Suggestions to sons and daughter for dealing with controlling elderly mothers and fathers:
Time after time, I read one story after another of primarily daughters who are being controlled or fighting being controlled by mothers who evidently have been that way most of their lives and gotten worse in old age.
My suggestion is to take this experience as an opportunity to view yourself and the one who can break the chain of fearful/anxious control being handed down for the next generation to experience by seeking your own wholeness and freedom from being controlled yourself.
It will be hard work. Might even take seveal years of therapy like it has my wife and myself in getting freedom from being enmeshed with our mothers. At first, I thought I had more freedom than I really did and that is was her who needed to cut loose. Well she did and I did, plus she needed to stop hiding behind my pants and getting me to fight her battles for her.
However, spouses will be glad you did, your marriage will be healthier, your personal well-being will find more stability, and your children will bless you for it as we adult caregivers become older ourselves.