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My FIL began hospice nearly two years ago. He has end stage copd and is difficult. He did not like the liquid morphine ( thought it was enbalming fluid ) and I began using, pertly for a bad back and partly for an escape ( so I thought ).
I just left detox a week ago and am attending NA meetings and taking intensive out pt. therapy classes. The drugs are now locked away in box that only the nurses have accsess to.
I am dealing with a lot of shame and guilt, because this is the first time I have ever had a substance abuse problem. I am curious to know how common this problem is.

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Hi greynite thank you for your post and congratulations for taking care of yourself to be to lean. I'm rooting for you all the way. Please remember to be kind to yrself and to take pride in acknowledging that you have a very difficult disease which you are treating. you are worth taking care of.
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This is your husband's Dad right? How much does he play a part in his care? Be proud that you have gotten help and admitted this. It really is something to be proud of. God Bless.
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Up at 1 am, because I cannot give him his atavan ( never used those ), so called a hospice nurse, she's an hour away, husband begins to cuss me out because I have awakened him. My FIL refuses to believe the patch has the same medication as he was taking. His disease is progressing, which he refuses to believe. I am so burned out.......what next, I ask myself?
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Is suspect that your experience is not an isolated incident. I doubt that there are statistics. Greynite, you have been under an incredible amount of stress. Cut yourself some slack in the blaming department. Focus any excess emotional energy you have on staying clean. You deserve that! Be proud that you've made changes, humble that you have to remain vigilant, and then move forward.
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A few drinks, sleep and shut the nightmare out. Been doing it for years. There is no escape until they die.
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I don't know if it is common. For myself, I rarely used to drink. Now I have a beer on most nights. I don't worry about it becoming substance abuse, but I know it is to help wind down from the stress. I can see how the stress would cause people to seek some kind of relief. I am glad that you got clean. That is a painful addiction to get into.
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