Taking care of my bitter, nasty grandmother. Any advice?
My 78 year old grandmother who has a bunch of health issues that have been problems for her almost all her life and as long as I can remember. Her main issues of concern are her diabetes.
She has been a piece of work most of my life. Playing favorites with me and my sister (favoring me) and mind games with my father (She is my paternal grandmother) and uncles for as long as I can remember. She is manipulative, controlling and a general pain in the butt. 2 years ago my uncle who was living with her died and she was by herself. My other Uncle (from now on I’ll refer to him as UK) who lived close was driving over and looking in on her every day and taking care of her as best he could. UK however, has severe mental health issues and a really bad temper (it runs in the family). So, when she kept ending up in the hospital for one issue or another, the doctor said she could no longer live by herself. My mother has been taking care of my father for the past 3 years after he suffered a cerebral aneurysm which has left him permanently disabled so she could not possibly take care of my grandmother and with my uncles mental health he was not an option. After looking into ALF facilities we quickly realized any place with decent care was out of her price range…so my husband and I decided to move her in with us.
We were able to move from our two bedroom apartment to a beautiful 3 bedroom house. My grandmother helped pay the down payment and we agreed on $1000 dollars a month to help with the bills. Anyways to make a long story short; things were good for a while…however, it’s been about 11 months now that she has been living with us and we are completely fed up. Her attitude has progressively gotten from bad to worse. She has become demanding, critical of everything I do, (like how I make her food, to how I raise my 4 year old daughter) and is constantly going against doctor’s order regarding medication and foods she can and can’t eat and such. She argues with me constantly about stupid things and gets frustrated when she tries to tell me something, but I can’t understand her because she has left out important details regarding the subject of the conversation.
She refuses to take care of herself in the little things that she is still capable of doing, like getting up and getting a glass of water and getting her own bowl of cereal. When I don’t watch her like a hawk, she sneaks in the kitchen and eats foods she knows is going to send her sugars up (like a soda…not her diet ones) and when I confront her on it, she just smirks and shrugs her shoulders and ignores me. Her doctors are always trying to get me to go to nutrition classes on what to feed her and how much proportions to give her…when we have changed the WHOLE families’ diet to fit her needs…yet she will still get in the kitchen and eats things she isn’t supposed too.
To add onto the frustration I am 7 months pregnant and having a difficult pregnancy. My grandmother is constantly saying manipulative and underhandedly hurtful things to me regarding my weight (even if I am pregnant) my disciplining of my 4 year old and other things. I feel like I am dealing with the most difficult child ever. To bombard the situation UK has decided that since he lives close to our cleaning lady (she comes once a week to help out around the house, since I can’t do IT ALL) that he will pick her up every Friday and bring her, meaning he is here all day long from 10am to 5pm. He comes in takes over either the PS3 (meaning my bedroom) or sits on my laptop all day looking info on one of his stupid video games. The only way I can describe my Uncle is that he is like a black cloud…everywhere he goes he brings negative energy and bitterness, which rubs off on me, my grandmother and my daughter. After he leaves, I feel like I have been through an emotional ringer and I am SICK of it!!! They both are constantly ganging up on my daughter and telling how “when I was a kid I would never have acted that way” and with my uncle “my daughter never did that” mind you his daughter hates him and is completely estranged from him other than calling to ask for money from time to time. I am just completely at the end of my rope. I want to just cancel the cleaning lady so I don’t have to have my uncle over anymore (I’d rather clean my whole house from top to bottom than deal with UK’s CRAP) and tell my grandmother to stay in her room (which is pretty cushy if you ask me, cable tv, large screen tv, has her recliner in there next to her bed…etc.)
I’m so tired of this and there is more I could say but I’ve probably ranted enough. I’m just a loss and needed someone to listen to me. I’m completely non-confrontational with regards to my elders so this has been one of the hardest things for me to do in my life.
I just need advice or help in anyway I can. THANKS!