I actually told my mother, I hate my life and I wish I was dead.....

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Yep, I told her the other night on the phone. I have had it !!!!!! Between a full time job, travelling to attend to all there needs and trying to keep up, I just snapped.
Today after getting home from work at 1 a.m. I'm back on the road to the hospital again for my dad with his income tax papers. Her groceries, prescriptions and god knows what else. I'm just exhausted and I have a VERY short fuse today. I want her to go to sleep and not wake up or me not to wake up. I taking St. John's Wart like tic tacs to stay calm. She never learned to drive. She has no idea what traffic is like. Especially city traffic. I want to check myself into the local hospital in the psych ward. My parents are KILLING ME !!!!!!!
Somebody just shoot me... Please !!!


Can they not afford to hire outside help? If they just can't swing it financially, do you have other family that will pitch in with some money to hire someone ELSE? I'm not sure you should be eating that stuff like tic tacs though, I wonder if side effects could be exacerbating your situation? If you're strung this tight, then you need someone to come in and help out. If your parents can afford it but are too stingy for whatever reason, then tell them that either they hire someone ELSE, or you're through. Maybe it's time they had a reality check you think?
My heart goes out to you, truly. I am in the same predicament except I'm only caring for my 86 yr old mother. Many times(mostly in the last year) I have prayed that God will take her peacefully in her sleep or myself however he wants. In addition to trying to please her, which has become impossible. My mother has become increasingly defensive, verbally abusive, sarcastic and just plain mean to me. I heard somewhere that this happens when they lose their independence and even though you as the primary caretaker are there for their needs, they resent you. Time away for even an hour is mandatory and IF you can get away for a trip by yourself, then you need to do it or your health will decline. (This has been proven as fact)
If your parents can afford in-home help, make sure they get some. If they cannot afford help, call social services in their county for a needs assessment. They can advise you about what program they might qualify for, including Medicaid.

NancyH is right. They need more help than you alone can provide. Greekgal60 is right, regular time off for the caregiver is essential.

See to your own needs by having some of your parents needs met by others.
Thanks to all. My mom has 5 hours of home support everyday, but they don't do any errands like shopping etc. They are only there to make meals and the rest is my responsibility. Their neighbour doesn't do anymore grocery shopping for them because they have had enough of trying to help out. I am so grateful for having there help while it lasted. I don't blame them. As for the St. John Wart I am down to 1/2 a day from 3. It makes me stay calm and better than taking Valium. I have been caring for my parents needs for 22 years now. It has been getting progressively worse over the past 9 years. The travelling takes around 4 hours return trip depending on traffic. I have no other family members that give a damn. My dads brother and wife are always coming and going back from Vegas having a great time but just can't find any time to anti up. I have talked to my aunt and she is a cold non caring person who really doesn't gives a rats butt about anyone accept herself. Sad but true. My uncle has always just had a "touch" of the flu or some ailment preventing him from helping out or visiting my dad in hospital. I just gave up on them and am trying to do what I can. Being an only child is a tough ride. I have many break downs even over little things when I am at home alone. It helps to relieve some stress. I am also very lucky to have 2 wonderful girlfriends that have been down this road and are a bit older than myself. I can call them anytime I need to and they are always there for me and you guys to.
Thank you for caring and caring enough to answer my desperate notes. It means a lot me.
Luv and Hugs,
I am not a hugger, but I feel like you need one, right now.

I would think that your mother could get her groceries delivered and her meds mailed to her. What would your parents do if you didn't exist? I have said it over and over that taking care of someone often times kills the care taker. It is what happened in my family - and Mother survived. Take care of yourself, first and foremost.
When I think of how grateful I'm to have parents. The chores I do for them are like a breeze :) . I'm so thankful to The Lord that I'm able to help my Mom and Dad. Yes, I do feel frustrated some times, but only because I wish they didn't have any sickness , i wish they could enjoy this beautiful life , so I ask the Lord at all times to fill me with peace and to heal my parents.
Just to think about all they did for us as children , waking in the middle of night to see that we were fine, caring for us when we were sick, taking us to school, cleaning and changing , showering us !!! Providing food , clothing. Etc!!!! I guess what I'm trying to say is that we fall very short in comparison to everything they did for us .
I lost my adorable grandmother and miss her so much .
Every Mothers Day I wish I could say : Hi grandmother.
Every Christmass I wish I could say. : Merry Christmas
When my Bday comes, I don't hear her voice anymore.

It's easy to complain , it's hard when they live us .
There is this BIG HOLE in our chest , when we lose a loved one !!!!
Cherish your parents and be thankful to God that you are able to provide for them .

The Lord will bless you with an abundant Everlasting life :)

May God bless us all and gives us peace to love our parents as they deserve the best care .
Why do some find the need to comment on posts with religion and views that we gratefully owe our parents. Not everyone has a christian based faith or parents that were kind and wonderful raising their children. Most of the posts I read are looking for more practical earth bound approaches and support. Anksana here is a more practical idea-Tell them they need to get homecare help because you can no longer do it all. Establish your boundaries, do what you can do and offer to help them find a homecare agency. Your parents need to be realistic when it comes to what you can and cannot do. I am in the process of doing that with my very needy codependent mother and it hasn't been easy. My physical and mental health was becoming affected by being used as an easy conveniece. I have established my boundaries and do only what I am able to do. Just waiting for her to make the decision to call the agency I recommended for some of her homecare. She lives independantly and competent to make decisions and can financially afford to pay for in home care.
sounds like maybe a low dose of anti depression meds mite help,thats what i take.Do you have a poa?if you do just hire more help then start looking for a home that will take them.So sorry your bummed out,its been one of those weeks for me too.hang in their.By the way what did your mom say to you when you told her that?
My mom lives with me and it is getting unbearable, so I know how it feels. The problem is she has money, but she is so very tight with her money, it isn't funny. She starts off let's make a list. I am not listening, but she pouts like a baby. I am also taking St. John's wort, to calm down. I probably just need a break. I am glad you wrote. Needed to get it off my chest.
I agree with Debralee - you have to set boundaries or you will be the sick one needing help. And if you do have POA like sharon5252 said, just hire home health or outside help out and tell your parents they are to use them for certain things. You can't just run every time they need something. Try to make it once or twice a week and keep a running list. They can call if they need something from the store, but remind them that you won't be picking it up until XX day. If they want it before then and it's not critical, they'll figure out a way. Get their meds delivered at home and try to handle it online. Do whatever it takes to get better control of your time where you can and not let them monopolize everything. Some things can't be helped, but some things can. Good luck!

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