Unruly adult stepchildren.

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My husband has been sick for over six years now. Now that he is on his deathbed I'm having issues with my adult stepchildren. In the past six months my step son who is 45 years of age has continuously called my phone text me and also went on my Facebook page and insulted me. You see me and my husband have been together for about 20 years now. He has never had a good relationship with his son. When I first met my husband his son took advantage of him in every way possible. He has continuously borrowed money off of my husband. He has never paid him a dime back. He is over $30,000 in debt with my husband. He's also had his father cosigned for him a car which he never paid back. He even let the insurance lapse so the company had to apply it to the loan. And this time there was also several parking tickets placed upon the car. These tickets whenever paid so there was a warrant placed out for my husband's arrest. All in this time my step son has continuously blame my husband for everything that he is done. So after all this we had not had contact with his son in over 18 years. Now that his father is dying he's decided to contact me and wishes to get his father's affairs in order. He's gone to the extent of cussing me out and saying that I'm only after his father for his pension. See the irony of this whole thing is is that I work I provide for me and my husband Who has been sick now for over six years. The house that we live in belongs to me. I purchased it on my own with my own money. So now I think this issue is that his son is looking for a Another free handout . I I am so tired of dealing with this person. He is a stranger to me he's been nothing but rude and cruel to me since I first met him. What gives him the right to think that he is going to come into my home and assess what is mine.


One thing I have learned on this site is that toxic families combined with caregiving equals a nightmare, toxic step families even more so. Block his number on your cell phone and unfriend him on facebook. If he is as toxic as you say and has been estranged for almost 20 years you don't owe him the courtesy of your attention. You might want to document any harassment in case he causes you trouble later.
I hope your husband had the good sense to have all the legal provisions made while he was still able such as poa's and will.
When adult children are coddled and enabled to be irresponsible and demanding, bad things happen. Now you have to deal with it. I would see an Estate Attorney who has a Family Law attorney in their office as well, and explain the situation. They see dysfunctional family situations in the context of property/money disputes all the time. The attorneys can review it all, give you some reassurance and even send step son a letter to cease harassing you. I would do it while your husband is alive.
The situation may get worse when your husband passes if the son thinks he is entitled to an inheritance. I would document each time he harasses you, keep the messages left on the phone and copy any correspondence. Take this info to the police and request a restraining order.
I also would suggest getting a restraining order; you can get what's known as a PPO (Personal Protection Order) without a court hearing, at least in our area. Call the county courthouse and ask if they have a PPO office, with staff that can help you. If not, ask your local police how to get one to keep the stepson from harassing you and your husband.

Be sure to raise the issue of financial exploitation, car ownership irresponsibility, and your husband's medical state.
definitely make sure the will is in order.

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