Need help telling my Grandmother that I cannot take care of my Grandfather.
For the past few years I, along with my mother and Aunt, have been taking care of my Grandfather. My Aunt is a registered nurse and lives in their home during the week to care for him and works on the weekend. Up until recently, my mother and myself took over the care on the weekends.
It gradually became unbearable mentally, emotionally and physically. Almost every weekend there was a family blowout (frankly, because my Grandmother was being very rude,condescending and down right mean) eventually my mother simply gave up. My Grandmother has since, been forced to have a private nursing company come in few hours throughout the day during the times when she needs help which has been such a relief for both of us. After I stopped being the care giver on the weekend, I realized how stressed out I truly was and how effected my relationship with my husband and my 6 year old daughter had been because of my stress and inability to live my life. At this point in my life, I am happy. I am living my life and spending quality time with my husband, daughter other family and friends.
Now for my dilemma. My Grandmother's health has significantly declined. I received a text message from my Aunt Pat, who still care gives during the week with the help of the aids, telling me my Grandmother wants to talk to me about what will happen to my Grandfather when she is no long with us. I am terrified that I will be asked to resume the care giving Fridays, Saturday and Sundays when my Aunt returns to work. I do not want to see my Grandfather in a nursing home, however, I cannot go back to where I was months ago. I was very depressed and felt so much resentment towards my Grandparents. I am 32 years old with a husband and 6 year old daughter. I do not feel like this request should be placed on me and feel guilty for feeling this way.
Money is not an object. My Grandparents have more than enough money to pay for around the clock in home care, my Grandmother just does not want to spend the money.
I believe when/if I tell her that I cannot commit to take care of him, she will consider me ungrateful (may even say it) and place a guilt trip me.