Although reading about other's trials and tribulations should make me feel better, I just find that I feel more isolated. I am not happy about the years of caregiving that I have given to my mother, who never appreciated my sacrifices. My husband never let me get away to re-center and get refreshed and I wasn't able to maintain friendships with old or new friends.
My husband is so protective of me, I can't go anywhere or do anything without him. Sometimes I just want to get away. I'm tired of everything revolving around him and his broken back and prostate cancer. That isn't to say that I don't care, but it is sucking all of the life blood out of me.
Everytime I insist on visiting my mother with AD in another city, alone, he and I have a huge fight lasting for days. I just want to give up.
The government isn't giving us any support, and I deathly afraid of being destitute when my husband and mother die. I have been searching for a job for over 3 months, but my husband won't let me look for a job in Phoenix and the little town where I live has a Walmart and Home Depot. My degree is in Health Care Services, but I am not a practitioner (nurse, CNA) and the other positions require a master's degree, which of course he objects to.
I need to do something positive with my life and as I get older (53), I find that I am running out of time. At times, I don't even care if I do die. I am not saying that I am suicidal, just that I am weary of the years of caring for others without taking care of myself.