The Loneliness is Getting Unbearable

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I'm on a roll with the posts today.

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The closer the holiday gets, the worse I feel. I'm LONELY.

... and I don't have it as hard as some who have their loved ones at home. I HAVE "help" because Dad is in UN-Assisted Living, but I work two jobs to cover what his VA benefits do not. So, when I'm not working, I'm spending time with Dad or trying to catch up on the little things in life like ... sleeping.

I decided that it wasn't even worth it to try dating because it's just too hard. I had a BF when I started caregiving and it took its toll on the relationship. I remained single for a year then met what I thought was a great guy who was willing to help out with Dad. He turned out to be a manipulative jerk who ended the relationship by telling me what a horrible job I was doing caring for Dad and how no one would ever want me. He then told me to go kill myself and suggested ways to do it.

Needless to say, after that, I just shriveled up and gave up. I don't think it's fair to bring someone else into my burden, but it gets lonely.

I'm only 40 and I have been told on more than one occasion that I'm attractive. I used to be active and vibrant. I would even have date nights to myself. Now it all seems exhausting to even think of getting dolled up to go anywhere (not that I can afford to buy the clothes anyway).

I have resolved that I will probably not get married and though women are having kids in their 40's, I won't be one of them. I don't want to be an older parent and put kids through what I'm going through.

I feel misunderstood and sad, and would love to have someone to cuddle with in front of a fire with a glass of wine. I feel stuck and won't be free until Dad leaves this world, and not knowing how long that will be scares me.

Will my epitaph read... Here lies Tinyblu... Netflix binging, caregiving spinster while Dad's lists his adventures? I've given up my life to watch Dad endure a long, painful end. It's not fair.

Sorry about the gloom and doom today. I'm really in a horrible mood.
It sounds very lonely and sad right now...hard to care for you Dad and work so hard; and to have been treated so horribly by two men. I imagine the idea of trying to take time for yourself is just a bad joke. I wish I had a helpful answer, because you sound as if you are going minute by minute.
40 is young Tinyblu. I’m almost 57. The time flew. This will pass. The sociopath who told you how and to kill yourself is evil. Be very happy that relationship is over. Keep caring about your appearance. It does matter how you feel about yourself. You’re only 40! You have many hopefully great years ahead of you. Find you time. Date nights for yourself. Sounds like you had a very healthy self esteem. Don’t lose it. You are still you.
Erinm60 is so right. I, too, and 56, and have a lot of happiness in my life. One of which is a lovely, several years long flirtation with a FB friend. We've never met, and have no intention of meeting, IRL--so he could be anyone, of course. But it is very cheering. Perhaps you could find something like that IN THE MEANTIME, not for the of your life, but until things change for you.
Ditto what Erin said - I'm so relieved you saw the back of HIM!

And by the way, nothing is lonelier than being in the wrong relationship. Just as many dreams in the fire, just as much flavour in the wine when you're enjoying them peacefully solo.

Not to say that having an agreeable companion around the place doesn't also have its advantages, of course! But there are still blessings to count if you're short of one. Hugs to you x
I will re write your epitaph for you:

'Here lies Tiny Blue caring, loving daughter who was there for her father till the end. Who endured some very hard times but through the hard times she learned some very valuable lessons ... she learned to love herself, set boundaries, and live in the moment.. she learned to endure the hard times. She was there for her father until he passed and used all the lessons she learned during this very difficult time to forge a wonderful, adventurous and meaningful life for herself."
Forget the men, find some good women friends! I'm single, never married, now 67 and I'm very happy with my life. I regret I never had children, but I'm happy on my own. I have good girlfriends who kept me centered and involved through my 15 years of caregiving. A few of them have had similar caregiving experiences, so we could commiserate and be there for each other.

And just understand that this time of year is very tough on many of us, particularly singles who are childless. We're not the "happy American family" norm and it can be very isolating. So big {{{{hugs}}}} to you, Tinyblu, from another single.
How are things going now, Tinyblu?
There is nothing wrong not having a mate. In fact, for many, it can be rewarding.
Dateline NBC has been full of stories of couples killing for love, money or both.
There is nothing wrong not having a mate. In fact, for many, it can be rewarding.
Dateline NBC has been full of stories of couples killing for love, money or both. If you love yourself, you're not lonely.

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