Taking away her ability to spend money...it sucks.

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Her brother is coming for a visit in a few weeks and she told the caregiver to give her the phone and her credit card so she can get plane tickets so they can go to Charleston while he is here. Um no. First of all, she can't get on a plane and second of all, NO! I am going to have to take her credit card away from her. I know I should have already done it but she hasn't really asked for anything. She does want to order some fancy English muffins for while he is here since he loves them. She has no concept of money and how much she has left, etc. Daddy paid all the bills and gave her a stipend and didn't care how she spent it. Ugh. This just sucks...


I am sorry. Living with aging - your own or that of others involves dealing with ongoing losses. When I recently moved my mother into an ALF where she had an increased level of assistance, I went through her wallet and removed all cards. For several years now she has been having trouble with money and she sent me all her cheques and asked me to look after all her financial business a couple of years ago. She still kept her credit cards though used them very little. Since she has been declining, it was time to remove them. It is a sad time, as you seen them lose more and more physically and mentally. (((((hugs))))
Don't feel bad, we have limited Mom to no checkbook and not more than $40 in cash. We found out she opened credit cards adding my husband as a secondary use. Apparently you can do that without even telling someone. Hubby flipped out and immediately cancelled those. She has ONLY ONE credit card and it did get hacked with fraud online transactions. The bank flagged that right away because she NEVER uses a computer at all.
This is a difficult and sad transition for all. My mom has also been accustomed to spending whatever, whenever so it was a challenge to put the skids on spending hundreds at Christmas and sending checks for every person on birthdays. The recession helped us pull back the Christmas spending. Having a personal needs account at the NH has helped a lot, in that she has access to cash for miscellaneous items.
Don't be sad, be glad you're getting control of her finances. It took so doings, but I have about 90 percent control of parents money. Dad is down to one credit card but even that is dangerous. In his last statement I saw that he had given out his cc number to some crap charity. It was only for 20 bucks but with his dementia, one d*mn card could lead to his undoing. I don't know the details of your situation, but getting control of the bills, finances, etc for my folks has decreased my worries greatly. It's a little more work, but well worth it.
YES, YES get control of those finances ASAP. I am a caregiver for someone whose family refuses to control the spending. There are so many problems developing and they do nothing so I am documenting all the warnings I've given them and I am protecting myself. I am praying this woman still has money enough for her very old age.
You just have to do what is best for the situation and not feel bad about it. As long as you are doing it for the benefit of the loved one and not creaming off for yourself
I confiscated the checkbooks and all but one credit card more than a year ago and I am about to take her one last card. The ONLY thing she ever uses it for is to give the umber to my crap brother so that he can pay his cat's vet bill etc.

I left it in her wallet for her caregiver to use for groceries and such but I am going to have to lie and tell her that I took it - even though I will leave it with the caregiver.

My mother is depressed and distraught that she has no way to slip my brother's money but I can't let her give it all away because then I will be stuck paying her way and that would be the equivalent of me giving money to them directly.

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