Upset with my two grown daughters who never call my Mom.

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My Mom is quite ill and getting worse. Now dementia is happening. I help care for her but don't do the whole job on my own. I have told both of my grown daughters that their Nana is nearing the end and that now that dementia is setting in, if they have anything to say they need to call her now. They have not called in two years. She was like a second mother to them. I have asked around 3 or 4 times in the last several years.
I am angry and Mom is hurt. What is wrong with kids today. Its not like they have to take care of her or anything. Any of you all have this happen? What do you tell your Mom or Dad who is hurt and asks why they never call


I Understand...

Do they live near by? If they don't call them from your Mom's say hello then put your Mom on the line.. That way they'll be forced to talk to her...They'll get over it and you'll make your Mom happy. That's all that matters now..

If they live near her then get together with them for lunch, you drive, when your done swing by grandma's to say hello..

I know some on here are going to say "everyone deals with aging people different" But in my case I'm still their parent and I will not allow them to ignore or disrespect their grandparent...

I've read in articles that the Millenial Generation is very self absorbed, sometimes very shallow and sees life as what it can give to them, rather than what they can do to enhance it and/or reach out to others in need. Obviously not all Millenials are like this.

I sometimes wonder if a generation, which according to some experts is focused on instant gratification, which shares aspects of their personal lives on social media and is obsessed with technology are capable of thinking of others who aren't in their situations. I think also there's a growing trend for younger people, especially ones with advanced degrees who may see the world as their playground, to resent older folks. I've read a few articles about their attitude toward older people, feeling that we're sucking away dollars that could be used for what they feel are better causes.

OTOH, many of the veterans returning are displaying so much empathy toward others that they're setting standards for charitable actions. Purple Heart Homes is one such organization, founded by veterans.

In our family, it's my sibling who doesn't call, nor do either of his adult children, both of whom are self absorbed and financially irresponsible. Although we occasionally mention them, the grandchildren would no longer get any support from us.

I really don't know what to suggest about telling your parents. I try not to mention it as I'm sure it hurts my father.
We got Caller ID on mom's line and what we found out was that people who say they have been calling her are lying through their teeth. And others that she says she has not heard from in a long time, "your sister never calls", have clearly made contact and spoke for an extended time. Don't rely on her memory for correct information.
No, they don't really live close by. And, I would not pull a "fast one" on them. My mother would not want that. I have asked and one day I wrote a letter telling them to please call her, that she asks about them all the time, and that a few minutes a month is nothing. since I had asked before, I said in the letter " I know this will fall on deaf ears". Well, I really heard it from them on that one. You know, they said I was being nasty. Just asking if anyone else is going through this. Things are different today. I know.
I have to admit maybe the letter was a guilt trip because in it I said "she was like a second mother to you". But it is the truth. Hardly hear from them myself. Once a month and then they have very little time for me. Maybe it's my fault.
Here's another thought, one which takes less effort but might comfort your mother. Buy "thinking of you cards" for them to send. If you prefer, you can stamp them, then it won't cost your daughters anything except a few minutes of effort to sign their names.

Your mother doesn't need to know they didn't initiate the action.
Whitehorse don't take responsibility for their bad behavior they are adults... Maybe it is time to "pull a fast one"..

If I haven't heard from my grown children in awhile I call them myself.. If I get their VM I leave a message " hello this is your mother, do you remember me? Please call me back!!" Everyone has a different relationship with their children..

I'm sure if they needed something from Grandma they would call..

Hugs to you, none of this care giving crap goes easy..
They live hours away from me. You mean I should send the card and say its from them? Then she will call them. It's so hard because she is hurting.
Yeah, I know all about those phoney calls that people say they make and caller ID says never made. No my Mom was not senile until last few months and now only slightly and they have not phoned her in years. Im not talking about them going to visit her or God forbid, me, Im talking about a phone call once a month or two. I spoiled those kids. Its on me.
I have 5 siblings that don't call my Mom, it bothers me more than her.. My Mom has 20 grandchildren and 20+ great grandchild.. The only ones she sees are my 2 kids, probably because she's lived with me for 13 years.. They grew up with her here.. They don't call her but when they visit me they visit her.. Don't get me wrong it's "Hey Nana how ya doing?" That's about it.. If she didn't live here I don't know how much they would see her..
The end of life can certainly show the true colors of people. Some people are right there, but other people can't handle it for one reason or another -- they're too busy, they can't stand to see their parents dying, or they don't think it's that bad. I don't really mind that my brothers aren't involved, but it has made me view the one who lives close in a bad light. The family is fundamental Christian with puritan family values on the surface. But when I see the pictures of the family going to dances, vacations, parks, and other places, it says much more about their true values. I wonder if one day my brother will wake up and realize that he let his parents slip away and paid no attention. It might be a favor if I gave him a swift kick before the opportunity is lost, but I don't really think it is my place. He should know. I agree, Whitehorses, about reminding your daughters. They won't have the opportunity again and may have future regrets if they don't talk to their grandmother. Maybe you can make it a 3-way call, so it can ease any strain in the conversation.

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