I actually told my mother, I hate my life and I wish I was dead.....

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Yep, I told her the other night on the phone. I have had it !!!!!! Between a full time job, travelling to attend to all there needs and trying to keep up, I just snapped.
Today after getting home from work at 1 a.m. I'm back on the road to the hospital again for my dad with his income tax papers. Her groceries, prescriptions and god knows what else. I'm just exhausted and I have a VERY short fuse today. I want her to go to sleep and not wake up or me not to wake up. I taking St. John's Wart like tic tacs to stay calm. She never learned to drive. She has no idea what traffic is like. Especially city traffic. I want to check myself into the local hospital in the psych ward. My parents are KILLING ME !!!!!!!
Somebody just shoot me... Please !!!
Anksana

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Yes, PamelaSue , I see your point. Many people have those tapes playing in their heads saying "you are not good enough ", " you did not try hard enough", " you could do better" mostly from being raised by people who said those things; and that guilt is VERY self destructive and should be avoided!! You can retrain your brain and play new tapes that say -"You ARE good enough", " You DID try your hardest" and " you did the BEST you can do"- like Al Frankin SNL character- I'm good enough and darn it, people like me( or something like that). It really is important to get those bad tapes out of your head. I heard that it actually changes the chemistry of your brain.

WE ARE GOOD ! WE ARE AWESOME!! AND DARN IT--- PEOPLE LIKE US!!!! ;0)
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OK^that sounds just plain weird. Like a backhanded compliment.

There are two kinds of guilt.

Real guilt, as in, you are in the wrong. Then fix it. Case closed.

False guilt, this is bad juju. Throw this guilt out!!! You have done nothing wrong, but there are bad tapes in your heard courtesy of a bad mommy or daddy. You are NOT a bad person, you have been harmed by bad parents. DO NOT LISTEN to bad tapes. When those tapes play, turn them off by telling the voices, "YOU LIE! I am a wonderful person, a loving and caring and generous person." You may have to say this many times to kill the bad juju. Keep it up, enlist the help of those who love and know you best.
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It is impossible to do a good enough job as a care-giver that you won't feel guilty. No one can be perfect. If you did even more, you would still feel guilty.

Guilt is almost a sign that you're doing a good job. When you feel guilt, do a quick reality check to make sure you have covered the basics, and thrown in a little extra out of love. Then go ahead and take care of yourself.
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Please hon, get help even if you have to pay for a little of it. Do not be fed the guilt trip that when you were 2, they changed your diapers or took you to school. There is a HUGE difference in changing a 2 year old than an elderly person who weighs much more -- I know - I have done both. No parent I have ever heard commutes 4 hours to take their child to school.
I am constantly amazed at how I hear teens and people in their 20's referenced as a "shelfish generation." By my own experience and what I read on here, one of the most shelfish generations in many cases is the elderly.
I am in my early 40's and I am already trying to make plans as to what I will do in regards to my child (an only child too as well as myself) and my care giving situation. I do not want this for my child what I read on here and what I have experienced with my grandparents and now my father-in-law. I simply do not see how any loving parent would want to stress their child out to the point that they feel that death is better than the current life they are living. That is not love, that is narcissism.
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^that is for Jeannegibbs. hey honey, I just found your comment and got back to you. You're right. We are getting our money's worth. :D

I wish you had a facebook!
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it WAS an .org !

I do know that they have rules, it doesn't stop them from chafing or me from complaining about it. And I will continue to complain about it. If they have time to delete it, they have time to check it out.

I don't bother contacting them because I'm sure they don't give a rat's behind, lolz. Most websites don't.
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Cutting N. out of my life was the best decision I EVER made! I so wish all of you could do that. I promise you that I have never felt any guilt whatsoever, only the complete joy of release and relief. Please consider it.
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Thanks whirlpool. Unfortunately, my mom knew exactly what she was doing and what she had done. She didn't have dementia. She just didn't think she ever had to apologize to anyone, especially to me. She treated my younger sister like a princess. That's pretty much the MO of a narcissist.
I just thought of this. For mom's 80th bday, I bit the bullet and got her some turquoise jewelry she had been whining for. Her reaction? It's not exactly what I wanted, the earrings aren't the right size, where do you think I'm ever going to wear this? and Absolutely no utterance of a thank you. My sister sent her a small bouquet of flowers and I'm surprised she didn't call the newspaper and have it plastered on the front page. I wish I hadn't even bothered.
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Hi, gsw92498, I'll say 22 years is enough... My husband and I moved out of the city when we had the chance to buy a home. City prices were just outrageous and out of the question. My husband runs his own business and is a very successful contractor. Me, I run the front end of a high end pharmacy and cosmetic outlet. My parents knew we would be a couple of hours away, no matter what. That was fine for a short while
until they became more and more dependant on me to take care of there needs over the years. It turned into a total juggling act. Work, home, parents. I almost went insane trying to make it all work.

My dad in 07 insisted I take time off of work to help them in their home. I did only to learn it was for him to sit around on his ass and be waited on so he didn't have to care for my mother. Their house must have been 90 degrees at all times and became so unbearable that I just sweated all the time. I would turn down the heat only to be told.. "It's COLD in here". I stayed for 2 weeks until I couldn't take any more and arranged for home support for them. It took a couple of days to make all the phone calls and connect with the right people. A lot of the home workers turned out to be thieves. I reported them but was told it was their word against mine. They lied their way out of situations and were still allowed to keep there jobs. Money went missing, some of moms jewellery including a pearl necklace I had made for her.
I considered installing surveillance cameras to catch them but it would lead to refusal of home support and services. Caught between a rock and a hard place.
My dad is a tyrant and treated a few of them as if they were his own personal slaves. Couldn't cook, couldn't clean, etc. Nothing was going right. Dad didn't want a shopping service because they wouldn't choose the right tomatoes or lettuce and he would have to pay them to shop. So my responsibilities just grew into a catastrophic explosion. I would be so stressed out after the travelling to attend to all their needs that I would have a melt down on the way home. I just hated the thought of going to see them because it would turn into a huge bitching fest of what was SO wrong for them. Then one thing after another and on and on. Now 22 years later, not much has changed except dad has been in hospital for almost 4 months again and is on the list for a care home and mom to. I don't like the thought of my mother being at home alone because she is not safe but she is doing o.k. with more additional hours in place for her care. I'm worn out.... I'll be going in to do her grocery shopping today and whatever else. My mother will always be demanding and bossy but I just say NO!!!! if I can't manage the next task that is expected of me. The facility that they end up in is going to have a terrible time with both of them. God help them. They'll need nerves of steel.

Anksana-Moon
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Alwaysmyduty, I'm sorry that you have had to deal with those similar things. I don't think they can apologize for what they cannot comprehend and if they could have comprehended it then maybe they never would have been that way to begin with??? Hugs your way.
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