Venting to you cuz my husband is tired.

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Childish. Me, or her? My mom had a dog for 14 years. Dog died. 2 years pass, she gets a shelter pup. Mom is 72. The pup was a jack russell mix and an absolute maniac. Mom had bloody cuts and scratches all over her arms and legs befire i said, "no more". So she took the dog back to the shelter. Fast forward......i bought my mother a mini dachshund puppy. She won't housetrain it. If we try, we hear "i thought it was MY dog" Won't let us train it at all. My grandkids, being kids want to play with the dog. Mom says to them, "can i have MY dog now?"
When she moved in with my husband and i, we got rid of our dishes, our pots and pans, our furniture ....she started out paying part of the rent, but since we have bought a house, she pays only her own personal bills then blowz the rest of her check on junk food and clothes. She doesn't go anywhere to neex clothes. Most days she doesn't bother getting out of her pajamas. She smokes. So do i, but since she's usually broke 2 weeks after she gets her check, she wants me to buy her cigarettes. She has her own car, but if she wants to go anywhere, she tells me to drive her. My husband is a truck driver, and i like to go with him, but she acts like I'm abandoning her to be with him. She buts in when the grandkids try to talk to me as if I'm too stupid to speak for myself. She makes cracks about me being overweight, which i am, but she's mean about it. I told her once that it hurt my feelings, and she laughed at me. She has taken over my house, that i have waited for thru 30 years of marriage. If she wants to take a nap (and she does 3 times a day at least in the living room) the entire household has to shut down and woe to the person who wakes her up.
I feel petty, I feel childish, and I feel selfish. But d*mmit it's my house. If my husband or i go into the kitchen, she's on our heels wanting to know what we're doing. It's a constant struggle to remember that I'm 49 years old instead of 12. If i turn a light on, she wants to know why. And I pay the d*mned light bill!! Sometimes i want to scream. I want to tell her to get the h*ll out. But she can't afford her own place. My sister's husband said he would leave if mom came to live with them, and both of my brothers simply say" hell no. But thanks for taking care of her for us". My dad is my escape. He lives 2 hours away and tells me to come anytime. But mmost of the time when i make plans to go, she says she's going with me. They've been divorced for 32 years. He does not want her at his house. So sometimes i have to cancel going to dads because of her. I can't make myself intentionally hurt her feelings. And i can't sit her down and talk to her. She doesn't believe it, she won't listen, and she gets hateful. I have found that life is easier if i just let her rule the roost, but i am miserable, and seriously considering taking up drinking. The only thing stopping me is i hate drunks.

13 Comments

There are government programs to get her out of your house. You should explain this to her, let her know that you set the rules. Naps will be taken in her room, she will pay rent, buy a portion of the groceries. How old are your kids? Do you leave them with her when you want to go with hubby on a trip? Is Mom a babysitter, responsible for the kids when you are away?
I stopped reading when you had her return a shelter dog back to the shelter, then "bought" her another one.

Why did you get rid of all your belongings when she moved in? Did she help you and hubby out with buying a house? Does she still pay rent?

Why ever do you think people whom have been divorced for 32 years should now all of the sudden be friends and hang out at each other's houses? Too many expectations in my opinion. Why cancel going to dads if your mother is capable of being on her own?

Before things get much worse you should sit down and have a serious talk... with everyone. No fighting, no arguing, no pointing fingers and no saying who does the most. Hey, your sanity is at stake here also.... if you cannot have her live with you and she has nothing of value, start the wheels for Medicaid and get her into an AL facility...


Your mother has quite a reputation of being the one person in the family that no one wants in their house!

There must be a way to get her out of your house into some low income housing or something. Where did she live after she and your dad divorced 32 years ago?

Something needs to change and change soon. What ideas does your husband have about all of this? I would imagine he's tired of her presence in ya'lls house and seeing the stress and strain your mother is putting your through.

You are afraid to say no and I'm not going to put up with this abuse in my own house from her because you are afraid to hurt her feelings? Until you can get past not being able to make yourself stand up for yourself and thereby intentionally hurt her feelings, you will not get any freedom from her abuse. She's counting on you being afraid of her instead of anticipating that you just might stand up to her. I realize that if you have never stood up to your mom that the very idea of doing so would flood your heart and mind with fear.Maybe then, you need to see a therapist to find the inner strength to deal with your abusive, narcissistic mother. You can't change your mom, but you don't have to let her suck your life into the pit that she is in. I think I'd let adult protective services know that you have an elderly, out of control mother whom you can no longer take care of and see if there is anything they can do. Good luck!
I'm rather out of it tonight. So please ignore my post. I've reported my post to the moderators and asked them to remove it. Sorry.
this might be off subject and trivial but id never refer to a heavy set person as ( fat ) . thats a very offensive term... its as bad as calling a person who drinks , a ( drunk ) .
Let's start with why she's there. When you all moved in together, what was the plan?
My kids are grown. No one expects her to babysit. She jyst takes over. I did not make her take back the shelter dog. She did it on her own rather than let us train it, and by doing so it allowed her to tell everyone that i made her do it. I would have gotten her another shelter dog had they had something other than huge pitbull mix type dogs. Pitbulls are fine, im not looking for an argument there. I would just rather have a small dog that can get used to kids because my grandkids are here often.
I know the difference between a person who drinks and a drunk. I have personal and long term history with both.
I do not expect my parents to be friends. They are civil to each other. Maybe you misunderstand....my dad dies not want her tgere, but she wanrs to go. Which puts me in the middle, just like when i was a kid.
Wow. I was told that this was a good place to vent. I do not feel "supported". Cmagnum seems to be the only person that gets it. But that's ok. My mom zeroes in on just what she wants to use against me, too. I'm used to it.
I'm done. Please don't waste your time responding. I won't see it. I won't be back.
cme, it is natural for us to ask all of these questions. When we answer one of the first places we look is on your profile to see what issues you are dealing with.
I was thinking that maybe all your sibs could contribute $$ to getting her a mobile home. I think it's totally unfair that this is all left on your shoulders and I can understand how hard it is to deal with a difficult parent. But bottom line I do think gaining the control of YOUR home back and figuring out strategies with your sibs to take load off you!

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