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Windy you are doing great. The off button will take awhile. Be good and patient to yourself.
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Thanks Golden and Mina. I’m doing ok. Will finish shoveling the roof today before we get rain tomorrow, just one small area left to do, so that’s good therapy.

I keep pinging back and forth between anger and worry. Anger about all the things my folks could have done through the years to have made this easier. Other than saving some money, they couldn’t have made things any worse if they had tried.

Worry, cause I’m not around to help, but what would I do? I’m not sure either of them would remember I was there from one minute to the next.

Having trouble finding the Off button for my give-a-damn .....
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Windy.....golden is right (not surprising, she pretty much always is)....you can torment yourself or not.....yes.....hard .....esp . from afar.....BUT....summon up some patience.....you trust these AL folks.....yess?.....so, relax a little if you can.....GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!!....so well deserved.....you have done an excellent job .....really beyond expectations!!!

Get you re: the twofers . .... bless you...beyond tough....and, Yeah.....I've been ice fishing. .....as another lifelong Northerner.....too many times for me!!...lol....best/awful time was my BFF, a local TV reporter who had to "fill in" for the local sports reporter.....
in very stylish (at the the time ) clogs with heavy socks....took one step onto the Wisconsin ice.....sank up to her knées.....lost the clogs.....lol....sorry....guess that's probably a personally funny memory....all caught on tape....she  absolutely continued to do a great commentary...on freaking ice fishing!!!!...all while her clogs were floating away.....hahaha.....sorry, now that I'm thinking about it.....so funny!....thanks for the memory!
Seriously, cheer up guy....at least for now....!!!
xo....mina
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Yeah, I guess it helps. Doesn't appeal to me either. I am about 300 miles away from mother, and have made my peace with it. Doesn't mean I haven't had panic trips south, I have. But, on the whole, most stuff, can be dealt with by phone and email, and doesn't require me to be there. Thankfully she decided to go into an ALF when she was still relatively well. The fun and games started not long after that as vascular dementia set in. Now she is pretty immobile, and not very verbal, so my main concern is that her pain is being properly treated. I do have some, not a lot, but some underlying uneasiness that I cannot be there more, as I think I can "read" her better than anyone else. On the other hand I have never seen her in pain when I am there, and the staff are caring. Again - take care of you. There is still a lot of work ahead.
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Yes Golden, thanks. I’m so relieved they are finally in care. It’s just hard dealing with this from so far away.

Ice fishing? No way....Never understood how guys can sit for hours staring at a hole in the ice. I guess booze helps.....
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(((((((windy))))) There is something good to report. They are in a good facility and as safe as possible. Think if this had happened in their home. I am afraid the downward slide is gong to continue. perhaps with ups and downs, but still, overall, downward. I know it is hard to see this, and even to accept that there is nothing you can do. I don't think any of us are that tough, but we do our best to carry on. Take care of you, do some enjoyable things, take your wife out for a meal at your favourite place, go ice fishing, or skidooing or whatever turns your crank. You have earned it.
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Yes SG, she’s wheelchair bound these days but they both think it’s 1970 so let’s go!

Some grand kids around but very busy young guys, high school age, and two others about 4 hours away.

I don’t know if visits would make any difference at this point. The nurse didn’t even think me talking to mom would make much difference as she’s very out of it after all the falls and trauma.

Dad is pretty much gone with dementia now. But he’s still so agile. A real double threat!
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The falls are so tough. It seems no matter what precautions that are taken.....it's so stressful. Glad no more injuries. Is she in a wheelchair? My LO's falls didn't let up until she got in the wheelchair. Huge improvement after that, but, not totally cleared. Safety belt helped though,. 

It sounds like the staff are giving you updates. What about family who is closer by? Can't they do any in person visits, if that is necessary?
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Nothing good to report. Another fall today. Mom and dad both very confused. No injuries but just more downward slide. Fighting the urge to jump in the car. Staff says won’t do much good if I’m there or not. Not nearly as tough as I thought I was.
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Oh Mercy Windy! I hope everyone is doing better. I loved the church camp part. When my mom was in the hospital I told her it was like camp. She told everyone she was at church camp. Since she liked camp, this was lovely lol! Hang in there!
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Big hugs, Windy. What a blow. Hang in there.
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Ah, Windy.....some smart, experienced voices here.....and your wife, too.....I say, given the confidence you have in the AL folks, the relatively good news they've given you, and the weather.....stay put and see what it looks like in a few days.....before making a decision about going to them.
Barb also has an excellent point: may be best not to re-ignite bad feelings towards you for putting them in "this prison"......see from afar how they adjust for at least the next few days.
But I get you on the "twofer".....jeez.....not too damn stressful and demanding, is it??!!!
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Just had a good talk with the head of nursing at folks AL. On the phone for 40 minutes. Got an in depth report on all things mom and dad. Mom is not in distress, going to dining room in her wheel chair, has an appetite but still very confused. Dad thinks he’s at a ski resort and mom says she just got back from “Camp Meeting”. (Seventh Day Adventist thing, in case you’re wondering)

Soooooo, I guess we’ll go with that as long as nobody is agitated. I can only imagine the conversations at this point.

Also was worried I’d have to move mom to skilled nursing place as this progresses, but head nurse lady said not to worry, they will see mom through this.

Other looming problem is what to do with Dad as his dementia worsens. She says he’s far too agile and cognizant for their mem care unit right now. Kinda in limbo with this.  Nothing like having a twofer going 600 miles away......
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On Windy - just when you think you have everything sorted out something else happens. Poor mum. It does sound like she is declining.I am glad she has good care and is back in the ALF. I think you driving there has more to do with you than with them. The ALF staff are communicating well with you, and there is not much you can actually do at this point. Your bil and nephew came at the right time and did a great job. Stay safe and make the trip when the weather is better and things have settled down. My trips are 5 hours each way and I know you can't just jump in the car and go any time. ((((((((hugs)))). I hate seeing the NH number on the phone as I don't know what next I will have to deal with.
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Windy, oh my gosh, I just read your post. As someone else had said on this thread, imagine if this had happened in their home. You'd probably wouldn't have heard about it from either parent.

I remember when my Dad was telling me of all the falls he and my Mom had on the stairs... SAY WHAT???... why didn't someone tell me. Then I realized why no one did, they wanted to stay in that darn death trap of a house with all those stairs.... [sigh].
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Yes Barb, I think you’re right. They may do better without me there. Anyway, both of their short term memories are so limited now they would forget I was even there by lunch time.
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Windy, to be honest, they may adjust BETTER if you don't show up right now. It's a hard truth, but I think when elders are holding on to the fact that it's "your fault" somehow, it's better not to show up until they are well and truly settled in.

I was fortunate (as were a couple of other folks here) that my mom accepted the fact that she couldn't go back home or back to Ind. Living after her stroke and hip fracture and was accepting of her NH placement. So we never had to "hide out" and wait for her to calm down.

I hope this all works out.
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Thanks Mina. Yes, I think my mom is following the classic pattern of continued falls with each one bringing her closer to the end. I had a nice talk with her nurse at the AL after mom got settled back in after the ER adventure. She said mom was pretty out of it, thought she’d just gotten back from church camp, but was not agitated and joking a little.

So we’ll go with church camp if that makes her happy. Still going back and forth about making the long trip to check on her. Wife says I’m just being silly, nothing I can do there anyway. But my old hardass persona has faded a little. I just keep thinking about these poor confused guys trying to adjust.
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Windy....jeez....awful night but thankfully.....#1. Mom's back at AL and comfortable.....not in hospital or rehab where my otherwise healthy Mom contracted horrible illnesses. Worst places for extended stay by elderly and frail. #2. Dad's calmed down....and OK......#3. Thank God you found this great AL with caring, competent people who communicate with you.....know well the despair and frustration of the long-distance CG.....
Thanks for the updates......thinking of you and your parents......so hope you don't have another long, long drive ahead.....and that this most unfortunate situation will resolve without you onsite...... and, especially, that your Mom and Dad will recover and adjust to living in the AL......

Actually, I wish you my good luck with my Mom:  she too, was knocked back by every bad fall, surgery, hospitalization and rehab.....one day, fairly early in the last rehab visit she said to me:"I'm  ready to get out of here."   Me:  "What do you mean, Mom?".....Mom:  "Oh....you know....this impersonal, institutionalized living."    I was taken aback:  OTOH, I was thrilled she was so aware and lucid and communicative.....OTOH:  I was shocked and dismayed by the very same thing:  that she could see, understand and anticipate this as her future.  That's when I was so lucky to find the greatest and last AL.....Mom loved it.....I kept waiting for "I'm ready to get out of here".....or "I want to go home".....never came.....so, yes, I wish this for you, too, Windy....

Best thoughts to you and your parents!
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Again, thanks to all. Ya know, when this stuff comes down you tend to feel like your the only one in the world going through it, but I know better. My woes are so common to all of us.

Mom is back at AL getting good nursing and care. This has knocked her down another notch.  Very confused but not in much pain.  The staff are great about keeping me in the loop. Remember I’m 600 miles away buried in snow.

Dad even had a good day I’m told. First day in 2 weeks he hasn’t tried to escape and find his car.
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Windy, good thoughts to you and your parents. Just imagine if this had happened at home...
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Oh Windy my thoughts and prayers are with you all.. its never easy.
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I am so sorry that you, your family, and all of us, really, have to go through this.
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Thanks guys. Got a call from nice doc in uptown ER. CT scan was good, no brain bleed or other problems. He said he would admit her for more testing, nuero stuff etc if I wanted him to. We decided to not put her through anything more and get her back to her AL place where she’ll be cared for and comfortable, instead of subjecting her to more tests and a nuthouse/busy hospital. 

I don’t see her recovering much from this episode. She gets weaker and more confused after each fall.
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Wow - what an awful night!! I hope your Mom recovers quickly and that there is a loooong stretch of calm afterwards.
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Oh Windy. Oh for heaven's sake. I hope you will come out of this just impressed at how incredibly tough your parents are! - but you have had the kind of night that makes you wonder what on earth is coming next...
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My goodness, Windyridge. What a night. Prayers for your parents and whole family. That's an ordeal for anyone to endure. It sounds like your parents are in good hands though. Be careful if you hit the roads. It is brutally cold in the south. (It's been in the teens and twenties here for days. (NC) It's 23 degrees here now. And, they are predicting snow in some parts.)
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