UPDATE for "How to deal with an ungrateful, hateful, verbally abusive Mother".
Well, after I vented about my Mother several days ago, the situation has gotten even worse! She slowly has been weakening, her appetite very poor & her insurance stopped paying for the appetite stimulant she takes. (Usually prescribed to cancer & aids patients & the uninsured price is over $450 for 6 liquid oz!!) The hospice aide started coming 3 days last week to help her with personal care 2 days a week & to prepare a simple meal, & do light housekeeping 1 day (45 min) per week.
Wednesday morning Mom was so weak that I took the day off work to stay with her. I pinched her hand & it stayed tented, so she was dehyrated. Mom refuses to drink much, we have that discussion or argument several times a week. I figured she had a urinary tract infection because of the odor. At noon, I called 911 to take her to the hospital. She was admitted with a urinary tract infection & dehydration. She spent 5 days in the hospital 6 months ago with the same exact diagnosis. She refuses to drink fluids except enough to swallow her medications. Today is the 6th day she has been in the hospital, they will move her to swing bed this pm if she continues to do well with the Physical Therapy. Right now she is in diapers & can only walk a few feet with the walker.
The doctors have suggested a Nursing Home & I have to explain that she has very little money & too much property to qualify for Medicaid. Thank you to those who responded to my original story - A few of you suggested that we sell the properties at a reduced price as these properties make her ineligible for Medicaid. Selling at a reduced price automatically disqualifies her for Medicaid! The properties must be sold at market value (county assessor's values) or she will be penalized for the difference. Example: Property is valued at $150,000, we fire sale it for $75,000, the penalty is $75,000 - meaning that we have to pay the first $75,000 of the nursing home costs! One property Mom owns has become income producing property (rental) , so that one is uncountable, the income produced would have to be paid to the nursing home, but the property is saved. Her home is exempt. The only property that makes her ineligible now is 250 miles from here, and it has been on the market for 3 years now. It is very run down, unlivable at this point. I now have a protest in to the county assessor there to reduce the valuation. Hopefully they will lower it & then we can lower the sales price. My son & I have driven there over a dozen times in the past 4 years in an attempt to make repairs, etc.
My mom is getting stronger each day in the hospital because she has had an IV drip for fluids, and is eating very well. She is demanding & very critical of the nursing staff & doctors. However, now the demands, criticism, & ungratefulness are the least of my worries!!!! What on earth will I do if she comes home & is still in diapers & barely able to walk?? As I said in my earlier post, I work 9 hours a day, 4 days a week. It would not solve anything to move her into my home.We cannot afford to pay anyone to stay with her, my sister lives 200 miles away & works 50 hrs per week so she only helps 1 day
I pray that the hospital can keep her in swing bed for a couple of weeks until she becomes much stronger & can walk to the bathroom. Then when she goes home, the hospice people will help (although they are there for very short periods of time).
I will appreciate any and all comments & advise!!!