To the people that don't think people should get paid to care for your elderly parent.

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And have never been in the situation are ignorant.


But your parent can.t be alone most of the time because she falls and thats only part of the problem, she has two bad knees and a bad rotary cup, but at 80 surgery is a risk. how do I care for her if I have to work two jobs just so I can have a car and a home of my own? If there was some sort of income for this situation, I could at least drop my part time job and be with her more. I spend a lot of time with her when I can but I worry about her falling and laying on the floor for 6 hours like the last time she fell because she didnt want to bother me at work! I need some sort of resource for what it is I can do in order to take proper care of my mother, I feel guilty because I am a caregiver at my job and here I am taking care of others more than I am for my own mother! any ideas?

13 Comments

Is she still in Independent Living? Maybe, she needs more assistance now in light of her decline. Can you get her in somewhere where she can get more assistance and supervision, like Assisted Living?

You don't say if she can afford to pay a salary for inhome care. I'm not familiar with how that works, but I've read here that seniors, assuming they are competent, can enter into contracts to pay for certain services they need. You'll need to have an attorney prepare it. Maybe others here who know more about that can chime in.

If she doesn't have the funds to pay for in-home care, then I would see what she does qualify for. Can her doctor order more care for her?
My mom its 74 yrs old and dont have medicaid and she cant get transportation course she only have madicare i would love to know what i should do to get her to the doctors course she lost balance and cant see very well. Please send me a feedback. She dont have home care nothing because she dont have medicaid.
Alina, search this site for "transportation", "transportation to doctors" and you'll get a lot of hits. This question has been asked repeatedly before and a lot of good answers were provided.
Hawk, oh I think it would be great if a grown child could be paid for all the hours they work to take care of their parent or grandparent or aunt or uncle or spouse. But the money would need to come from the taxpayers to foot the bill which mean our taxes would go sky high. The general public will never vote *yes* to higher taxes.

So instead, the States and Federal Government offer Medicaid to help in situations like this, where Medicaid will pay for nursing home care which is less expensive then paying for 3 shifts of caregivers at home. Some States Medicaid offer programs to give a caregiver a small minimum wage salary for a few hours of work.... as we all know caring for an elder means eventually working 168 hours a week.

Please note that a vast majority of grown children who take care of their parent do so without any pay.... unless the parent can pay that grown child.
Hawki, how old is your mom? You are working two jobs where is mom durimg that time? Does she have 24/7 care? Has doc recommemded it?
I understand your frustration hawk I really do but it is not as simple as you make it sound. In fact if your Mum had money although that may seem easier it is actually not. If she pays a carer to come in and care for her and the money is spent down that way then all is well and good. If she pays you without a contracting without paying associated taxes then not only could she fall foul of the IRS she could also be accused of spend down and lose any and all entitlement so that could actually be worse.

Below I have literally cur and pasted info on medicaid which I am sure you know about.

To answer your question though - You don't give up your jobs you stay in work and, hard as it is, you recognise that the time has come for her to move into a more secure environment and your doctor needs to support and recommend that. You cannot do more than you do - you too would become sick. It is NOT financially or physically viable for you to continue the care FOR her but it is viable for you to CARE for her sufficiently to do best by the situation as it presents. I hope I have made the distinction clear there.

Life has bitter pills for us to swallow all along the way. Those who say you shouldn't be paid aren't ignorant, far from it. They just have a different viewpoint (one that I don't share incidentally) - for them the care is more important and they will waive everything else to do it - they may also have partners and siblings who help. By the way if you do have siblings what is their input?

This is not going to be easy for you and my heart goes out to you in making tis difficult decision

Services covered under Medicaid
Each state runs its own Medicaid programs and determines which services are included. However, all states are required to provide certain mandatory benefits. These mandatory benefits include:

Inpatient and outpatient hospital services
Screening, treatment, and diagnostic services
Nursing facility services
Home health care
Doctor's services
Rural health clinic services
X-ray and laboratory services
Family Nurse Practitioner services

(Ive missed out the ones that relate to children)

In addition to the above list of mandatory benefits, states can also choose to provide Medicaid coverage for optional benefits like occupational or physical therapy services; speech and hearing services; or respiratory care services.

If she has Medicare and Medicaid then

Dual eligible: qualifying for Medicare and Medicaid
Beneficiaries who qualify for both Medicaid and Medicare Part A and/or Part B are known as "dual eligible."

If you are dual eligible, you may qualify for benefits through state-run Medicare Savings Programs (MSPs), which provide coverage for certain Medicare premiums, deductibles, and copayments. While the type of benefits available depends on the dual eligible individual's income level and the specific MSP, it is possible for Medicaid to cover all out-of-pocket expenses. Individuals who qualify for full Medicare coverage are considered Full Benefit Dual Eligible (FBDE).

In addition, those who qualify for an MSP automatically qualify for Medicare Extra Help (a program that helps low-income individuals with prescription drug costs). For more information on each state's Medicare Savings Program eligibility requirements and enrollment, please visit this list of state MSP websites.
Hawki511, no practical suggestions to add to all those above, I just wanted to send you sympathy with the heart-breaking frustration of it all. You can't look after your mother because (like everyone else) you have bills to pay so you need to work… in your case, looking after other people's mothers. And no doubt some of their kids can't look after them because they have bills to pay… and round and round and round we go. Same thing with child care. The world is bonkers, and it makes me froth at the mouth and want to burst into tears, too.
I think u should be paid for ur care giving. Because if u weren't there they would have to pay someone to do it so u should get paid as much as any other caregiver
I can see why you ay that Hospicevsfamily BUT you aren't like any other caregiver if you are family. And there are pros and cons to that

Now I don't know about the USA so I could be stepping on toes - if so just ignore me

In the UK to be a caregiver you have to be trained (unless you are employed privately) That actually means you know what you're doing whereas most of us hope we are doing the right thing and learn as we go along. There are some on here who have so much knowledge I am in awe ...some not so much and we are here to learn.

If I was to be really political about it and this is only my opinion and I know I will or could be cried down by others who feel very differently then:

The government should ensure you have adequate training to do the job professionally and with skills that will keep your stress levels to a minimum and should provide respite in a way that works for you not for the person you look after

They should pay a basic level of pay (they being the government or the person depending on means testing) to the carer for their time BUT this should be offset if accommodation and food etc is provided.

This of course will escalate taxation to a seriously high level and therefore will never occur.

From the flip side of the coin there is an argument that your parents brought you into this world and cared for you and nurtured you without pay for so doing (I do not subscribe to this - it isn't true in many cases - the nurture bit not the pay bit) and while they CHOSE to have me that was not in a pay forward way - Oh I will have kids and they can look after me later - that wasn't why I had children.

You don't HAVE to look after your parents though; so if you don't like the system the way it is, you have two options suck it up or don't do it.....I suck it up with appallingly bad grace
Yes I do know what I am doing this is my 4 hospice patient. I also work for aging adult services for 4 years.

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