This is an update on my neighbor that has dementia and is getting worse.

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I decided to get ahold of the funeral director from the town that she is from and am setting up all of the arrangements in case of her death along with the cemetery director so I can buy a plot near her family. Next I am making an appointment with an elder care attorney so she can have a will made up. Other than that I really don't know what else I am supposed to do other than what I have been doing like cleaning her house, making her meals, laundry, taking her places along with making sure she takes her meds and taking her vitals along with all yard work, etc, etc. if there is something else I have forgotten than please let me know. I now have a greater respect for all of those that have to take care of someone Day and night. My hat is off to you.


Wow, sounds like you have been an incredible neighbor. Hats off to you for your compassion and kindness. One other thing she could do while at the attorney is designate a Power of Attorney for financial and medical decisions.
Right. If her dementia progresses and she's not able to make her own decisions about healthcare or run her household, handle finances, who will do it? Does she have Durable POA, Advance Medical Directive, and Healthcare POA signed documents?
Contact her relatives.
I doubt a lawyer will do a will or POA if she is not able to make informed decisions.
I admire your dedication and love for your neighbor. Are you certain she doesn't already have a will and cemetery plot? Have you been in contact with any of her family? You sound ,Ike such an angel, I wouldn't want to see you get into trouble with her family for doing something they should be doing, plus spending money that might not need to be spent. I hope this all works out for you and your neighbor. I sure wish you were MY neighbor!
I have talked to her brother which is the only living relative that she has and he wants nothing to do with any of this because he is up in years and just got finished taking care of everything from their other sister that passed and wasn't happy about that. She told me that she never got around to getting a plot nor any funeral arrangements so I contacted the cemetery where the rest of her family are buried and there is not a plot for her there. I just wanted to make sure that the state didn't come in and take all of her stuff and this way, they can't touch this and she can be home where she belongs and have a service that she deserves. And thank you for that nice compliment.
Yankee, if she is OK with cremation check to see if you would be be able to have her ashes interred with another member of her family at the cemetery, I had this done for my uncle.
I had talked to her about cremation but she is totally against it even though I told her that they could put her urn right between her mother and fathers grave or even on top of her moms casket. I do now have everything just about finalized from taking care of her here to flying her home and a service there along with a plot right across from her parents. I also have an appointment with an elder care attorney to take care of making up a will. She has no family at all except for an older brother. I truly want to move away from here so that I am closer to my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren but I just can't desert her like that.
Yankeetalker, that is so great that you are helping your neighbor.

What about her home? Does she own the house/condo or pays rent? Since your neighbor only has one living relative, without a Will the Probate Judge would probably give the assets to her brother. That is if there are any assets left to distribute, as there could be a chance your neighbor might need, at a later time, to pay for Assisted Living or a Nursing Home. Thus, sell the house for the funds.

Regarding the cemetery and funeral, I see from your last post that upon her passing, she wants to be buried in her old home town. When I did that for my Mom, it took two funeral homes to deal with the logistics, thus two funeral home bills, plus the cost of shipping via a commercial airline, and a lot of other costs involved. The total was $15k. Hopefully your neighbor has the funds.

It is important that your neighbor has a Power of Attorney, otherwise the State would take over and make health decisions for her. If your neighbor has a time of day where she is sharp, that is the best time to make an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney.

I can understand your neighbor's brother not wanting to help, he's exhausted from helping out his sister. With these 3 siblings, I wonder if there are any nieces and nephews, children, grandchildren.

I know that she owns her home which needs a lot of updating and she was a hoarder but little by little I have been donating things that I know that she would never use to the battered women's shelters to help them get back up on their feet and a lot of the other things I donate to charities and started in cleaning up her home so it looks andsmells better along with making sure she eats better than before. She has agreed to let me make an appointment to visit with an elder care attorney so she can have a will put in place. I now have all of the funeral arraignments made for both funeral homes along with the flight up there and I am waiting for the paperwork from the cemetery as to a plot near her parents. Her biggest problem is that her brother which is up in his 80's does not want anything that she has and there are no cousins, aunts or uncles, husband nor parents left'.i will make the appointment Monday for the attorney. I am her POA but a person can change their mind anytime and say that they don't want you to help anymore but unless that happens, I will continue to pay her bills and see that she is comfortable. I just hope that someone would help me if I needed it but there just aren't that many honest and caring people anymore I don't think.

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