Today I am relaxed.

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Today, for the first time in months, I feel like I can take a day to relax. I feel good!
It has been two weeks since we moved Mom to assisted living. Yesterday, we finally finished clearing her IL apartment and had the final inspection. Sorting and cleaning took 2 weeks. Some things went to AL, some to Salvation Army, some to local charity and some home to sort and sell. Mom is being cared for and is in a safe place. It is not over, of course, as her dementia has increased since we moved her and she is continuing to go downhill. But at least for now, some of the worry and responsibility is off our shoulders.

A word to all of you who have parents who refuse to move when you know they need help - don't wait too long like we did! You are not doing your parent a kindness. The move is much harder on them (and you) the older and less competent they are. After speaking to several residents at Mom's IL, every one old us the same thing - she wasn't eating, she waited for anyone she "knew" to come and walk with her to dinner, or she went back in her apartment, or she would go to the dining room and if she didn't see a "friend" she would leave. Other residents looked after her in many ways, they noticed she was confused a lot, she had lost the ability to connect time with meals and events, she was looking worse and worse, they were all worried about her and took care of her, etc. We did no favors for her, letting her go on just because she refused to accept help, and the family didn't want her to be upset by a move. Now family realizes her quality of life would have been much better if we had done this sooner. Her AL is lovely and the people take very good care of her, which is what she needed. Now the doctor can put her on antidepressants whereas before she was not competent enough to take any meds and refused to let an aide in. She hadn't showered in at least 3 years, or even bathed in a year, now they make sure she is clean. Once she gets used to it, she will be happier because she loves having people pay attention to her! Sometimes the hard decisions are the best decisions. I'm so glad she is in AL.


I'm so glad for you and for your mom!
I hope some day Mom might actually say she likes it there. Now she says she hates it, but she has been unhappy wherever she lived for the past 40 years. So - crying wolf............For years she told everyone in the family she hated IL. The last year, she admitted she liked it and started praising it. Her friends said she NEVER told them she hated it. So she saves the complaints for us, which means we might never know if she likes AL, but oh well!
Good advice, AmyGrace. Now if only I could convince my parents to move to a retirement community... but it's falling on deaf ears.... [sigh]. Guess one of them will have to fall down the basement stairs to see the reality.
freqflyer I wish you luck. Its so difficult for them to make that transition and they don't realize the burden it places on children and family when the "choice" becomes an urgent necessity. This whole experience has opened my eyes. I'm 68, have some health problems and after the hell we went through with Mom, I want to start divesting ourselves of as much as we can NOW, while we have a choice, and time, and can sell things and turn material things into funds for our care later. Reducing an apartment and possessions to just one room made me realize how unimportant "things" are because you can't take them with you and your children will just throw them away. If only I can convince my packrat husband to start getting rid of his junk - he saves everything to "fix up for a spare". I could reduce my meaningful possessions to one small room - he needs the entire basement and half the closet shelves in the house. I HATE stuff that sits in boxes and drawers, etc and am beginning to be overwhelmed by useless stuff!@
FF I guess you feel like giving one of them a push down thpse basement stairs. unfortunately they will wait so long that that nice AL place you found will not be an option

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