Suddenly falling apart - Was in control until today

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My 84 year old Mom is headed to hospice and has deteriorated so much since she fell a month ago, breaking her pelvis and arm in 2 spots. I've been the strong one for our family, dealing with doctors, rehab personnel, social workers, etc. Hardly shed a tear up until this morning.

I really never had hope that mom would be going home since she was already in such bad shape with her severe COPD so the fact that she now is on heavy drugs which have affected her mind and is headed to nursing home hospice isn't really a big shock.

I was thinking that the tears and emotions of losing her would hit when she passed and am surprised at the change in me today compared to the weeks since she fell.


Dtrin, of course you are feeling profound grief. She was doing well, then all of the sudden she spirals downward. It often happens this way, a simple fall, all seems ok initially. Then it is not. We start to question whether we did everything we could have done.

Sometimes people are in and out of hospice. She may get better or she may not. My thoughts are with you in this very difficult time. Take care.
dtrinfl2, my Mom [98] had a serious fall last year that required hospitalization and before we knew it she was in Hospice. It was sad seeing her that way as it was just days prior she was dashing around her home trying to get all her household chores done [she refused outside help]. Dad finally admitted that Mom had previous falls, and who knows how much physical damage was done with those falls.

Those tears are stress related as you have been though a lot. A good cry is always good, so let it out. You know that everything that can be done for your Mom is being done. We all react differently. I know I didn't cry when Mom passed, in fact I was relieved as she wouldn't had wanted to spend the rest of her life in that condition. My Mom had a wonderful long life.
Don't be shocked. These things accumulate on us even if we're not aware of it and then here comes the flood of tears. It happens and it's natural. Everyone is different. But we all have to pretty tough folks to be in this position to begin with, doing everything we can for our loved ones so you have that confidence within you to know that.

Even though my mom had been ill for some time, a heart attack just decelerated her health and it seemed a mountain of things popped up out of nowhere fast. I couldn't process it all it was happening so quickly. It's almost like was emotionally mute for a time. But I realized her time was short, there were enough signs there, even before the doctors prepared me for hospice care. In that last week she struggled so I was profoundly relieved for her when she passed. I had said all I wanted to and prayed with her to send her on to the Lord. I thought I would cry, but I didn't. The mourning had been taking place for a few years, a little more with each set back, that by the time the end was here I was at peace. I miss her so much and dream about her a lot, but I know she is in the best hands now. Cut yourself some slack you're allowed to be human!

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