Wanting to die.

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I moved my mother to an assisted living facility about a month ago. She has fairly good care not anything like I would have cared for her. Nevertheless, she has given up the will to live. She isnt eating and barely drinking. She has told me she is ready and wants to die. I can understand this but it is hard to watch.


If your Mom is of sound mind or has an Advanced Directive with at least a DNR, you have to respect her actions. If you think there could be any other reason for this behavior, talk to her doctor. What is the assisted living doing to help her engage?
My Mom took 2-3 months to adjust. I would say she has done a great job of adjusting but she is still ready to go because she's lost her sense of purpose in her estimation. Ask the doctor about anti depressants? Still it's her decision.
Aging is not easy. Look after yourself though and establish your boundaries with her. For example I would let her know that if all she wants to talk about is how miserable she is, you will leave. But choose boundaries and share them with her kindly. Aging is Not easy!

Thank you Sjk911. "Aging is not easy". How true your comment is. It isn't easy for the people close to them either. She doesn't talk about being miserable. She just wants to "go home" as she puts it to heaven. She turns down any offer for activities, she isn't interested in anything but dying. She is not mobile, and she is sick vomiting or diarrhea. I know it has to be hard on her. I am always confused if I want to bring her home to die, but I know how hard it is for me to take care of her. I feel a tinge of guilt often because of her living arrangements. I feel that I have let her down by not keeping her at home, but I know how it was before. She doesn't complain at all. She is a very loving person. I just hate the thought of strangers taking care of her at the end of life. I am caught up in this whole thing called life and death. Hard on the ones who love. I have no interested family members to even be able to discuss this with.
One other thing, my mother is a loner. She doesn't like to be involved in anything unless she is in charge. She was a principal of a private school for a long time.
As difficult as it is I think we have to respect a persons wishes to not continue living. Is there any quality of life here? If not let her be at peace. If it looks as though she doesn't have much longer you may what to get her in hospice care. They will have staff come to her residence and care for her.
My mother has suffered from depression her whole life. Now at 86 she wants to die. She still eats but stays in bed as much as possible. She is very weak from the lack of exercise.
I am so sorry to hear your situation. My mom broke her hip on Friday evening. They did a hip replacement Saturday and the hospital says she can't stay there, she is too weak for a rehab center and they are saying we have to put her in a nursing home that offers post acute care tomorrow. I am very concerned that we will soon be facing what you are now.
RuidosoBB so sorry to hear you're mom broke her hip. This only adds to the challenge of aging. Facing death is not easy,but how can we make it easier for those of us tending to their care? The only thing I can do is realize this is my mom's choice and I would want to do the same thing if Iwere her. There is no quality of life left. Death will be a better place for our mom's.
Elizabeth we went through the same thing with my Mom. She spent a year and a half in a nursing home before she recently died May 9th.

She would put on a happy face for me but I know she wasn't happy. Having others do for her was never easy for her as she had always been a very independent woman.

She stayed in her room at the nursing home, never leaving it except for showers which she didn't get often cause she refused them most of the time. I can count on one hand how many times she left her room.

Although I miss her desperately I know she is free of her sick, old body now and is with her loved ones in heaven.
Thank you for telling me about your Mom. It helps to know that others have been and our going through things like this. It is really taking it's tole on me. My Mom is leaving her room less and less, eating and drinking virtually nothing. I have called Hospice now. Thanks Again
Elizabeth my heart breaks for you but I too believe that when there is no quality of life left death would be my choice too.
Thank you to all who have helped me through this process. Mom still has some good days but they are few. I send love and compassion to everyone out there who is experiencing such an array of emotions. It is amazing isn't it? We are all connected somehow.

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