The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?


Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.

The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"



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Sharyn, I'm glad you're brother is improving. It may be slow but it is improvement.

Golden, I just don't understand why they try to improve something when it's not broken.

Frazzled, that was nice that a patient said that about your mom. It's great that she's improving.

Cmag, enjoy your family trip. That sounds like fun - Not. Sorry, I had my very first road trip - and it was from Colorado Springs to Las Vegas. Our little island (drive around it at 35mph in 1 hour) does Not have mountains like that in Colorado. Did you know that those winding two lane roads at the edge of the mountain does NOT have railings?!?@!*! And Why must those big rigs have the inner lane close to the mountain while us smaller cars have the lane close to the edge???? I looked down, waaaayyyy down and … decided to take a nap. I told my family if we're going to crash over the edge, please don't wake me up. I swore if we ever needed to take a road trip to Vegas again, I'm going to buy an airline ticket and meet the family there... However, most of my mainland family drives state-to-state to visit each other.

Sharyn, good news about your brother. Glad the Ritalin is helping him.

Golden, I'm sorry the docs took your mom off the med that was working for her, but glad you were able to talk some sense into them to put her back on it. It's frustrating when they don't listen.

Glad you are feeling a little better too and that you had a safe trip. The teapot was a nice gesture. The little things do mean a lot. The donuts sound yummy too.

CMagnum, glad you are safe and that your home is okay as well. The trip sounds like fun.

Book, I'm sorry you went through that with your mom too. I really think dementia or some underlying cognitive disorder is definitely playing a part in mom's behavior. She has been treated for years for schizophrenia symptoms, but those started after she had two TIAs and went into a diabetic coma and was in ICU for several days 7 years ago. It's gotten progressively worse since then. She's always had the anxiety and depression, as well as the narcissistic tendencies, but the paranoia and delusional behavior the past several years was something new.

I went to see mom yesterday and she seemed calmer. Was still paranoid and thinking people were going to kill me this time, but not agitated and hysterical like she was a few days ago. They put her on Zoloft in addition to the Seroquel, which she has been taking at night, but they are going to add a small dose of Seroquel in the morning to see if it would help her during the day.

They said the day before yesterday that mom had still been suicidal and wanting to isolate in her room, so they have been having her come sit in the common area more during the day. Yesterday though the nurse said she was a little better, that she had still been paranoid but had a better day. Mom's roommate told me that mom was really nice to her and has helped her out a lot. That surprised me. Mom is usually clingy and demanding. I just wish she'd do stuff like that and get out of herself on a regular basis. It would make her feel a lot better.

The visit went well I think. I didn't know what I would run into, but I'm glad she was doing a little better. The other senior ladies in there were a hoot. I couldn't help but overhear a lengthy conversation between two of them about bra burning and sex.

Another lady (patient also) that came and sat by me and mom said, "Your mother is doing better than when I first saw her. I thought at first that she didn't have a rat's chance in hell when I got here, but I think she's going to be okay. I see a big difference."

Great, Magnum that your house is ok. Things still very crazy in NC, night as well head to Orlando and relax, have a wonderful time!

Golden, happy the trip went well. Gluten free donuts, never would have thought there is such a thing. Google voodoo donuts, there are definitely different! Wonder if they taste good or if they are mostly for the novelty of them.

Krispy Kreme opened near my old home, the lines, oh my gosh, when they first opened. I think they lasted a couple years before they closed. Not at all user I am remembering correctly.

Thanks for asking GladImhere,

My city did have flooding, but not like others closer to the coast. We have not gone home, but have been told that our house is fine and that the power never went out. I forgot one of my meds when we left that I can't get filled here because it is a controlled substance. I miss it badly.

We already had a trip planned for the 22nd through the 29th in Orlando. We are leaving our pets here and going on the trip tomorrow with my wife's identical twin sister and her husband. We will return to Greenville on October 2nd.

gershun -Kinnikinnick donuts, gluten and dairy free cake donuts, Doubt I could have eaten the other kind, They have a great business in E'ton. The stores here don't carry much of their baking, but you can order from them. I hadn't seen their donuts for over 5 years. I don't worry about trying to work it off. It's not what you eat on one day but what you eat over a week, a month, a year. I will say I did't eat anything else the rest of the day other than a few fresh berries. A full loaf of garlic bread sounds awesome! I miss sourdough bread, Good advice to dori. Most of mother's stuff is gone now, but there are a few pieces in the NH room I want.

madge - must be the Norwegian in us. We all have very good appetites! I am still coughing and blowing but it will pass. The trip was worthwhile in other areas. Donuts at midnight sound good,

sharyn - grief is exhausting. Glad there is more progress for your bro. and also that you had a good trip to the lake. Being outdoors does us so much good.

waterfalls you have had a lot of loss recently. People need to take as long as they need to go through the things left behind, My son died over 16 years ago and I still have a few things of his that I will keep.

Oh book. That is so terrible. I think my mum may be having delusions again since they took her off the risperdal. She was suicidal before. I am beyond enraged at their irresponsibility.

glad - I am so happy to be home. Voodoo donuts? What next? Now I think I will start making trips to the spca to visit with the cats and see if I connect with any one of them in a special way. Two I was looking at are gone this morning. 😞

Lovely fall day today, but chilly. My friend near Eton dropped off at the hotel a tea pot and a book to journal in for me. Such a nice gesture!!! When we talk on the phone we often comment we are drinking tea, so it was very fitting. She says it is one of her collection of tea pots. Really nice for me, as I did not have a tea pot. It will come with me when I move and we can have tea together. Little things mean a lot.

Have a good day everyone, Be kind to yourself. ((((( hugs)))))

Golden, it s wonderful to get home after a trip, isn't it? Maybe they were voodoo donuts? Yes there is a donut store by that name.

Frazzled, I hope all goes well with your mom. Early on the onset of my mom's dementia, she was having mood swings. Anger, accusations that we were trying to make her crazy by hiding her things, etc... She must have known something was wrong. This was a few years into her dementia, because my dad had to retire early to take over her care 24/7... One day, he found her trying to hang herself from the clothesline. She was kind of dangling but … the clothesline weren't high enough or maybe the rope wasn't long enough to succeed. Poor mom...

Glad&Gershun I am so sorry to hear you both lost your moms. When I lost my aunt moms sister in 99 I felt like my heart was pulled out. I took care of her too while mom was at another AL dealing with her disability. Arranging my aunts care needs, at nursing home, hospitals and then her passing was unreal. I barely remember the night of the wake. Then having to help mom thru it was something I can't describe. God carried me thru! it took months before I could consider going thru her things. The experience is so painful because I believe she passed too soon. Now I have mom. I have learned a lot from my aunts experience. I'm not ready to let go of mom especially do to adult home/AL mishaps. Mom is depressed over the last couple of days and feels like a prisoner in there. The rules & regulations are too much for her. I don't want her to slip away from a broken heart.

Dori, what your are feeling is normal. I was so wiped out after my mom passed. It was about 8 months before I finally felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t do hands on like you did.

Frazz, take care of you first. Stress will wear you down.

duck, I’m sorry you feel so backed against a wall with your mom. I think talking with your therapist USA good idea too

golden, home sweet home! I hope you feel better soon. Wow, finally they are putting your mom back on risperdal. Thank goodness. That med worked wonders for my dad too.

Slow progress for my brother. He is wriggling his toes now. The Ritalin is helping to stimulate him.

Im also dealing with a cold now. We went to McCall today. Very pretty, tourist area that is open year round. We had the whole lake to ourself due to time of year. That will change when the snow comes.

Good night everyone, take care xx.

shame a nasty bug ruined your trip but good you've got doc's attention

I still bring the Viking donuts and she could easily have eaten 1/2 dozen a couple of years ago

there's a rather famous donut shop along Route 66 that makes 12 inch twirls and strawberry filled glazed donuts - it's open 24/7 and always has a line

maybe next time I have insomnia I'll take a drive to the donut man

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