So my mother who lives (reluctantly) in an active senior community recently told my aunt and I she no longer wants to live. Her doctor changed her depression and anxiety meds, scheduled an mri, referred her to a psychiatrist and told her she can't be alone until she gets a diagnosis. Of course because I'm the only family here, she's now at my house. I told her she could stay for two weeks until her new meds kicked in, but she is pushing to stay until she gets a diagnosis.
My husband and I bought or first house last August and have had a revolving door of my mom, my aunt, and my niece with us since the week before closing. We have made it perfectly clear that we want our home to ourselves. We finally got everyone out last week and 2 days after my niece left she hit me with this.
My mom moved here where we live 2 years ago and i have been her errand girl assistant, and garbage bag to dump all her worries, fears and frustrations into. I am so tired. It seems it never does and only gets worse. She expects to be my everything bc somehow now that she's older i am her everything and that's just not fair.
Don't get me wrong, she was a good mother. Or relationship has been good; We've lived in different states since i went to college though. My middle sister died 10 years ago though and changed my mom's whole personality and outlook on life. I am so frustrated and this post is probably ask over the place but the bottom line is, she's been trying to sneak into living with us since we bought our home and now she's using her depression to stay there indefinitely.
Igo back and forth along myself if I'm being selfish or is she. I know in my heart that i should be able to live my life just like she lived hers. I'm only 40 for goodness sake!!! Is it wing that we want to be alone??? That we don't want to be overcome by her and her overbearing manipulative ways? She is wire manipulative and now I'm in the position of having to say mom when are you leaving we want our house to ourselves. Sorry this is so long. Any advice would be appreciated.
Make sure you go with her to the psychiatrist! My goodness, when is her appointment? Psychiatrists are very careful about how they handle suicidal patients; "waiting for a diagnosis" doesnt really sound like what a mental health professional would tell a suicidal patient. Is mom really hearing what the doctors are telling her? Do you suspect any cognitive issues?
You are not selfish to want your house to yourself. You are going to have to work on getting mom into an appropriate level of care and setting boundaries with her.
Last night after Ive let her visiting friend stay for two days (even though the agreement was one day) she asked if she could stay there for the remainder of her visit which is until next Tuesday!!! I did put my foot down and tell her no and that enough is enough. We aren't running a hotel and that woman is her friend but i barely know her and my husband didn't know her at all. It's frustrating to say the least. Just having to say no to my mother causes me stress.
It sounds like your mom has a very strong and domineering personality, and is used to getting people to do what she wants them to. You need to learn (baby steps) how to stand your ground with her.
I'd agree with her..." yes, youre right, im a very selfish daughter. "I'm practising self preservation just like you taught me to"
She isn't doing for herself because you always come to her aid. Say no once in awhile. I had a job right around the corner from my father's apt and he ran me ragged. Just before I lost the job I started to learnt o say NO and he still expected me to solve his problem...what will I do if you don;t do this? Told him I didn't know but I just couldn't do it.
When I lost my job he thought I would have all the time in the world to come and help him out. I finally had to tell him I had no money coming into the house and could not afford the gas to drive to his place. He was very offended by this and said he would give me gas money if he had to....never did. I wasn't asking him to, just letting him know that I could only manage trips every other week.
Then I got a new job but have no time off (well none that I told him about). Guess what? He learned how to get himself to a doctor appt. I still take him shopping but that is it unless he is in one of his needy modes and I have to put him off until it is convenient for me to be there. You got to take your life back.