Stupid things people say to, or about people with dementia.....

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Mrs. R., nice people don't get dementia....and your parents are nice people. (from a Physician)


Once Mom and I were at the local fair that comes to our city each summer. We were sitting on a bench in the shade and just enjoying the day when a lady turned to me and asked " Does she still enjoy getting out?" I said "why don't you ask her, she can still hear"

My Mom had a good little titter about that one.
My mom's sister (6-yrs younger; only sibling) and I were the only 2 relatives on the front lines of Mom's downhill slide.

My aunt was in extreme denial about Mom's cognitive decline. And conveniently defended her position by refusing to educate herself about dementia. Leaving me to be the voice of reason. Killjoy. Bubble-burster. At all times.

Aunt & Mom were at post office together. Mom held up the line for 10 minutes, insisting to the postal clerk that the upcoming postal holiday was not a postal holiday. Aunt told me this story as an example of "how stressed" Mom was. (Ummm, try again.)

Aunt walked into Mom's house (tiny ranch home) one day. Mom had the bedroom radio blasting music at full volume, the kitchen radio blasting a talk show at full volume and the living room TV jabbering at full blast. Aunt told me this story as an example of "how lonely" Mom was. (Ummm, try again.)

Multiply this disconnect by Every Conversation I Tried To Have about what was really going on with Mom. My Aunt's ongoing revisionism was as exhausting and frustrating as the issue at hand.

Aunt was retired and lived closer to Mom, so there were periods when Aunt spent more time being Mom's second brain than I did. But Aunt could not and would not see it for what it was.

I sometimes wonder how much more effective I could have been if I did not have to combine my Mom Duties with constantly fighting off Aunt's twaddle about Mom's "anxiety" and "grief" and "fear" and "possible vitamin deficiency."

My MIL was given a diagnosis of dementia by a neurologist. Her sons went with her to the appointment.

She got up and said "no, I don't have dementia". And that was that, as far as two of her sons were concerned. Denial is a great defense!
Auntie Dearest on a trip to visit mom thought taking mom fora long hike in the mountains would dislodge all the "cobwebs" causing the memory problem. That was also complete disregard for chronic dizziness mom had experienced for many years! And AD is a registered nurse. Just gotta shake my head, what else is there to do?
Hubs brother about mother in law - She can't have Parkinson's dementia yet - she's still driving....
Yeah, through the garage door.
Two of my favorites are "you're mom doesn't have dementia, she's an older lady and we all forget things from time to time" and the funniest one happened the other night when I helped her with taking a shower. When she was drying off she asked me to dry off her "rump" (a term I haven't heard for ages) so as I was doing it she said "rump, rump, President Rump"! I guess you had to be there to get the value of the tears rolling down our faces laughing! Now every time I try to get her in the shower I just repeat her words and it works!
(Ex) friend said to me, "My husband will never get Alzheimer's because he reads lots of books and exercises his brain." News to (ex) friend, the brain is not a muscle.
Why do you visit your Mom every day, she won't remember anyway!!!
(Mom was in memory care assisted living facility).
Well, I see a lot of conversations about my mom that take place in front of her but don't include her at all, kind of like she is just another piece if furniture in the room. Yes she is almost blind, hard of hearing and forgetful, but she is sitting/laying RIGHT THERE!

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