My uncle will not allow my grandmother to go on outings.

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Nobody phoned me to tell me she was in a nursing home I had to message a family member & ask her if she knew where gram was because I called gram and she usually would always call me back & she didn't so I found that strange.

So I had been taking her out ever since I found out she was in the nursing home every pay week. She enjoys going out & getting a muffin & coffee.

I had some time where i couldn't take her because I was sick & I was looking after my mother inlaw who was ill & she passed away in October.

As long as I keep visiting her she remembers me & last time i took her out when i got there she said Tisha I was just thinking of you!

My kids asked me isn't it strange if she doesn't know who you are & I said "No" I will just keep reminding her who I am if she forgets.

I promised myself that I would not just leave her there to rot. When my Great Aunt Marjory went in a home I was so busy with my own life that I didn't even get to see her & I promised myself that i wouldn't let being busy take away any memories that I can share with my grandmother!

When I went to get my grandmother sunday however @ the saint john st Stephen care home to take her to Dawson's cadet end of the year thing I was told that she wasn't allowed to leave the building.

My Uncle her "Power of Attorney" put a stop to any one taking her out. So she is to sit in the home & rot away I guess. She is being held hostage from any one that loves & cares enough to spend time with her because she has Alzheimer's & Dementia.

I called my uncles & he gave me the big spew about he didn't know i had been taking her out, that she has Alzheimer's what if she doesn't want to go back. In Which I told him I have been taking her out & I haven't had any issues, also I work with Alzheimer's & dementia clients & I am quite capable. He said he hadn't herd from me in years. I told him he moved away that , that was not my fault. I told him that I had always keep in contact with my grandmother Irene McAdam. He said he would let me know in a couple days. I told him that Dawson's Cadet thing is today not in a couple days. I said that was unacceptable. He told me to do what I have to. I then asked him what does that mean? He informed me that he was the "Power of Attorney" So I hung up on him. Then I had to go tell my grandmother that I couldn't take her & I made up the excuse it was because her feet were swollen. So I was late getting to the cadet thing & was upset the whole entire day.Real nice. I'm sure if my Uncle Jeff McAdam was still alive. He wouldn't of allowed this to go on.

Think twice about who you let to be your power of attorney! I would rather the government be her power of attorney then i could have had my grandmother @ my sons cadet thing today!

My uncle preventing me from spending time with my grandmother is just plain out wrong. He needs to do research! Being in a nursing home is not meant to keep them in jail. Alzheimer's & dementia should not be a jail sentence. I am a personal support worker with first aid. I have been working in this line of work for years. I looked after both my mother inlaw who was on oxygen & had pulmonary heart disease & father inlaw who had cancer.

He will be old some day as well & Alzheimer's Dementia can be inherited. I hope his kids put him in a nursing home & just leave him there to die. Weather it is just to Tim Hortons or a drive. It is good for my grandmothers health to get out & get a change of scenery!


Luvs, this often happens when our loved ones are moved to memory care. Your uncle has done this because he thinks it is best for grandma. My mom, also is not permitted to leave the building. It is not because poa has forbidden it, but because mom would have a very hard time upon return. She was unmanageable, increased disorientation and it would take many hours for the staff to get her reingaged. It is what it is. It is unfortunate that grandma did not get to see your son's accomplishment but especially with a crowd it would have been very difficult for grandma. Do not take it personally. One of my sibs was very angry when I told her mom would have a very hard time at her son's high school graduation. She wanted mom there. With thought sib finally realized that the outdoor stadium, the steps and the heat would not be a good idea.

Continue to visit her, take muffins in, sit with her outside, walk the paths, just enjoy your time with her.
I think it is wrong too, FWIW - if she has been enjoying the outings, there was no real reason to put as stop to them. Uncle is doing what he thinks is right but I think it is a big, hurtful mistake on his part. "Playing it safe" may seem prudent to him, but at this point quality of life and making good memories should be a big consideration too. Try not to hate on him for it but enlist help to persuade him, unless Gram really does have problem going back to the home afterwards.
Luvs, why don't you try getting together with your uncle, or at least having a conversation with him that isn't confrontational? I can understand that you were frustrated, but hanging up on him, posting about it here is not a mature way to handle the issue.

You feel he needs education? So, educate him, but be courteous. He is in fact responsible for some aspects of her care, so you need to respect that and work within that framework.

And BTW, keep the personal names out of your posts. This is a public forum, posts and answers are linked to Google, and now anyone who wants to do a bit of research can find out who you are. Even if you don't care, you don't have the right to provide this kind of personal information about your family.

Maybe that indiscretion is one of your uncle's concern about your involvement with your grandmother. It would certainly be for me.
luvs2knit, since you work with Alzheimer's/Dementia clients you know all about "showtiming", your Grandmother might be doing with you. Thus, when she gets back to the continuing care center, she might become a handful for the Staff, as gladimhere above had mentioned... you aren't there after the fact, thus you don't see what might be happening.

Sometimes when we are too close to the situation, being our own relative, we can't see the forest for the trees, or want to accept that a love one is mentally declining.

Plus, you are making the continuing care center look like they don't care for their patients when you said " I would not just leave her there to rot".

What's up with all the posting of full names? Are you trying to set up a paper trail of documentation?
You can always take the party to the family member who is in a facility. I do this with my cousin. I take cards, amusing photos, flowers, wreaths, nightgown, treats, even meals and her favorite beverages. We listen to music and enjoy the time we have together. I stopped taking her out of the Memory Care unit after leaving once for not very long and returning to have her very disoriented and confused. She was scared and had to comforted and reintroduced to the people and her room. It was not a good experience for her. To me, it's not worth it, when we can have our celebration there. Plus, she forgets and has no memory of an outside trip 5 minutes later.

I would try to view this from the eyes of a person who has dementia. They do not have the same perspective that you do. I would try to be supportive of the POA's position. I used to think that outside visits were important too, until I saw the aftermath. It's not that people are being mean. There may be a good cause for the concern that others don't see. We have to determine if the benefit is for the patient or ourselves and put the patient first.
At the very least, keep visiting regularly. You can bring the muffins with you. Find out from the staff how she is when she returns after a brief outing. If she enjoys it and it doesn't cause a problem when she comes back, I hope you can convince your uncle that it is good for her.

I hope she isn't sitting there rotting, though. Nursing homes typically have one or two scheduled activities per day. They play bingo. They bring in live entertainment. They have games, and socials, and some have "happy hour" days. I hope Gram is enjoying some of these things.

We can't take our mom on outings because she is a two-person transfer, with a lift. We could not manage bathroom breaks. We do wheel her around the neighborhood and she loves seeing the progress of the gardens and flower beds. We read magazines with her, color, look at scrapbooks -- there are lots of pleasant ways to spend a little time together that don't involve outings.

I hope you get to take her out for a muffin! But don't give up visiting if that doesn't work out.
I haven't read all the replies yet but no it doesn't have any thing to do with her misbehaving. The staff are all for me taking her out. They made sure I knew it was not their doing. My grandmothere is always in good spirates & enjoys getting out & I always tell her I will be back my next pay week to take her out. It is just my uncle being unreasonable & trowing his weight around because he is the big "Power of Attorney" who moved away for the city that my grandmother & I live in. He does not even live here now. He is ignorant (Uneducated) to what it means to have Alzheimer's & Dementia. & no I am not trying to set up a paper trail of documentation, I am just ugly about this situation & it is not fair to my grandmother or any one else to keep her caged up like a animal!
Luvs2knit, please read the replies. The writers are giving you a perspective as to what is going on with your Grandmother.

And there you go again, making the nursing home sound like the residents are caged up like an animal. As GardenArtist had mentioned above, these forums are easy to find on the Internet. Someone can easily Google the name of the care facility where your Grandmother lives, up will pop this very thread, and narrow down who is the patient. Even the care facility could take issue with what you are saying about them.

Have you ever taking care of your Grandmother, 24 hours a day for months at a time? If not, I really don't think you understand how complex this can be. You did reference "I work with Alzheimer's & dementia clients", but under what circumstance?

Ok first of all you are miss interpenetrating what I am saying & twisting it. I am not putting down the nursing home. If you read my post I said the nursing home was all for me taking her out. If I was not allowed to go out of my own house & get fresh air & hear the birds & feel the sun shine on my face I would also feel like I was a caged up animal & in jail. I am saying my uncle is keeping her caged up in the nursing home. The nursing home is not @ fault. They are vary nice there. I was not saying any thing bad about them. Thanks for misunderstanding the point I was trying to get across.

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