Grieving: Things I wish I'd known about grief...

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What have you learned about grief? Can you help others with some insights, or answers to their questions? Supporting others can often help the one grieving, or maybe you have just been silent for too long. Need to vent?

If you are rehearsing the moment of death;
If you were told not to cry;
If you are having nightmares, or flashbacks;
If you are coping, recovering from your loss;

You are welcome here......


There is a lot I don't know about grief, so I have visited the internet and want to post helpful things for others on here.
Here are 3 things...authored or gathered by Terynobrien:

1. You will feel like the world has ended. I promise, it hasn’t. Life will go on, slowly. A new normal will come, slowly.

2. No matter how bad a day feels, it is only a day. When you go to sleep crying, you will wake up to a new day.

3. Grief comes in waves. You might be okay one hour, not okay the next. Okay one day, not okay the next day. Okay one month, not okay the next. Learn to go with the flow of what your heart and mind are feeling.
“It’s OK to laugh, or cry, there’s no correct response,” ~ Hillary, book/film This is Where I Leave You
It will hit at the strangest times. I broke down 3 years after dad passed while at a Valentines party at MILs AL. I had been so busy taking care of things for Mom after he passed I never really cried much. Boy did I that day,, and that's OK
Thank You, Rainmom. Learning just now that this information is out there in many formats. Your answer matches Terynobrien' #4..

4. It’s okay to cry. Do it often. But it’s okay to laugh, too. Don’t feel guilty for feeling positive emotions even when dealing with loss.

5. Take care of yourself, even if you don’t feel like it. Eat healthily. Work out. Do the things you love. Remember that you are still living.

6. Don’t shut people out. Don’t cut yourself off from relationships. You will hurt yourself and others.

7. No one will respond perfectly to your grief. People–even people you love–will let you down. Friends you thought would be there won’t be there, and people you hardly know will reach out. Be prepared to give others grace. Be prepared to work through hurt and forgiveness at others’ reactions.

I like the advice in #6, Don't shut people out.

You go for it, caregiver's united!
When my Dad passed in the E.R., my brother just arrived at my home to tell me he died, on the way to being admitted to his room, in the elevator.
He had been at the same hospital with Dad in the E.R., AT THE SAME TIME that my Sil had been admitted for a suicide attempt, and we had just returned from hours spent with her. I was not there when he died.
Tears, instant thoughts-we were just there-brother said not to cry.

This was just after the Sylmar Earthquake, about 1971.
Pammzi, Years later, the sadness and loss can hit years later.

8. God will be there for you perfectly. He will never, ever let you down. He will let you scream, cry, and question. Throw all your emotions at Him. He is near to the brokenhearted.

9. Take time to truly remember the person you lost. Write about him or her, go back to all your memories with them, truly soak in all the good times you had with that person. It will help.

10. Facing the grief is better than running. Don’t hide from the pain. If you do, it will fester and grow and consume you.
There will be 15 Things.

There is a reason why, in therapy, the sessions are only 45 min. to one hour, maybe intense 1-2 times a week. Focusing on this pain constantly can really distract one from the business of getting on with life, even if for a short while all you can manage is activities of daily living.
Grieving never stops. I'm speaking only for me, but I'll never be the same after a deep and painful loss. As I move through life, I'll be "okay" but I won't be the same person I was before my father expired. I'm a different person. I never experienced the death of a family member before him and now I'm caring for slowly aging mother. I'm an only child with no other family after my mother passes away. I just didn't realize how crippling both emotionally and physically grieving can be...yes, time heals all wounds but there's a permanent scar on my heart and mind as reminder of someone who loved me so much but is no longer here. My father expired ten years ago, but everyday I feel like he expired that morning. It's just hard...very hard. I'm not depressed. I just feel there's an empty hole in my mind-body-spirit and I've been working on how not to let this hole consume me.
11-15, coming soon.

11. You will ask “Why?” more times than you thought possible, but you may never get an answer. What helps is asking, “How? How can I live life more fully to honor my loved one? How can I love better, how can I embrace others, how can I change and grow because of this?”

12. You will try to escape grief by getting busy, busy, busy. You will think that if you don’t think about it, it’ll just go away. This isn’t really true. Take time to process and heal.

13. Liquor, sex, drugs, hobbies, work, relationships, etc., will not take the pain away. If you are using anything to try and numb the pain, it will make things worse in the long run. Seek help if you’re dealing with the sorrow in unhealthy ways.

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