There are days that I just want all of this to go away, then I feel guilty that I feel this way. Anyone else ever feel this way?
My 87 year old mother is currently in a nursing facility. This all started due to a severe case of spinal stenosis. She also suffers from anxiety and depression. She was hospitalized numerous times, went to 4 different rehabs and ultimately had surgery. This has all been going on for 5 months. Coincidently, this also coincided with my retirement (I am 60 years old). I have 5 siblings however I am the one who is handling her financial affairs and I am the one who is the primary contact for doctors, caseworkers, etc. Lately, I have found myself feeling very resentful of the situation I am in. I retired so that I could relax and enjoy myself however my retirement has been anything but relaxing. My siblings are good in the sense that they visit my mother however I am the one who must now deal with getting her affairs in order while at the same time still dealing with doctors, caseworkers, etc. with any issues that may arise concerning her. I feel like I am "on call" as numerous times I would be driving and would get a call from a professional regarding my mother. I have had no respite from this situation. I try to take care of myself by eating right and exercising however am finding that even that is not enough. We have all tried to help my mother yet along the way she has refused to help herself (refused to take anti-anxiety meds, refused to leave the house and socialize, etc.). Though I feel bad that she must spend her remaining days in a nursing facility, I honestly believe that she brought a lot of this on herself. We have done all we can for her. This has overshadowed even happy times that have occurred in the last 5 months (my son got married out of state in September and I did nothing but worry about my mother back home). I have not slept well in months and my primary care physician prescribed medication which I am hesitant to take. There are days that I just want all of this to go away then I feel guilty that I feel this way. Anyone else ever feel this way? If so, how do you move on? I am seriously considering talking to a psychologist about my feelings as this has affected all areas of my life and that of my husband's as he also retired in June and has obviously been affected by this situation with my mother. Thank you in advance.