The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

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Glad, yes we are under heavy frost advisory for next few days. I don’t think I’ll to much pruning, my right hip is giving me a lot of pain. I can imagine you are excited to see the countertops in place.

Welcome Jeanne! If your sis has dementia, her behavior is most likely a combination of both. My mom was a sweet heart to the Cnas at the facility, but a terror to family.

Magnum, if I just knock my knee wrong I feel like I will vomit. I can surely sympathise. Hope all goes well with the services. Travel safely. CNA sounds like an excellent idea!

Sharyn, take it easy on that pruning. Next year for me. This year would have been tough. We have gone from summer to winter overnight it seems. You should be getting some of this cold too, I would gladly send some your way.

Golden and Fraz hope the med changes continue to help your mom's. I now think that ts2 may have put mom on palliative care as soon as I was out of the caregiving picture. At one point I was told by hospice nurse that they restarted mom on Seroquel and it did not help. If it isn't broke don't fix it. Seroquel worked great for mom when I cared for her. Mom was as good as she could be on the regimen she had while at home. But, it was a major change and maybe nothing would have helped. Nope, I would never ask ts2 at this point. It is done.

Well, got lock sets ordered, ceiling fans and remainder of lighting. AND granite countertops were installed tonight. He was late finishing so I was not going up there when dark. So, that is something to look forward to tomorrow! I am done shopping and making selections and of course cost more than allowance. I HATE shopping for anything! Oh well, last home I will own, and only one in my life that I have been able to pick all the options. Start of first lighting order started to arrive today.

Wife's pain in her knee is making her throw up again. Now she's thinking that she needs for her doctor to give an order for a CNA to help her while I go to the memorial services and my own doctor's appointments. We are looking at possibly needing a CNA pre op and post op.

What a mess.

A rather quiet day today. Wife is using her crutches to get around the house.

The priest from dad's home church in Ohio called and that service is planned for the 27th. That is a two day drive to. Our sons will come to this one.

The Maryland memorial service is planned for the 19th. It is a one day drive to.

Golden, thinking of you and your sons birthday. Those triggers sure can cause us to catch our breath. I’m happy to hear your mom is improving being back on risperodal. Hoping she continues to improve. I hope you are feeling better too.

Frazz, I’m hoping your mom does better on the new med regime. If they worked before, they should work now. It takes a while to figure out meds for these conditions. Most important is for the patient to be comfortable .

CMag, I’m sure you have a lot going on with planning a memorial for your dad and the up coming surgery. Take care of yourself, rest.

Glad, exciting how your home is coming along. You will be moving before you know it.

Not much going on other than working. It is cold in the mornings with afternoon highs in the high 50’s.

My brother will be moved to a rehab facility in about 2 weeks. He is doing really good. They will soon remove the trach.

I do need to get some cleaning up done in the garden beds, pruning, etc. I keep putting it off, lol!

I think it is a GREAT idea!
As for me, I often have a hard time determining if my sis is indulging in old, manipulative addict behaviors or if it is the disease. Frankly, I know that the resemblance to ‘out-of-it drunkeness’ sometimes robs me of the compassion I should have, and I beat myself up a lot. On the flip side, I dometimes get a little angry or frustrated at Drs and assisted-living personnel that haven’t seen it or don’t recognize it, so think it isn’t really there. Lose-lose situation, for sure.


The tests went fine. Now to wait for the results and when the surgery is? It could be a month from now. Who knows.

I did get the Halloween decorations down and put the summer ones away. My wife has killed herself decorating to the point of being in so much pain that she's throwing up and using her crutches plus sleeping in the lower bed. When I asked her why was she making her knee worse by doing so much in one day, her only answer was because it needed to be done before her surgery. I'm sorry ladies, but that is insane! I don't need this extra stress with two memorial services coming up.

Glad - Exciting about the house!

Golden- glad your mom is continuing to improve. I've had kind of the same experience with talk therapy. Saw a couple of therapists before that I felt like didn't really help me, but the one I have now is great. She has helped me through my crazy family issues and is helping me work through some things from my past also.

Hugs to you and Glad both. Take care of yourselves. The grief triggers are rough.

Cmag - How did your wife's testing go? I'm glad your step-sister apologized.

I talked to mom's nurse earlier and it sounds like the docs there agree with the diagnosis from the other facility. They have taken her off the Ativan (which she's been on for quite awhile), Seroquel, and Zoloft, and are trying her on Valium, Geodon and Neurontin, plus keeping her on the Cogentin as well as her other regular meds (insulin, bp meds, etc). They just started them so they are going to monitor her to see how she does on the new regimen. I'm hoping they help. She did sound quite a bit calmer when I talked to her earlier, was not tearful and agitated like the other day.

I don't know much about the new meds. Was reading that Neurontin is used off label as a mood stabilizer but helps with neuropathy and restless legs too, which might help with the weird leg movements that mom has had.

The weather here has been very rainy, though I think it's supposed to be clearing. Still in the 60s after a really hot summer. I know we need a good freeze, but I'll be in layers and wrapped up in blankets when it finally hits lol

Golden, thinking of you.

This month lots for me too. Two years since L passed which would also be mom's 92nd bday, four years since J passed. So much has happened and I think I have come so far, but still times of sadness. Don't think it is depression because it doesn't hang on and on.

And I am so excited about getting into my own house. It has been seven years since I feel I could call my home my own. Went to pick granite today, same as I picked before but I did not have them hold slabs. Need to go through the week, evidently, but did not realize that until yesterday afternoon.

Went.out to lunch at one of Mom's and L's favorite spots. Hoped to see and talk with the woman that owns it and always works, except I guess on her birthday, today. Had Mediterranean shrimp pasta, one of my faves.

IT is to get down in the 20's tonight, quite chilly. Still waiting for landscape progress. Hoping we get a more seasonal couple of weeks before mid November.

thx Madge - desserts, fluids and Risperdal is not bad and less crying. Hopefully the crying will decrease even further. Apparently it takes about 3 weeks for the R to be fully effective. (according to the internet)

thx fraz - I hope there will be more improvement. My niece is married to sil (referring to son in law) so she is not alone. She was adopted and is feeling rejection from her birth mother, as well as her adoptive mother (my sis). She has never resolved the death of her dad some years ago with whom she was very close. Fairly dysfunctional. Sis is narcissistic and, to me, somewhat sociopathic -very cold. There is very little I can do except show my niece I care and pray for her. They are in the UK so too far to visit. I agree that antid's are fine if you need them, and talk therapy is great . More on that later.

tiger -welcome - isn't it true that we tolerate stress less well as we age? I am 81 and I have to protect myself more than ever before. I am glad you are decreasing contact. There is emotional distancing/detaching and then there is physical distancing. I find I have to do both. Grieving the losses is healthy and necessary to get to detachment. So glad you are making a plan to move on. It is never too late to lessen the pain and plan a better life. You will get support for that here.

cmag - sounds like things are working out better.

linda- good idea for decorating. I am into very, very, very simple these days.

Youngest son Gordie's 40th birthday tomorrow and I am feeling it this year. Getting a few flashbacks to 16 years ago. So these days are slow, and as comfortable as I can make them, I just have to feel the feelings. This too will pass - until the next trigger.

Speaking of talk therapy. my current therapist is the best I have ever had. I have gone for counselling off and on all my adult life depending in life's ups and downs. A couple of counselors were not good, the others, varied but I got something from them. This one "gets" me and my various loved ones very well and I am dealing with some childhood stuff. One problem I have had with counselors is that I have very good coping skills and function at a high level so that after a few session they think I am fine, when, in fact I still have important unresolved issues. As a result, I am rethinking moving away from here till I have gotten further along in therapy. I really don't like the winters, but I can find a way to survive. Once it hits the very cold temperature I prefer not to stick my nose outside the door, or go away for a month or so.

Speaking of snow, it is melting today Thank goodness!!!!

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