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Ali - Very glad to hear that some other family members perceive what you perceive. A little bit of validation can make all the difference.
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Merry Christmas, all. I'm at older bros and it's been such a peaceful year interacting with various relatives.

I've been able to talk openly with a few relatives about different dysfunctional people and patterns and it feels good to both be heard and I feel like they're all generally more understanding now about the behaviors that drive me away. It feels good that it's not just me that sees controlling, narcissistic behaviors in some of my relatives. I used to feel that I was the ONLY ONE who had any problem with several relatives who manipulate, or act hateful, etc.

I'm not naive enough to think family get togethers will be without some interesting dynamics... but this year has been a nice time. I spent very short time around my dad and I know that helped me to feel more at ease.

I don't know how I was EVER his live in caregiver. That just cannot have been good for me emotionally. I'm very glad that's over. Whew.
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Merry Christmas, everyone, and wishes for a great new Year!

Just finished watching a hilarious senior version of "The 12 Days of Christmas" The first line was 'On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me a membership for AARP." The rest followed suit and was on the University of Mobile Christmas tv program. Worth watching, Lots of funny sidelines. One singer/actor wandered off to the comment "He has digestive issues". Lol. I can relate.

Nothing traditional about my Christmas except I have a fire in the fireplace. I will probably bake salmon later. DD invited me over for a visit and a cup of tea. Her hub just got a job after being out of work for a while and he is working today so she is doing nothing special. Haven't decided if I will go yet.

I'll get back to all the posts later. Just wanted to say "Hi."
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Have a restful day today, exactly what you need and desire. Merry Christmas, YOUR way.

I have been staying with DD1 since Friday. Christmas all done for me. The time with my kids was fun. I am driving home this morning. Wish I could just stay in bed at home. Caught DD1's cold. Just do no feel good and not too enthusiastic this morning.

Had dinner at ts2's yesterday. It was ok, I just didn't want to go. But she and I had a long overdue chat. Twisteds and auntie dearest just did not understand how sick mom was. And the summary of the trust is incorrect. She is so busy all the time. How do people live that way? Much rather be my homebody self.
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Merry Christmas to all my friends on Agingcare.
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Just got my baking done, finally. Decided to make a Millionaire pie and try a new recipe for Coconut Pecan German Chocolate pie (I'd be afraid to know how many calories is in either one lol), so we'll see tomorrow if they are any good. Made some sugar cookies for the kids for a treat this evening.

Oh, also heard from my estranged 20 year old daughter earlier. We chatted for awhile, mainly small talk, but I was glad to hear from her and that she sounded like she was in a good frame of mind. Our relationship is best described as "it's complicated" but I always love and pray for her as my daughter. Had gotten her a couple of gifts from us and sent them in the mail just to say we love her and Merry Christmas, so she was calling to say thank you and we got to talking. I don't want to get my hopes up too much, given our history, but I'm really grateful anyway.

Planning on going to eat with mom and spend some time up there with her tomorrow, then come back and finish doing our gifts here and just relax and watch Christmas movies in my comfortable clothes (read: stretchy yoga pants). That's the plan, anyway, as much as planning is possible these days...love and hugs to you all, and wishing all a very Merry Christmas!
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Merrry Christmas!!! Everyone ((((HUGS)))))
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Thanks ShRyn.
Blackhole LOL that made my morning. Wee cocktail ahye.
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I no longer do the gifting thing, cannot afford to do so. And while I always enjoyed gifting immediate family, it’s become obvious we won’t ever going to be receiving gifts from adult offspring. Kinda smacked me in the head. Relationships go two ways. Root word is relate. Collecting holiday and birthday gifts and never giving, is a rather mixed up relationship, IMO. So, I gift from the heart when I wish to, but don’t do the obligatory stuff anymore.
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SharynMMarie, I wish that were possible. I want to wish everyone the best possible Christmas within the context of your situation!
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Merry Christmas to all you wonderful supporters and caregivers! I’m wishing you all a quiet and peaceful Christmas.
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DDDuck, I was sipping a wee cocktail and admiring my Christmas tree when your post showed up!

Very merry to you - and everyone else on AC Forum 🎄
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Well I hope you are all sitting back this night with the lights dim, sipping on a nice cocktail or warm apple juice, listening to some good music and looking at your fabulously decorated tree and lights. Or in any case just in a good place and a good spirit. I am at work and its nice and peaceful.

Rays of love joy and peace to you all. ((((((HUGS))))))
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Hi all. I hope you all are enjoying this wonderful holiday spirit.

Send, I understand that fear and fright, its a lot of sick people out there. He was trying to intimidate you. I hope you do not let that experience scare you from driving.

Golden I have not caught up at all. I just want to extended warm wishes to you. I can imagine how hard it is for you and I hope the moments come in soft waves.

I have been having a few moments every now and then. Shams daughter had her baby yesterday a boy. I cried a bit, Sometimes I feel like I am a bundle of emotional nerves.

Then to top it off I put tree in between front windows in living room and found that someone moved it back on a lamp tablke where I l put it to decorated and left for a while. I was insulted and moved it back with a note when you buy a tree which I doubt will happen, then put you put it where you want. You want to move something pick up a broom or do something in the house for your mother. I can't deny how this stuff makes me feel. Today it was moved again but on a currio shelrf esxtendtion by the window. I guess it was all for some perceived safety. the only issue is really it would get broken. She did not buy it so I think there is more to it. I did not get this tree to give my twisted something to reign over. I am thinking to just put it away. my mother is not aware of the season. I am more worried about her eating. There has not been a tree in the house since I last put one up and sat there watching my sister and her daughter in law change all types of giftsw intentionally leaving me out. It didtn hurt as much as revealed who my sister is and what she is about. Maybe I will put it in my window and light itr up for her. LOL. Its not really funny but I had to chuckle at that one as I pictured it.

Anyways this stress, mourning can be so drastically draining. Then on top of it all my therapy is no longer free and I will be going every other week. We have been doing reiki only I have not settled long enough at home to do it. I feel something in my heart when my sister does these3 type things. Same issues from when we were young. She would do shyst then Id get in trouble . I broke the toilet one time. I dont know why my parents never sat us down to settle these things. Or maybe they just couldnt chastise their monster. Then a medical issue has me concerned and hoping its just something simple. But making an apt and getting it takes for ever.

Anyway I went out to dinner with my friends. I was so very tired but I had been looking forward to this for a while. It was nice. Long ride there and I couldnt fall asleep during ride going or trainride back. Thankfully this afternoon when I awoke I felt better.

Loneliness is coming around. I am trying not to give into. Sometimes I just wonder whats the point in my struggle.

Well today is Christmas eve, eve. Last night on way home the christmas cheer was contagious especially in the young men (I guess cause that is all whom I saw last night) in the neighborhood. They seemed extra curteous and high spirited and it rubbed off on me. I looked at the sky and it was beautiful looked to be a full moon.

When I got home it was obvious no one had came in or out. The mail was still in the gate. No new food was there for my mother and she hadnt eaten anymore that what I fed her before I left. Nor did it look like she had anyfurther attention,
This is what really bothers me, with my sick puppy sister. Instead of worrying about that tree the focus should be on my mother. and okay she has a campaign against anything I do. Nothing I can do about it. My mother suffers in the end. Maybe that is her karma. I want mines to be right so I try and pray for the strenght to do and understand what is right for my mother. But honestly sometimes its really hard and sad.

=
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Hi Everyone and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! I hope everybody is feeling healthy going into this busy week ahead!

Speaking of Ballance, Moderation and Simplistic, this has been the Most Stress Free and relaxed holiday preparation that I've ever experienced, it's Fantastic!

I decided to do All of my Christmas shopping online, and I have not even stepped into a store other than the grocery store this entire holiday season, and its been Fantastic! I did send hubby out for some additional wrapping paper and cello tape, but that's it! Now if only I could wake up and have all my gifts magically wrapped up for me, then Everything would be Golden!

We are spending Christmas Eve at our Eldest Son and DIL's house with all 4 kids, spouses and Grandies, and then have a quiet Christmas dinner (hubby is doing the cooking, he likes to make the traditional Turkey Dinner, Yea Me!) here at our home with a couple of our kids/ spouses, and eldest Step-Grandson and that is it, Done and Done!

I very much enjoyed our "all ladies holiday luncheon" this year with sisters, cousins and close family friends that we have each year, plus had lunch with my 5 siblings out at our favorite restaurant this past week, so I've really been enjoying myself, and fairly stress free to boot!

I also did a day of baking with 2 of my sisters earlier in the month, and then did some cookie decorating/frosting the next day with my 2 younger Grandsons, so a bit of fun in the kitchen too! Now that I've got the hang of this online shopping thing down, I'll never go back to traditional Christmas shopping in the crowds, ever again!

One thing we have not done was our traditional night time downtown, see all the shops lit up and decorated, Santa, the carousel, ice skating rink and Hot Cocoa expedition, but we might just go after Christmas with the Grandies, there's still time yet, we just weren't able to coordinate it with them, they are all so busy as there is So much holiday fun you can do in the Seattle area, and the Parents really try do to hit them all, it's amazing and so darn expensive too! I'm glad we aren't raising kids in this day and age!

So except for a bit more Christmas wrapping (gotta get that done tonight!), we are all set!

Golden, sounds like you are well on your way with your Executor duties, it is exhausting I know! So glad that you are home safe now, and hopefully getting some much deserved rest too! I enjoyed reading the Beautiful posts you wrote about your Mother and her life, she sounds like an amazing person who gave so much of herself to others! You have honored her so nicely since she passed, and I'm sure she was so very proud of you too! Time to take a break from it all, and Enjoy a restful Christmas few days!

Glad, so happy to hear that you have been enjoying your family, as well as a night out with your local friends too! You need to do more of that, so that you can widen your friend circle there in your town. You are going to be a permanent resident now that you are settled into your Beautiful New Home! Have a Wonderful Holiday!

SharynM, enjoy your Grandies! Christmas is such a Wonder to the little ones, so soak it all up, as they grow up so Fast!

Dduck, I hope you are feeling better after the loss of your Dear cousin! I'm glad you have reconnected with other family members over your loss, it would be good for you to stay connected to extended family. Don't pay any attention to your Twisted Sis, the anguish is just not worth it, and only causes you the pain. Now get out there and enjoy the Reason for the Season, and find the happiness in The Birth of our Savior Jesus Christ! Merry Christmas!

I hope Everyone enjoys the Holidays in your own Special way! Try not to stress over the things that just don't matter! Happiness begins in your Own Heart! Peace on Earth and Good Will Towards Man! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
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Pressured self into driving hubs home from work last night @ 10:45.
He was out of Uber and buses stopped, and he was working late.
Driving home last night, there was a black pickup truck following too closely, riding my bumper and honking. I changed lanes and slowed, he initially slowed, as if waiting for us, then went on ahead, speeding, but had pulled off a side street, lying in wait! ! Then came up behind us ! Called 911, pulled over into a parking lot with stores at direction of police.
We waited, pickup truck did not follow. I was so very shaken. 10:30 p.m.
And, My response, I was weaving while dialing 911 on my cell! Too dangerous a situation to stop and pull over. There are persons out there wanting to come after me! Maybe.

The only thing I could imagine that I did wrong was to drive too slow (which is the speed limit), pulled into his lane (it was 25+ ft in front of him), and he is on drugs with road rage, on a Saturday night, guessing.

Now, I am afraid to be out there, knowing this is an over reaction after checking with a friend. But I must stick to my own rules that I made for myself:
No driving on a full moon. No matter what. I lost the ability to respond well in an emergency, even though I am still a good driver. I now drive like an old lady.
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I've not been here for quite a while and I wanted to post wishes of peace and happiness to all of you during this holiday season.

Golden - I managed to read back a few pages and discovered you just lost your Mom. My deepest condolences to you and your family. I love what you said about her lack of fear over death; rather she was curious. A beautiful gift indeed. Thank you for sharing. Comfort and blessings to you.
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Awful I'm at breaking point I caught my sis financial abusing dad and my life has fell apart since I live in England and believe me it's no better where ever you go !!!!!
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Heart, always great to hear from you.

Sharyn, how was cookie making?

Send, bruises. Ugh!

Golden, thinking of you and paperwork.

Trust requires biyearly reporting. Nothing in a year. Just asked ts2 for trust info a few weeks ago. She told me an amount. Now in three weeks time the balance is 35k less. Looks like an IRA withdrawal may be the reason. But, IRA withdrawal after mom has passed? And of course she now wants to charge the estate for her non-management. No reporting. And I think the state defines the amount that the executor can charge. Now she wants sign off on Monday. HUH?! Emailed her to tell her I am not comfortable signing anything until I have a better understanding. She is fuming now I am sure. And no mention of mom's business and fabrics that are in the trust. I really do not understand what she is doing. No mention of mom's van that ts2 has hung onto for four years now or mom's wedding ring that is probably worth a tidy sum on its own.

Just not at all transparent. And a fee for accounting? Who to? For what? Who the heck knows. She just sent a summary, if there was an IRA withdrawal what was it for and when was it?

UGH!
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I haven't been on many threads for quite some time as it's been a rough year... But, I want to wish all of you wonderful caregivers a Blessed Christmas and New Year 💕🎄💕
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Phone conversations lately with Dad have been pretty good. Not as one sided and manic, on his side, and I'm learning to just 'let it go' and just be calm. I'm trying. I will see him Christmas morning and then for a few days. I hope his health remains OK, I hope there are no outbursts from him, and I hope I continue to just 'let it go'. I'll be loaded up with a few needed gifts and lots of homemade food and treats..and we'll do a nice Christmas Brunch Buffet at his retirement home's beautiful dining room. Filled with big, joyful families...and my Dad and me....I'll keep you all apprised. I pray for no outbursts and I wish you all a Merry Christmas!
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i feel like I have a little better balance of priorities this Christmas. DD and I did a lot of baking and had a great time doing it..we’ve made cookies together since she was a kid....some years, we make a lot, some years just a little. It’s about the time together. DH and I set the table with his moms silver flatware and our good dishes.....it looks pretty and it feels good to have it done. I’m hoping incorporating his folks things will ease his grief a bit. I set up my tiny village and that gave me joy. I put out candles here and there and a tiny little wooden crèche. That’s the sum total of my decorating this year.

I visited my mom this week to assess her mood and set the groundwork for what was happening Christmas Day. She already has an edge when she mentions DS’s girlfriend, who’s a really lovely woman and really good for DS. I know it’s because Mother is peeved that GF didn’t sit and fawn over her on Thanksgiving. I had to mention to DS that Grandma is in a lousy mood and may be testy with his GF. I let her get to me on Thanksgiving....no repeat on Christmas.
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Yeah, perils are right. Thanks for that, as I was just contemplating getting dressed to drive him. I can be pressured into poor decisions fod myself. He did not make it home on his own last night until 11:00 p.m., getting off at 9:30. Recommending Uber ride to him. He needs traveling mercies.
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send - moderation in trying too. Thank you re the job. I am so ready to be done with it!

Sorry about hub's bruises. We all make choices and experience the consequences of them (thinking of hubs here,) The perils of dangerous traffic are worse than preventable bike accidents, IMO. But I know you worry about him.
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Golden,
"For me, moderation is the key - not overspending, over eating, over socializing, over giving or over doing of any kind, Keep it simple, stress-free and sincere. Be true to yourself."
I second that...except I stopped trying so hard last week. Don't you just cringe when people don't do their jobs right? Gov't is shutting down here, they say.
You are doing a great job, and like you said, everything in moderation.

When I stopped driving due to the traffic is dangerous, hubs could choose Uber or bus or bicycling to work. He fell, his axle failed, (he installed it wrong), yesterday on his way to work.
There are minor bruises.

Hmmmm.
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What a nice day with family, glad. Building memories as you say.

You too, sharyn, with the cookie baking. I think grandma will have fun too!

Thinking if everyone and the various stresses that this season can bring.

For me, moderation is the key - not overspending, over eating, over socializing, over giving or over doing of any kind, Keep it simple, stress-free and sincere. Be true to yourself.

Wish I would wake up better in the mornings, but maybe I can be grateful that I wake up at all lol. Waiting for the plumber again. Hopefully we will connect today and he won't charge me extra as it is the weekend. He is just coming to assess the job. In any case, it needs to be done.

Spent a lot of time getting a hold of one govt office re cancelling things for mother, then the person on the phone insisted on giving me the wrong information about something. I checked it out and there is no form ISP 1203 - only ISP 1200. I am making a few mistakes too, Made an error on the SIN I gave the funeral director, so I emailed him the correct one. He answered that the death certificates would have to be redone and the old ones shredded. I checked them and they do not have the SIN on them. Then he emailed back and said he had used the SIN from another source so it was correct, and I could use the certs I had. I let it go. I think it is normal for me to make a few mistakes under the circumstances, but they get paid for what they do. Oh, well.

Finding I am not as good at multitasking as I was, though yesterday I had my land line on one ear and my cell on the other trying to get through to offices. But I don't want to get into some paperwork and be disturbed by the plumber. My house needs tidying, laundry needs doing, mail needs sorting and I am not doing any of it for a while. Thank goodness for the volunteer who is shoveling my driveway.

Hope everyone is having a decent day. I will muddle through the rest of mine.
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Sounds like a great timeGlad! We are going to make cookies today. Lots of chocolate, peanut butter and sugar cookies. The boys will have fun.
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Pleasant day. Drove to see kiddos and grands. Made a big lasagna for supper after the gingerbread house building. Grands love it. Kind of stressful for me and my kids as we try to get the walls to stay up while placing the roof. We have done this each year since I was caregiving for mom. Just making memories. The grands love it! And youngest seems so shy, but eventually warmed up to her cousins.😍

Makeup glasses? Maybe I haven't worn much eye makeup, only mascara, because I can't see, haven't been able to for years.
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sharyn -there are make up glasses where the lenses flip down one at a time. I saw them when I was looking for my magnifier and thought of buying a pair, though I am doing OK for now.
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Golden, I’m right with you When it comes to paper work! I’m going to get a make up mirror With magnification so I can see well enough to put on eyeliner, lol!
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