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What about being shunned for getting upset and going home (180 miles away) being told drama queen.. Stay away awhile??

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The problem is that these siblings are all like managers and they have not much in the compassion area. Most are for themselves and their successes. Too bad. My focus is always on Mom, and her care.Thanks everyone for your input. I am working on letting Go and letting God!!!
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I am the youngest of 6 siblings and took FULL responsibility of my parents care. Not sure how it happened, but it worked out best. One sibling handled their bills, another home maintenance and me medical decisions. I became "close" to their physicians or otherwise the advocate from hell..!!!! The bad part was I seemed to deliver a lot of bad news and had to answer a lot of questions daily. It did upset me when my two siblings that lived out of town tried to "tell" me what to do or how to handle a situation. After a lot of arguments I made the “out of town” siblings my "support" net. I explained to them what they could do to help, like research facilities, medicines, possible issues. Managing 5 siblings is not easy, but your family could feel like you are coming in and "second" guessing the route they are taking with your loved one. This could be a "power" struggle as well, or “Mom wants me not you thing”.
Try to be a support for the local caregivers and not second guess decisions to their face, unless you have researched why it was not a good decision. Ask them how THEY are doing, the caregiver must take care of themselves or they will burn out very fast.
Hope this has helped, I know you want to help, but try to let each sibling manage their strong suit and hopefully you all can do what is best for your loved one.
Blessings,
Bridget W
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Getting five people to agree entirely is not likely to ever happen. People come form different perspectives, preferences, and assumptions. I was shocked in my own family all the medical misconceptions they had when considering limitations of life support for my my MIL - and yet they all wanted her to be comfortable and minimize suffering, so in the end it was worked out. I'm it for my mom - only child - maybe that's a blessing though it feels pretty lonely most of the time. Congestive Heart Failure is usually pretty treatable nowadays but it can sound like the end of the line if you don't know it is different than having a heart attack, for example. It can be hard to be heard when people talk over you and interrupt and think they know what's going on, and then blowing up gives them another excuse to dismiss your concerns. God Bless.
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Mostly dealing w/older sister-(works full time) -Mom is in ass/living (temp??) healing a broken arm (80yrs old w/Parkinsons) younger sis also lives close there but is dealing with foot injuries. I am not working currently so it has been ideal to help sis out by going back and forth. I believe what I am dealing w/is a family is too busy to stop and think. Mom caters to everyone and somewhat stubborn- not so dominant( actually a real great person) It is just the shenanigans that go on around her. Five siblings and we are not on the same page 1/2 the time. I am usually a quiet and loving soul and the rest seem to be caught up in the world. I seem to never be heard. So when I get upset-I explode somewhat. But my intentions are always because of common sense answers. Mom maybe next diagnosed with Cong Heart Faliure and it will be interesting to see how they handle it. Been through it w/mother in law 5 years ago. Bless her soul. Husband tells me to let things go-I am just insecure and have low self esteem. I am currently lifting it up to God.
Thanks to whoever is listening!!
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Wow, that's a hard thing to admit - if you feel like sharing more details we could maybe be more specific. Sometimes that is exactly the right thing to do, other times, apologizing openly and right away is best.

It was once suggested to me - sympathetically but firmly - that I not visit as often, or at least not so much when I knew I was aleady in a stressed out frame of mind - after I had a blowup and actually cried over my mom loudly and publicly calling me an idiot for trying to help her by bringing her new pair of shoes to the therapy room. For some reason she found that embarrassing, and my walking out in tears was even worse,

It was good advice. I thought I'd never live it down but really it was blown over very quickly, and staying away a day or two at a time helped me regain perspective. Which was reallly all I needed. I know perfectly well my mom is not rational, but had to learn not to feel it in the gut every time she spouted out even more unfair criticism like she did when I was a kid.....

bless you!
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