optional.
I would describe myself as a caregiver in waiting. Slowly assuming the task bit by bit- that is assuming I don't need the care first.
I read what some of you in fact most of you are enduring and hope it never comes to that but then I look at the news and see women clutching their babies and running through the streets in Syria and other countries trying to dodge the bullets. I think of the extreme fear of someone facing a home intruder or the peasants in the path of an invading army knowing what their fate will be and it wont be quick. I know why snipers in the Vietnam war ended their own lives rather than face capture. How would one feel to be driving a car over a bridge and feel it collapsing beneath our wheels.
We have one weapon with which to fight these fears and that is courage. Courage is what allows caregivers to give of their best at whatever the cost to themselves. Faith supports courage. Love supports courage. Would you rather be caring for that shriveled old woman in the bed screaming obscenities who used to be the loving mother who nurtured you and supported you in good times and bad or the poor terrified Indian girl on the bus raped with a stick thrust deep in her belly causing her death. The point I am trying to make is that there is always someone worse off than you and you can only do your best and that is always good enough. there are forces out there bigger than we are whether we have a religious belief or not. Why did the bus driver stop his bus on the bridge at that moment and pull the suicidal woman to safety. he had courage and she still has a purpose in life. Why was the bus five minutes late when my Mom and I were going into town during WW 11 and we heard an unmanned German bomb go over head. Five minutes later our bus drove by the ruined house where the bomb had landed. Why did that happen? Why does anything happen. This probably does not make a great deal of sense but that post raised so many thoughts and questions.
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I, too, have a deep faith and it gets me through daily. I firmly believe that God has a plan for everything that happens. We may never realize what that plan is. Or perhaps we avoided a tragic accident because we were home with our family member, or something equivalent. I pray and pray and sometimes HIS answer is "no". I will probably never know what He has decided for me, I just have to have the Faith that He has given me that what I am doing is what is supposed to be done. I don't feel guilt, I just feel sad that my mom "died" about five years ago and this person who is inhabiting her body needs care.
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I like the Buddhist notion that pain is part of life, suffering however, is optional.
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Thank you QuechueCare67 - it is good to know there are others on this road. I have a deep faith also. I don't find myself questioning my faith as much as I feel disappointment in my siblings for not realizing what their Mother is going thru.
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Hadenough, I have those same feelings every day...it is very hard. I have a deep faith...and just because something is hard or involves suffering...doesn't mean it is pointless or has no purpose. It is the plight of humans to wonder if we act selfishly or accoriding to gods will...hence the notion of FAITH...we don't ever know for sure...suffering is an extraordinary state of being...and I've learned a great deal from it - mostly it helps me appreciate what I have...including the ability to siffer and feel and love....hugs to everyone
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At times it is very hard to take the high road. Thank you for your words because this is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. I feel so guilty at times for what is going on in my head while my Mother is talking because at times I want to yell at her for being so self-centered, unengaged with life, clinging on to me ect..... goes on forever. I do not act on these impulses but they still make me feel guilty. So I usually just say a little prayer for patience and get on with the day.
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As a catholic I ask that question every day!

Just a thought:

People are living longer. Is that because God made some people so smart that they invent biological resources that prolong life? Or, are they out smarting God with their scholastic skills?

Fear keeps us here on earth...
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The last few months of my Mom's life were awful for everyone. I am still trying to figure out what the purpose was.
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Thank you for sharing! Faith in action is a true blessing and I have also found a closer relationship to God through this process. Sending you prayers and hugs.
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There is a big difference between spirituality and religion, the latter does a great job at engendering "guilt."
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