Must I too take 4 mg of Xanax per day to get through this?

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I am the caregiver of my 81 year old mother since my father passed away 2 years ago... I am honored to have the responsibility of being charged with her care but at times, I just feel so irritable over it... I know I need to talk to someone but my time is consumed with work and being a member of the sandwich generation. I read many of the posts some of which are helpful but others are not helpful at all with all the judgement and accusations thrown around by people that are virtual strangers...

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I couldn't agree with your more Jeanne. It just really pisses me off. After a while you just feel like cattle getting their antibiotic shots. Hey, we're not cattle. We're people who have valuable talents and character and could be doing other things that are important too. Yes, we are care givers, but please don't put us in the category of a robot that needs to take time to get a battery recharge. There is more to me than that. Lots more. Love to you and 3Pink. Cattails
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Right on, Cat my friend! That is one of my pet peeves. In my first therapy session the therapist told me that I have to take care of myself so that I can take good care of my husband. I blew up! I was worthy of care before my husband got ill, thank you very much, and I'm still worthy of care, and I'll be worthy of care after my husband dies. Grrrrrrrr. What I need from you is help in giving myself that care, not a lecture that I need it, and certainly not a lecture that I need to do it as part of my already overflowing list of caregiving tasks. Grrrrr.

Oh yeah, that is a real hot button for me.
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Cattails, great post - I am right there with you and think you are right on with your post. One of your lines stating "its in the now for us too" really struck me. We will do the best we can, but not be defined by it; live our lives in happiness as well. Thank you for the wonderful insight and sharing it with us. Bless you.
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I'm going to out on a limb here and mention something that sticks in my throat. I understand that it is important to take care of ourselves so we can be there for our loved ones and take care of them. Here's what always flashes in my mind when I hear that............"We need to take care of ourselves because we have a right to be cared for. We don't have to do it so we can sustain our ability to be care givers. We are ourselves and care givers second. We are just as important as anyone else, actually more so. We need to live beyond the needs of others and also make time for us to enjoy what life offers. We can't wait until the fat lady sings. It's in the now for us too." Sorry for the rant, but we deserve to live a life too. Do whatever you can do to make that possible. Don't do it for someone else. Do it for yourself. Your life is just a precious as any other life.

I hope you all understand what I am saying. Sending you all the best possible todays and tomorrows. Love Cattails.
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Stress among caregivers is a huge problem... Ive seen it professionally and now I know it first hand... I guess it basically comes down to as the previous posters have said, we have to take care of ourselves so we can be there for our loved ones... professional help both in the forms of therapy with and without meds may be necessary. We all have to figure that out for ourselves --- some of us get strength from religion, others from medication, physical activity or whatever... it's not going to be the same answers for everyone...

You also bring up another valid issue that at this point, Im not there yet... when does the person requiring care need the medication vs when the caregiver does... very complex answer..
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teebee - I understand about the xanex, I know nothing of that drug - just trying to be supportive. My husband and I took a much less potent anti anxiety med. I highly recommend any anti-anxiety medication for those of us taking care of narcississtic, demanding and controlling elderly - the stress some of them cause can lead to serious health issues for some of us. My husband was on the verge of a heart attack - high blood pressure due to the stress. Meds calmed him down tremendously.
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Teebee: My 3 sibs are two states away. On a couple of occasions, they all took a little vacation time and instead of coming up here, my dad went to visit them. That was heaven for me, because I was totally free. Plus it was great for the sibs and grand kids because they all got to see dad without the expense of flying up here.

Any chance your mom would consider doing something similar. I found my dad was always glad to get back here and my sister, who he often stayed with, was always happy to see him go. (Not that she doesn't love him, but he has his own way of doing things as you know.)

Cattails
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golfgirl07, hugs to you. You probably won't "forget" the incident for a long while, but I hope you are past the worst of the reactions.

I have been having severe sleep problems. My dear husband offered to share his seroquel. Even with his dementia he knows that is what enables him to sleep through the night. I opted to get evaluated at a sleep clinic and get my own treatment plan. You and I do know better, golfgirl, but I know how tempting it is when there are pills in the house! Glad your one-time use worked out OK for you.

Hugs again,
Jeanne
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Thank you teebee! I'm really not going to do that again - I do have better sense that to even take someone's meds. I was just desperate! I may as well tell you that I even mixed it with a bourbon and sprite! Talk about relaxed - girlfriend! I cryed all day on Monday and got the entire mess out of my system. When you come so close to killing a child - it's scary - very scary!
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golfgirl... I hear you... and believe me Xanax is a great drug ... I dont me to put it down totally in my previous post. It's great for more situational anxiety, short term use... it worked great for my mother to get her through my Dad's funeral... what you described with Sunday's mental breakdown I can totally understand. As far as treatment of longer term anxiety/depression, there are better classes of drugs to use that are not so addictive. Obviously there are many situations that are not so easy to treat so individual treatment needs to be managed by a doctor or nurse practitioner!
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