Today is my birthday. I cooked, made some of my favorite things and I couldn't stop crying while doing it all.

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I guess I was having a pity party since nobody in my family calls or emails or texts to see how I am doing with that woman next door. All she did was the same as always. Lay around,take pills,overdose on pills,talk about how sick she is.etc.etc. So my day was just another day in my life. I cooked,cleaned,potted flowers for myself,and just basically felt so lonely. When I went back over there just now she starts telling me "who called you?" anybody call you? I just didnt answer,I had nothing to say to her dumb ass. She is plotting to call 911 in the morning and I am glad today is over now.


deb, don't feel bad. I've learned that unless we're married with children, no one remembers our birthday when we get older. They remember it even less when we are caregiving. I feel lucky now if I get a card. And a present or a phone call -- forget about it! It's just another day in the life.

I do wish that not celebrating our birthday meant that we didn't get a year older. Now that would be cool. I would enjoy not celebrating every year.
My daughter texts me. She does all the time. I dont get anything else from anybody else in my family. I dont need cards or any presents. Just the thought they remembered. I still keep crying and that is why I came on here again.
:( I wish i was dead.
It sounds like you need some good music to pick you up. Being dead is not so good, because it is so permanent. It's not like you can be dead for a little while. I am wondering if your mother's depression might be rubbing off on you and if you need to get away for a while. It does sound like you need a boost to your spirits.

Awww Deb! Happy Birthday to You! Your AC family here cares about you. Please know that....((Hugs))

What kind of flowers did you pot up? I made a mini-garden yesterday with baby's tears and some cool low growing succulents. Stuck some tiny ceramic animals from my youth in with the plants. That cheered me up from the unending negativity I get from my mom.

Please enjoy your flowers and when you see them know there are people on here who do care and understand.
I mostly get B-day wishes from Facebook friends these days - and though Dave Berry says you should stop expecting a lot of fuss over your birthdays at about age 11, it makes my day. Henry forgot once and now knows not to. I remember the first time mom forgot my birthday - she had vascular dementia and there was no way for her to remember that any more, but it was still dismaying!

So, happy birthday, such as it is; you know, planting your own garden is what most of us have to do one way or another (figuratively or literally!), and here is my fond hope and prayer that by next birthday if not sooner, something will have changed and you can find life worth living again.
Dear Deb, Happy birthday. I think suicide is a right, but, when you want to do it, you are in no state of mind to make a major life decision and, when you feel better, you don't want to knock yourself off. Planting some flowers is a strong indication of your will to live. And you took the trouble to get on this site where we would like you to keep on breathing. Your mother is a beast. I don't know if she was always a beast, but she is now. I care for my husband and help with my aunt. Both have pretty good personalities. But I am so lonely for a girlfriend to shop with, a cousin who doesn't think I'm a drama queen or one who gives a sh*t. At a nearby hospital (Providence St. Joseph in Burbank) there is a "Leeza's Room," a place for caregivers. I don't go enough. My husband thinks they have some kind of ulterior motive or evangelistic goal. He's wrong, but it's kept me from being face-to-face with people in our situation. Hang on, darling. Please keep us posted. Pat
I dont know how Id survive without you all. That is why I posted again. Nothing ever changes in my life. I am single and dont have any real friends here because she chased them all away. I just miss so much my family up north who would do anything for a party.Lol.
Oh and I planted lobelias,sunflowers,vinca vine in pots and the ground and they all are so far doing very well. Of course it had to rain then after I watered them. Oh and some portulaca's. I plant them every year cuz they look so pretty in the flower boxes.
Thank you all for being here for me. I wish you all could of come for dinner I made.
That sounds beautiful Deb, I so enjoy flowers and plants of all kinds. Portulacas are so pretty in their bright colors. They remind me of crape paper flowers with their thin petals - so cheery.

So what was for dinner? Wish I could've been there too! It's just starting to rain here in Minnesota so I think I just cancelled my plans to grill. Going to try Trader Joe's frozen Kung Pao chicken with some rice. Not my norm, I like to 'scratch' cook, but I'm getting ready for a garage sale in 10 days. Spent the entire day in the basement sorting through a mountain of boxes of things she wouldn't let me get rid of when she lived with us. I've found boxes of empty boxes. Oh the joy of her hoarding. Yikes!

Okay, now it's hailing. Time to move the pansies under cover!

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