Being with the one you love and watching the changes in their declining health.

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it is not easy. Life hasn't been hard recently (last 6 years) but I am seeing his health decline. I tell myself we will just do what we can and it will be ok. Well, reality sets in and I am seeing that it is quite different now. We will be facing more doctors coming up and the future doesn't look like things can be "fixed" anymore. I am always planning for the future, but it isn't something I want to face. I am sure there is a part of this I haven't gone through and am going to come to face it. The loss of the one you love so much! It isn't soon, I keep telling myself, but you never know. It is so very hard to see the one you love strive with everything they have to just go and visit the kids and grandkids and then go home and it takes a long time to catch a breath. This is hard to watch, and I offer to do something but there isn't anything I can do but be there for him. I focus on my health to keep it good so I can be there for him and not have any issues of me to interrupt it. We have two precious dogs that we love and plus I do get out when I feel like I can to go to church and do some genealogy.

7 Comments

Fanci, you are so brave. What if you ask the kids to come to him instead. I think that is not asking too much. Time seems to fly faster now as we get older. Seems like yesterday we had babies underfoot. Now I look in the mirror and wonder how I got this far so fast! One day at a time. Every day is a gift from God. God has a Plan, so what is the plan just for today?
i learned i had hepc at the age of 40 . ones thoughts turn to sickness , poverty and eventual liver cancer . you begin to notice the obits with 19 yr old kids dying , 30 yr old men killing their wives , suicides at every age , etc . eventually you come to terms with the fact that none of us have the guarantee of another day .
well hepc has been eliminated now but theres still those absurdly dangerous motorcycles , tractors , chain saws , etc.
two of my clean living uncles died in their early 70,s . uncle bill is 82 yrs old , sitting somewhere in texas this morning having donuts , beer , and camel studs for breakfast .
it doesnt make sense . today is all we have for sure , and the day is still early ..
For today, just take a moment at a time. Make sure he can stand, walk down the hallway. He is okay right now. We do visit the kids once a week. Sometimes a grand daughter will visit. So, for now, we are okay, I just take it a moment at a time.
Fancicoffee, I've been following your postings. If your hubby is having a problem trying to catch his breath, when was the last time he saw his Cardiologist? If he takes blood pressure meds, maybe the pills need to be a tad bit higher dosage. Just a thought.

Consider yourselves lucky that your children and grandchildren live close enough to visit :) And they are close enough in case you need help... that is reassuring.
Fanci, I know it won't help, but what you're going through is very normal -- particularly when it is your spouse who is ill. Is there anyone you can talk to about the grief you are feeling? It might help some. Anticipatory grief is very real when we realize that we may lose our loved one soon. It seems unfair that we should be grieving and caregiving at the same time. Perhaps it makes the grief of loss easier since we go through so much before it is time.
Fredflyer, no, he is doing ok. This being short on air is under the care of not only a pulmonologist, but also a cardiaologist amongst other specialists. There is nothing to worry about. He is under the care of a urologist also now. I was just airing my feelings. At least they weren't hot headed or negative. I thank you for your desire to help and concern. I am glad you have been watching me, however, I was just airing some thoughts right now. He is on oxygen 24/7.
JessieBelle, I hadn't thought of that. Excellent advice. I know the exact people to get ahold of. Thanks so much! I hadn't realized that I was grieving (in complete, unrecognizeable) and caregiving at the same time. I don't let on my emotions or feelings to be recognized by him, to spare him. However, I do explain some things to him in a positive manner.

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