I think it's time to give up.
I'm admitting that I went into this caregiving thing with a HUGE grudge because my Narcissistic father wasn't the best to deal with BEFORE he "got sick". Maybe I'm cynical, but I sometimes question if he's really sick or if he's just looking for a reason to continuously make my life a living hell.
Today was the last straw... he YELLED at me in a bank full of people. He accused me (again) of taking his money. He then screamed that my BF (whom he hates... I have no idea why) put me up to asking him for money and how we're not going to live off him. He called me all kinds of names that I dare not repeat... let's just say that he views me as a "lady of the evening"
It was AWFUL... so bad that I literally walked off and left him screaming in the middle of the lobby. This is a culmination of abuse over YEARS. He's been married SEVEN times... I've personally witnessed him physically abuse at least half of them.
My baby brother committed suicide. Daddy abandoned most of his 11 other living children...my sister and I have tried to be there for him, but she keeps her distance (recently returned to his life once her daughter went to college...how convenient).
I got stuck with him somehow. My sister (with the college child) ran away from home and my drug addicted mother left me with him. For as long as I can remember I had to care for him. I resented it. I grew up. I went to college. I moved away. I started living my life. He gets sick and BAM!!! "Lil bit" must save the day.
I TRIED. I can't take the abuse anymore. I tried to honor his wishes of not being put in a home, but I CAN'T DO THIS!!!!!! We tried independent living, but he can't even do that.
I was diagnosed with Pneumonia yesterday but I still got up to make his breakfast....his response: scream more... accuse me of faking my illness.
Something snapped in me today. I really could care less if he rots away in that facility. Maybe it's emotion, but I CAN'T do this anymore. My health is suffering... my relationship is on the verge of being over. I cry EVERY day. I don't even fix myself up anymore. I don't work out. I hardly eat. I'm always tired. My work performance has declined. He's GONNA KILL ME!!!!
so what's the deal with the money? I have full POA. IF i WANTED to take his money, I could easily CLEAN HIM OUT!!! I've NEVER done that. Guaranteed his other children would in a heartbeat.
Daddy has always been OBSESSED with his money. I think that's all he has. I HATE discussing it with him because he 1) gets confused or 2) doesn't remember the conversation then I get accused of stealing from him.
I'm ranting but I clearly pity this man who is going to die alone because he's so evil. Dimentia or not.... I should NOT be disrespected.
I'm revoking the POA. Let him figure out how to pay his own bills... I'm making him someone else's problem. I'm DONE!!!!