Unappreciated caregiving nightmare.

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My dad & my brother passed away within a year apart 2 yrs ago. mom has been living with me ever since.I am at my wits end but no one sees it nor cares! Its 3 siblings left in my small family. One lives out of town. My daughter has renal disease she's only 11, my son has autism with ADHD, my sister today had just been diagnosed with cancer, I have taken in her 16 yr old daughter to live with us too she is kind but very lazy & ccusses a lot. I am extremely patient but I am worn out no one helps out better yet no one can. I'm tired and angry with my elderly mom all she does is complain I can't do anything or go anywhere or she complains. She tells everyone I never feed her & I'm gone all day! I have many drs visits with my own kids and I have anemia. I never can please this woman! I have so much love to give yet she spits it in my face! I need away time from her. My sister needs me to! Ugh. I just cry and my chest hurts daily! Today I did a good thing for me i escaped & I had my face lifted. I left momma alone for an hour for ME! All h**l raised when I got home though! I feel so trapped! I am nothing what I do doesn't matter to anyone! My kids are what keep me going they love me always! My hubby is awesome.e in taking everyone in our home. I love him for that so much. I want appreciation that's all! I have given up everything for everyone else.


You are doing so much for so many. You need to take care of you and your children FIRST! I would tell mom that it has been nice having her there, but there is too much else you need to take care of. Mom sounds of the narcissistic variety. It will always be about her and what she is not getting.

Help mom find another place to live. If she doesn't have medical issues, then a senior complex may be just the ticket.
Hugs to you across the miles. You have an extremely heavy load and can only do so much. It appears it is affecting your health with your chest hurting and all of the stress bringing you to tears.. I don't know the situation of why your mother is living with you; but, it would seem that she and everyone else would be better off she were living somewhere else. Is this possible?

When an elderly person becomes toxic in the household, especially when you are raising children - something has to give- and it can't be you. You need to take care of yourself and from the sounds of it your mother does not appreciate all that you are doing. If she doesn't appreciate anything now, it will never change; from my experience, this can only get worse.

You are a wonderful and caring person with a big heart. If a different situation is possible for your mother - it would probably be best for all. If it is not possible; try to ignore the things your mother says. I know this sounds extremely difficult and it is; but I have dealt with and lived with narcissistic mother and MIL and through much effort learned some coping skills along the way. The elder services in your town is a wonderful place for support and they have ideas we might never even think of. And they also have support groups which truly help. If you can find the time, they are most helpful. Take care.
Honey, Mom needs full time care. My mother would be just like her, if she were allowed to live with me. Mother's neediness led my sister to an early grave.

No one can keep up the schedule that you have.

If I was 16 and thrown into your household, I would cuss, too. (She probably needs a professional to talk with.)

What happens if you die, suddenly? Then, your mom will be moved some place. Do that now. Talk to a nursing home administrator and get the process started.

By the way, did you have a face lift in less than an hour?
cryssy, it would be nice if everyone could pull together as a team to get some of the stress off you. It can be like herding cats when everyone has their own personalities and problems. I know you are being torn, trying to do your best for everyone. There is often one person who extends help to everyone, because he/she is the only one that can. You seem to be that person. With your two children (autism/ADHD and renal disease), it is probably too heavy of a load. I wish you could get your niece and mother on board. Then it might be manageable.

Besides being diabetic, is your mother disabled? I wondered why she waited for you to feed her and be available for her. My mother is 87 with dementia, diabetes, and severe back pain. Yet she still feeds herself two of the three meals each day. I just cook dinner for us and she washes the dishes. I do the cleaning and grocery shopping, but she is pretty good to care for herself when she has the necessities. I wondered if your mother feels like a guest, instead of a contributing member of the household. If so, maybe it's time for her to join the house as a member. A helpful grandma is so much better than a guest.

I hope you can get everything pulled together there. I envy you your hubby. He sounds like a rare gem. We need to send the two of you a big group hug.
Take care of those chest pains at once. get yourself and urgents Dr's appointment on Monday. If anyhing gets worse go to the emergency room. i would really like you to do that right now but it may be difficult for you. You are not going to be any good to anyone in the ICU or worse yet dead. mom can moan and niece can cuss but they will manage if you take the time you need to heal yourself. Blessings
Get mom out of there and into Assisted Living. And get your niece in for a good checkup, she may need counseling. At 16 she should be able to help care for her mother, and years from now she may regret the separation. My mother died when my eldest sister was 15. Sis ran the whole house. It made her a better person.
Gosh Pam a decent sister. You must be the only one here with one of those
Actually I have three sisters. Our biggest fear was that we would be separated. We raised our father the best we could. LOL
Actually Chicago 54, it was Juvederm injections on my nasolabial folds & under my eyes. I look totally fresh faced and new. Felt so happy! My husband wanted to make me smile, he did! Lol... Thank you EVERYONE! GOD BLESS!

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