All the things you need to deal with after a death is getting to me.

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There is so much. Especially since my brother is staying in the house and I am in charge of his special needs trust. The house and car might end up without insurance for a while. I don't know if it's my fault or if I was told I needed the papers from court saying I'm executor before I can go further. Husband expects me to take care of everything myself. He will do the same when his father dies. Brother just asks me questions and tells me what to do. He doesn't talk to strangers unless he has to. He isn't helping. Barbara


Barbara, do you have a lawyer asisting you with the settlement of the estate? That's a very legitimate expense, one that can be charged to the estate.
It can be complicated. I would get legal assistance.
I have a lawyer. She has been out of town for a week and a half. Will be back soon. But I am executor and in charge of trust. I still have to be the one doing most of this stuff.
Yes, you will be doing most of the stuff. My husband was the executor for his Dad's estate and it was long distance! The Lawyer was invaluable help, for sure. Just be sure to get in touch with this lady as soon as she is back in town. Most of all, don't stress yourself about it all. It Will Work Out. And let the lawyer know that this is overwhelming for you! I think if they know how bad we hurt they tend to be kinder!! Hope it all goes well. It was 2 full years to settle the estate for his Dad and no one contested anything. It just took that long. God Bless you on this new journey!
Along with the legal help, make a list and prioritize what needs to be done and check it off as you go through it. That is helping me to keep my sanity. The post death follow-up is like a second job and I work FT and still catching up from having been out. I even split mine up into a top tier, second tier so I can switch between them and feel like I'm accomplishing something. Just do what you can and take the time to rest, care and do things to uplift you regularly. It helps to have something to look forward to, even if it's stopping for a scoop of ice cream. For me, it makes facing the next task just a little bit easier. Hang in there, I know it's tough.
Barbara, paralegals in estate planning and probably elder law firms often handle much of the grunt work in post-death management. Ask your attorney about this; a paralegal's time is billed at a lower rate and she/he can be of immense help as this typically would be part of her/his job.

And as JB suggests, you need to make a checklist and prioritize. There are information gathering stages, action, and resolution stages. Identifying them helps to keep it all in perspective.
I am in the information gathering stage. Plus notifying places that she died. Had about 9 big bags of papers to go through trying to find all moms banks, stocks,etc. She never threw anything away. And just dumped records in bags and stuffed them in cabinets. Plus brother keeps emailing me. Hopefully the paralegal can help find all account. And tell me which accounts are no longer in existence. Also have the complication of changing car title, car and home insurance. Brothers trust makeis iit more complicated. Brother not helping and only talking to these people when he has no choice isn't good eighter. But you cant reason with a person that has a personality disorder.
bro needs to get his maligned azz a bicycle . there are hard working " working " class people all over europe who cant justify the cost of automobile ownership .
Hadnuff, oh my gosh all this paperwork is complicated, and here when my Mom passed everything went to Dad, as everything was in joint name. But still, there is so much financial stuff to do. The change of address notices was a month of Sundays just for that, as I wanted everything financial to come to my house, not to Dad's new address.

I also dragged home box after box of financial paperwork trying to get everything in order. I found using 3-ring binders helped me keep more organized. I was able to set up on-line accounts for just about everything so I can oversee what is happening.

I can't imagine how complicated everything is especially needing to work through a special needs trust like what you are doing. Whew, that does sounds like a lot of work.

When my Dad passes, I know I will be knocking on his Elder Care attorneys door for help.... I rather pay something to sort this all out.
I kept list after list when Dad passed, and I saved them for when Mom goes to make my job easier. I can;t imagine adding a special needs trust into the mix. you are doing the right thing by notifiying all the accounts you can find about the death.. that is a time consuming biggie right there! Don;t let the insurance lapse if you can help it.. if it;s the car remember to return the tags if there is no insurance or you may face fines later. If you can;t remember what you were told.. call back the "teller" and ask.. no shame there, it's a trying time. Good luck!

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