The guilt and the pity party.
My mother moved in with me about 3 years ago, just showed up at my house, with her bags, telling me she was going to live with me. She had been living with her boyfriend, and they split up. at 69 years of age. She has been diabetic for quite some time, but was fully functional. She left him because he wanted her to cook and clean while he was out being a caretaker to a family member himself. as time went on, she just became quite needy and helpless. She gained a tremendous amount of weight, and just sleeps and stays in her room. She depends on only me despite the fact I have 2 siblings. I do everything for her and cannot be away from home for more than a few hours without my phone ringing off the hook telling me she is hungry or needs me to run errands for her. I do not drive. so all I do is on foot. I asked her once to send my brother this one particular time, and she said "I don't want to send him, it's way too cold out" he has a car, mind you. She just refuses to do anything for herself. I serve her dinner in her room. I feel guilty even writing this because I feel like I am just whining. There is so much more, but I can't seem to put it into words. It is also causing a lot of depression with my teenage daughter.
Within the last year and a half, I started a relationship with someone I love very much. I see no possible way we can have a normal life together because of my responsibilities.
I have let my house go...I used to be the neatest person in the world, you could eat off my floors. Now, I just don't have the energy to clean like I used to...I have let myself go personally too...I don't dress up like I used to...and am starting to look worn out. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm embarrassed and guilty to feel this way. thank you for listening...