Struggling with being kind to my mom who I don’t like is killing me.
I’m 58 years old. Mother is in nursing home. We have been estranged twice over the years. We are very different people and she often told me in the past how she doesn’t like me. I think it’s because I’m a lot like my Dad who she divorced years ago and hates. I’ve had therapy and learned Mother is a narcissist and very manipulative when allowed. I learned to keep my boundaries which is helpful but it is killing me to visit her and fake concern and compassion for someone I truly detest. However, she is 86, bedridden and needs my help so I keep up the charade of the caring daughter because I can’t just walk away when she has legitimate physical needs. I have learned her care at the nursing home is better when I am involved so I keep going back even though I’d rather be beaten! I don’t know how to check on her and provide for her needs but not be sucked into a relationship it’s her. I feel cruel if I don’t linger and spend time with her but having a relationship with her is causing so much internal rage I am drinking too much for any release I can get. Feel like a simmering pot ready to blow. Only other family member is my sister and she refuses to visit but one every other week which isn’t really any help.