I want my husband to come back and live with me, but what I WANT might not be the best choice. What should I do?

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My husband is in a nursing home. I had him admitted 1 1/2 yrs. ago. He was diagnosed with "alcohol dementia." Yes, he went through a bout of drinking; after being sober for 11 yrs. Depression and pain were the culprits. After almost losing him to that, I thought it best he go to the home. But I've missed him since. And I feel I can do as well as them as far as his care goes. I know HE would feel better being here also. He requires much needed assistance. In and out of bed, bathing, potty, etc. About all he does for himself is feeding. I prepare, of course. I miss his presence. I must admit; I don't miss the changing of his dirty pads.. His ambulatory issue has digressed. I had him home for a night recently and I realized how little help he gives when standing. I had to hoist him down our ramp to get him into the car. Which is another issue. I would need a wheelchair accessible van to transport him. That really is my issue right now. I'm unaware of the help he may be eligible for; such as purchasing a van or having a ramp put on one, etc. We have insurance that would take care of things like lifters, etc. (tricare, medicare.)
I've told my concerns to many and they all say I should leave him there;"best place for him, and he has 24hr care,etc". Doesn't help my guilt issue. Yes, I probably should talk to the hospice chaplain of my concerns... 'cause my guilt concerns DO border on my vows- through sickness and in health, til DEATH do us part...
Why can't life have simple decision matters with simple easy to acquire ANSWERS?!
I'm open to suggestions


What a hard decision you have to make. But the key word I picked up was GUILT.After you check into what options you have if you bring him home, then you will have enough information to help you make a decision that is right for both of you. You are honoring you vows, nowhere in there does it state you won't be in separate places.It also sounds as though you miss how it USED to be. My heart goes out to you and I will pray for you and your husband.
Yes, I see what you're saying about the-"the way it USED to be." I definitely miss the way HE used to be. He was such an intelligent man. Helped my children with their homework
It cut off the rest of what I typed. But not important. Just a lot of boo-hoo stuff anyway. Thanks for your reply. I will be looking forward to receiving more...and hope to lend a helping hand to someone else also. Good luck with you and yours.
I'm addressing only one aspect of your post. I'm sure others will speak to the other issues.

With Tricare insurance, I'm assuming your husband was in the military. Is he qualified with the VA for any care?
GA, the original post is from 2008...
Blannie, thanks for the reminder. I completely missed that. Duhhhh!

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