Vicious narcissistic Mother lives with me!

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My narcissistic mother lives with me. She is only 68 and has ALWAYS been a mean vicious miserable person. I am in my 40's and feel stuck. I don't bring anyone over because she finds fault with everyone. She doesn't like anyone. I mean no one! This includes all the people at her church and in 50 years of going it hasn't made her a nicer person. She has no friends and is negative ALL the time. She has no income and no other housing alternatives. She didn't plan for her retirement because her religion told her the world was coming to an end (they have been wrong 5 times).....well that didn't happen and now she is stuck with me. I work 60 hours a week and come home to her, between my stressful job, commute, bills AND her. Its really hard on me. I have one brother, who is a complete loser and can't count on him for anything. I took care of my abusive alcoholic father until he died, now her and for awhile even my brother. I don't want to feel sorry for myself. But.....when is it 'me' time? My mother's father is 91 and still doing really well. She is only 68! I feel like a doormat for my family and have cut my brother off permanently because I am tired of taking care of grown adults. I have financially assisted my immediate family since I was 15. I am frustrated and concerned this could go on for another 25 years. Anyone else in a similar situation?


It will be "me time" when you decide to exercise your right to set boundaries and say "no" to abusive relationships. And not a minute before.

Listen, Grasshopper. ;) In all probability your mother is suffering from a mental the very LEAST life-long untreated depression. You are absolutely positively NOT obligated to care for OR support mom.

If I were you -- even if you make no changes -- I would contact your area's senior services dept . . . May be at the township or county level, whatever. And make an appointment for YOU as the caregiver for a senior. Find out how you may be able to extricate yourself from this nightmare without your mother becoming homeless.

I think you'll find it's possible. And with THAT knowledge, one of two things may happen. #1--Since knowledge is power, you may find it eases your burden and thus may make no changes. #2--finding out you can free yourself may encourage you to do just that.

Doing nothing to help yourself would be very sad.
abused, you need to make a road map on how to get out of the situation. Your mother qualifies for your father's social security, most likely. Make sure she is getting it. Then locate a place for her to live that she can afford. Help her pack up her things and settle in, then wave good-bye as you close the door. You can visit when you want to, but by now you would probably prefer not to see her face for a while. Much luck to you. I hope it doesn't take long to untangle the mess that your life has become. Good thoughts coming your way.
Thank you JessieBelle and MaggieMarshall the incessant negativity from her is just too much. She is on my fathers social security but its very, very little. I should not have let her move in with me, this was a huge mistake. :(
Maybe you can apply for TItle 8 for her at Human Services. There is usually a long wait list for the slots, but if you can get her on Title 8, she could live with very little money. We had some widows who were very poor in our senior community in TX. They were on Title 8, which helped them greatly.
Time for new version of "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" with a new title 50 ways to leave your abusive mother.

It is sad to see you in so much pain
I wish I could quickly make life happy again

The path to freedom is clear by approaching it logically
I want to help you make it better and get yourself free

There must be 50 ways to leave an abusive mother!

Just use the key, called boundary
And get yourself free!

There must be 50 ways to leave an abusive mother!

I wish you the very best in your journey.
BTW, Title 8 housing can also be called Section 8 or Title VIII. If your mother is accepted, she will get vouchers each month to help subsidize an apartment.
cmagnum thank you for the kind words of support - its challenging.

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