Thank you to you all. I want to say thank you to the members of this forum and the admin people on the site ...

Started by

When I first joined this site three years ago, I was a complete novice in this world of elder care. Forced into a journey of looking after my father in law, I was faced with such anger, resentment and resistance that I truly didn't know how I was going to cope.

The people on this forum made me feel safe; that my feelings and emotions were normal; that I was not a mean and evil person because I hated my situation ... the reality was that my situation was hard, hard, hard.

After three years of resistance and anger, my father in law became dreadfully ill with mesothelioma stage 4, and in the last 6 months of his life he was bedridden and terribly frail. All he wanted was me. He allowed me to look after him and nurse him, to take care of him, to hold him and feed him, to change, wash and help him with his bodily functions.

And somewhere in the last few months, we found a place of acceptance and gentleness with each other. No more anger, no more resistance, no more resentment. Just a gentle acceptance and enormous compassion within me for this man who needed me to do everything for him; just gentle acceptance and love from this man towards me, who now depended on me for absolutely everything.

It has been very hard and exhausting. I don't have to tell you people how hard this journey is. I promised him that he could die at home, and he did so last Saturday in my arms, with his sons holding his hands and feet.

My journey as a caregiver has come to an end, but I seriously would not have kept my sanity if it wasn't for you amazing people on this forum. You normalised my feelings, gave me inspiration when I didn't know where to turn, helped with practical issues like how to face changing a dirty nappy again, and all round just held my hand ... so that in turn I could hold his.

I wanted to say thank you to you all. Thank you to the administrators of this site, for putting it together and allowing us this space where we can be each other's strength.

I honour you all from the depths of my heart. May your load be made lighter today from the support you find on this site.

With love to you all,

Munich, Germany


Nicely done. Best of luck to you.
What a beautiful post. God bless.
Sue, I am sorry for your loss. You did an amazing job!
Sue acceptance is so healing, I hope you are able to find peace and move forward after doing such a wonderful job
Oh my gosh, Susan! Has it been 2 years since I last read your post with problems with FIL?! All this past 2 years since then, he was Still like that until the end. You and your husband prevailed. Kudos to you. You are one very strong and determined woman. I Am glad that FIL toned down and did an about face towards the end. That he had a complete turnaround from hatred to love towards you. You now have these positive memories as your most lasting ones. Thank you for updating us. And most of all, my condolences on your FIL. I can honestly say this because in the end, you both found love and acceptance with one another. {{{{HUGS}}}}
Sue, yours is a very emotional, heartfelt, and moving testimonial as well as an example that challenging situations can become rewarding as people change and re-evaluate their predicaments during the journey. You and your father-in-law are examples of people strong and open enough to move beyond the difficulties and friction that often accompanies caregiving journeys.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and insight.

I think you and your father have created your own caregiving wirtshaftswunder!
God bless you as you transition from your role as a caregiver. As a new caregiver, this was the first thing I looked for and was so happy to find this site. I have already found it very helpful and somewhere I visit everyday.
Thank you for sharing your story Sue. It was very touching. You sound like a wonderful person.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support