Time off for caregivers.

Started by

I have been caregiving my folks for 3 years. I live with them. I do not pay rent or pay for bills or food, now I strongly feel i could use 1 day a week or some time alone. When I discuss this I am looked down on and rejected. Dad has Alzheimers. Mom dialysis. 3 times a week. Is there any help I took my mother to her neurologist the doctor told her to get a caregiver besides me to help before I have a heart attack. And it could be soon.That scares me however it is overlooked by my folks. Thanks


Bob, you don't ask permission for respite, especially not of someone who has dementia. Do you have poa? You arrange for outside caregivers to come in, at first have them come while you're there and you feel you can trust them.
I understand how you feel. Perhaps if you hired someone to come in for two half-days, that way your folks would not be left with a "new" person for a full day. Once they got used to the new person possibly it would be OK with your parents to have them work for them more often, and that would give you free time. I think sometimes elderly people don't like change, and also with my parents, my father has referred to me as "young" at times, even though I am not that young. If we see if through their eyes, elderly parents think of us as young since we are their offspring, and therefore having more energy, etc. I think it's hard for them to conceive that we are at the point of exhaustion, (even though we are).
Definitely get at least one day off a week, preferably two. If you are at risk for heart attack, develop a plan B, which means looking around at care facilities and doing the pre-admittance paperwork just in case.
I appreciate all the comments on getting time away from folks. At this point my parents cannot get it done ( all the medications shopping appointments. Neither drive dialysis hair salon nail salon. big garden front and back ) however they feel and want command of everything. Moms afraid to ask my sister because my sister sis works and has a large amount of excuses.
Bob, that is the reason I refused to quit my job to be what I call "the cruise director" for my parents. My parents still live at their home alone, they are somewhat mobile.

What stresses me out to no end is my parents lack of caring about my own health, I think they are in denial that I am also a senior citizen with my own age related decline. I had to stop driving my parents all over the country side because of panic attacks when I drive.... when telling my parents about this serious situation, all Dad could say was "who is going to drive us?".... and the other night Dad said "I think I will start driving again"..... [sigh].

My primary doctor said I also need to be careful or I will get a heart attack.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support