I am struggling with a lot of different feelings.
Hello, my name is Melissa. I'm 33 and I have been taking care of my great aunt for 9 years now. I also have 2 children both girls 9 and 2 and am expecting our first boy in February. My aunt has a laundry list of ailments, dementia, heart problems (has had a quadruple bypass), trouble getting around due to a stroke 5 years ago that also led to her being on blood thinners, and 2 years ago she had a rectal tumor removed and was further diagnosed with colon/rectal cancer although she refuses any tests to see if everything was removed with the tumor or if I'd has progressed at all. She lives with my husband and I with our soon to be 3 kids.
I am currently struggling with a lot of different feelings. I'm angry all the time. My uncle (her nephew) who lives nearby can not help at all as he recently lost a leg to diabetes, and my mother (her niece) moved to Florida and has no interest in coming back to new Jersey to try to help. I'm angry at them, and I have sever resentment towards my mom who is able bodied just chooses to ignore the issue. My aunt is getting more and more abusive towards me, she says horrible things about me in front of my children she tells them I hate them and want to give them away. Which of course is not true, but she uses it as a way to lash out. My husband and I are miserable and her living with us is a huge source of tension in our marriage. She also interfears in how we raise our children. We punish and she goes behind our backs to undermine us or just flat out tells them they don't have to listen to us and our rules because we/they are stupid.
The thought of putting her in a home consumes me with guilt because I know she won't last long in one. But it is getting to be too much. Between doctors appointments (she sees 4 different types of doctors monthly) and blood tests which have to be done bi monthly I feel like I have no time to get my own stuff done making my own appointment or for my kids is hard working around her schedule. I have notice to do after school activities with my kids.
This was not the life I thought I would have. I thought I would get to enjoy my children while they were small and doing things with them. I though I would get to enjoy my marriage but again I can't because we mostly just fight due to the stress of our situation. I'm miserable and probably depressed I have been diagnosed with anxiety issues in the past and just feel like I am at the end of my rope. I just want my life back I want to be able to take my kids away for the weekend or be able to leave the house for more that an hour at a time. I just want to live. I want to be happy and I don't know how while I am in this situation.
Sorry this was so long I hope that joining this community will give me the support and positive thoughts needed to push through.