It's such a lonely job.

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When taking care of someone elderly, I always felt complete, whole but never alone. I think it's changing because my mom is gone and my best friend needed 'space' whatever that means so I feel really alone. I can't talk to my grandma because she doesn't even hear me and I get so frustrated. I try, I really do and she has dementia but its not a dementia thing. It's a hearing thing and the doctor's said that it's too late to introduce hearing aids as one of the ears is permanently giving out a hum (she was sick earlier in her life and wasn't treated) and that's the ear that works. The other ear just doesn't even hear anything so when someone talks, she hears things all wrong. I can ask her to stand up and she hears, "Eat socks?" Or I can be rambling about what the day will bring and about doctors and she will look at me and say, "The doctor is going to the store?" I look at her and answer, "i don't know what he does with his time but I know you are going to see him later on today." She still can't hear me so I find myself yelling at her the same thing after repeating it 4 times. I get frustrated then she yells back, "You don't have to yell at me. What a mean girl you are for yelling at me." But I have to yell to be heard. Suddenly when I yell she hears me. I don't have a nice little medium voice and my voice is quite loud anyway when I talk so I find it very hard to believe she can't hear me but it's true. But with all that said and done, I have no one to talk to. It's such a lonely job. My work friends and I have nothing in common anymore since I had to quit my job to care for her full time. I never did get along with my dad and it's showing its true form now that my mom is no longer in the house to play buffer. How do you guys deal with being alone? Is there any outlets you have found that works for it? I'd seek counseling but honestly between packing up a house to move in 3 months, grandma's doctor's appointments, and caring for her all the time, I honestly don't have the time to spare to go drive somewhere for counseling taking 2 hours out of my 3 hour allotted time that I have caregivers for.


I've tried playing music to help. My grandma constantly has the TV on which makes it so it isn't completely silence but there's a difference between the chatter my mom and I did and the sound of a TV going on. Any suggestions?

3 Comments

I feel lonely as well I so miss going to work, my mum doesn't talk much now, I feel lonely although my partner and I are both at home, miss my mum as she used to be.
kitty ,
i think your mother has a comprehension problem , moreso than just hearing defficiency . try to communicate by getting in close and using gestures and facial expressions . also get into a pattern and be consistant .
one time my mother was having ice cream when the hospice evaluators came to visit . when the timing was right , i picked up moms ice cream bowl and indicated that i was going to put it in the freezer until the visit was concluded . it was all body language . mom understood exactly what i was doing and the evaluaters were quite impressed . communicat , oblige , but spend most of your time listening . the elder needs to remain in control of her household or at least lead to believe they are .
I completely understand the loneliness of caregiving and the need to just talk to someone. My mom is also hard of hearing and has a hard time with her hearing aide.. makes it almost impossible to have a full conversation with her. We used to talk for hours about everything..and I sure miss those kinds of conversations with her.

MissKitty.. you are still so young at only 37.. you really need to be able to get out and talk to other people.. can you get some time away from caregiving? Maybe do some volunteer work, a part time job, try a meetup group (meetup.com).. etc. It really is nice to be able to have a conversation without having to repeat every sentence 4 or 5 times .. we all need that social aspect of life.

Be sure to take care of yourself as well..

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