Grieving: Things I wish I'd known about grief...

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What have you learned about grief? Can you help others with some insights, or answers to their questions? Supporting others can often help the one grieving, or maybe you have just been silent for too long. Need to vent?


If you are rehearsing the moment of death;
If you were told not to cry;
If you are having nightmares, or flashbacks;
If you are coping, recovering from your loss;


You are welcome here......

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The Holidays (well, really, any day that was important to you and your former loved one) suck no matter how much time has passed after your loved one is gone...
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Oh patooski, I got a big smile on my face when I read about your dad and his dictionary. My dad had a dictionary right next to him at all times too! He would open a page and start reading...just for fun! His old one was getting so ratty that I bought him a new bigger one one year for Christmas. I think that was the best gift he got.

Thanks for bringing back a great memory. Well, what do you know? I guess I take after him too. That just dawned on me-I always go to the dictionary, like he did. The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree. Miss you dad. ;)
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SueC57, I love what you wrote. We Are all different - I think grief is so personal - as unique as the person who is suffering it. I know we do all talk to those loved ones who have gone on. I love that you went to the dictionary. My father always had a great big one available and always said " Look it up"! Isn't it interesting that the dictionary really describes it all so well. Heartbreak and more. Yep. Thank you.
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In 1977, my best friend was the matron of honor at my wedding. She was in labor during the ceremony and they never made it to the reception. My "wedding present" was born as we were cutting the cake! How special this baby was to me. I became his God mother. He suffered through his short life (28) with (later diagnosed) schizophrenia. He committed suicide 10+ years ago. He was never stable but was the sweetest young man. He and I enjoyed many phone conversations.
His mother was devastated when he died but I don't think she was surprised. She kept it "together" better than I did most times. (She also had lived with his disease and I haven't). We rarely talk anymore but I e-mailed every anniversary of his death. On his 10th anniversary of passing, I said I hoped that God would comfort her sorrow on that hard day. She wrote back that her pain had turned to peace and joy. She remembers all the good parts from her son and her heart is at rest.

We're all different. I still cry when I think of him. I talk to him occasionally (a practice a friend of mine thinks is "strange") and tell him that I wished he had stuck around. I also tell him that we'll pick up with our conversations when I get there. I can just see his smile. (tears falling now).
The dictionary says;
Grief-deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.
synonyms; sorrow, misery, sadness, anguish, pain, distress, heartache, heartbreak, agony, torment, affliction, suffering, woe, desolation, dejection, despair.
I am still grieving for him. I'm glad that his mother has gone past that. Everyone processes differently.
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Yoga Girl and Patty

I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Grief, as you all have been saying, can sneak up and wipe you out if not addressed early, even if it is talking to someone. Not sure, but denial is part of the process.
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I saw my grief counselor the other day. I rarely cry at home but boy when I'm with her it rains. It feels good but exhausting. She asked if I would be open to a support group run at the Bereavement Center and after speaking and listening to all of you I said I would. She is also planning on a book group utilizing "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado. If you ever want a good read and affirmation of God's abiding love for you - read Max Lucado. Lorri knew I had read this book and several others by him and said that is why she chose it. She recommended it to me. The Book Club is tentatively planned for March. I am really looking forward to it and another opportunity to read Max's wisdom and faith with other people sharing.
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The darned thing is that anything can trigger it (the grief), a smell, a picture, a piece of clothing....anything.
Then a tear and, if not "caught" in time, a flood of them. Quick, where's the Kleenex? After a quick eye dab (trying to save the mascara) and a blow of the nose, we can compose ourselves once more.
I try to look at these "episodes" as keeping the memory alive. With me, these moments are usually followed with a little "talk" to the one I'm missing. I tell them I know they are safe and happy with God and, when my time comes, we'll pick up where we left off. Then I try to divert back to whatever I was doing before I got distracted. 

Maybe it's our loved ones' way of reminding us that they're still with us, in spirit instead of body.
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Bless you all for the loss of those very special loved ones that we have been caring for. 
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Oh Yogagirl, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.
Grief is a sneaky old thing. I went into the spare bedroom where my MIL died at our house on hospice. I was going to dig out Christmas decorations. Shucks. Here came a tear. There is still nothing in there almost 1 1/2 years later. Just a big flat screen t.v. nobody watches. I just shut the door again lol!
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