I'm Only 38! Welcome to my pity party!

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I've been on this forum since taking on care giving for my 85 year old father. As I sit in the hospital with him...again while waiting to go clean out another desk (this will be job loss number 3 since giving up my good paying job because it required lots of travel)...I'm resentful.

This is not what I pictured my life to be. I had a great career that allowed me to travel. My plan was to make good money and start a family later in life. Since taking on the care giver role ( Daddy's other living children provide minimal help), I've gained 25 pounds (don't have time to exercise; junk food has become my friend), my house foreclosed, I lost my car, I work two jobs and still can't make ends meet, I broke up with my BF (I'm no longer a nice person)... Everything fell apart.

I put Daddy in IL and was actually going to steal a couple of "me" days this week then BAM! He gets sick again.

I was recently cussed out pretty badly by a younger niece and accused of being selfish...am I? From what I've seen, I'm one of the younger care givers...The average age of children with parents my dad's age is 50.

I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes I miss my old life. My friends are living their lives...traveling, marrying, etc. (Wait...that's my sister who takes mini vacations with her new hubby bi-weekly)

I've wasted away to an angry, sad, fat worthless slob and I hate myself for it...

Sorry for the pity party. I'm just exhausted...


Younger niece is still an immature child, believe in karma ;)
If it's any consolation when my Mom was 85 yr I was 35...

She's 93 now and has lived with me for 14+ yrs....

I feel your pain...
Assandache....so glad to know there are other younger caregivers out there. I love my dad, but I'd rather be working right now... I feel so worthless right now
You are far too young to be doing that type of care giving and not building a life for yourself. Would your father qualify for assisted living?
Tinyblu, I know you're pity party will be well attended by members here. I have a feeling that we would all be better if there were just someone to listen. A lot of the things we hear around is sound like the problem is that there is something wrong with us. I have a feeling that the only things "wrong" with us is that we are caring and persevering when others have given up.

I do know that you have to get back to work, though, for your own sake. There's no one around who will care for you if things stay the same, so you need that money. I hope you're able to make that your top priority soon and have everything fall in place around your new job.

We want the best for our parents. We also have to make sure that we don't end up homeless at the end of our task. Huge big hugs. Maybe we can make this pity party fun. I'll bring the cheese and crackers... oh, and brownies. I'm in the mood for those.
RSVP to the pity party, I am up for it!
Should I bring the chocolate brownies, or some nice fruit and crudites?

Really Tiny, your issues are not unrealistic, please just don't listen to or engage in conversations putting you down. Including what you tell yourself-you are young, you are in the trenches doing the work. If that is even a lot involuntary, at least you are stepping up-that fact alone will make others extremely uncomfortable and likely to attack or criticize you. You have become a threat to their comfort zone, as they see you struggling and they are not helping.
Design a logical and reasonable plan of escape.
Don't beat yourself up, be kind to yourself today!
If your dad is hospitalized, contact the social worker and tell them you can no longer take care of him - get him in nursing home or assisted living & go live your life.
I agree with Kimber.. Tell the social worker you can no longer care for your Dad..
Tinyblu had just gotten him into IL when he got sick. Lung disease can be so unpredictable. I imagine the change could have triggered it. I hope they can get him stabilized and back into his new IL apartment. AL would have even been better, but they can be so costly. Fingers crossed that the load is lighter for you, Tinyblu.
Kimber is right. This is your opportunity. Get him placed, advocate for him, visit him love him, but love yourself as well. Ignore any other opinions from people who are not willing to carry the load themselves.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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