Stressful caregiver situation.
My boyfriend and I live with his 70 year old mother who has been homebound for the last 4 1/2 years, has stage 4 COPD, (still smokes 10 to 14 cigarettes a day) stage 3 kidney failure, a irreversible colostomy, heart problems, legally blind, has a brain tremor (due to alcohol abuse), is 5'3" and weighs over 200 pounds, eats continuously, has a white blood cell disorder ( going to s blood specialist) when she has to go anywhere she has to go by an ambulance because she "CAN"T" walk up or down the stairs, has dementia and alsheimers. She does not follow her doctors orders, refuses any kind of physical therapy ( she can barely walk, her legs muscles are weak from lack of exercise) all she does is lays in bed or on the couch all day and eats) everything that comes out of her mouth is a negative statement; " I'm gonna try to do this "IF I CAN". She has to be the center of attention at family gatherings ( if no one is paying attention to her she'll create something so everyone runs to her side, then she's fine,) She moans and groans all the time, she exagerrates and makes her conditions worse then what they really are because she wants people to feel sorry and pity her. I don't mean to sound mean or disrespectful, but since my boyfriend and I moved in here neither one of us has a life. She has panic attacks when I leave for a short time, she treats us like we are both "STUPID". She's hateful and mean and extremely selfish when it comes to money. My boyfriend and I are barely making it while she's accumulating $$$ and always says she doesn't have any and thats BS cuz I pay all her bills and keep her checkbook balanced. " I'll pay you back if you get this for me and she never does, so I quit doing it, She owes me enough money as it is. I can't take care of myself (health wise) because nobody will stay with her if I need to go to the doctors office. (My boyfriend works during the day) She goes to bed at 5:30 pm and gets up at 4:00 am and expects us to get up with her. The weekly grocery bills are over a hundred dollars a week and she tells me to spend 25 to 30 dollars of her food stamps. That covers all the candy, cookies, popcorn etc........ If we don't get it for her she has fits and we don't hear the end of it, so to keep the peace with her (even though we know its not the right thing to do we get whatever she wants) You can't rationally talk to her (BOY HAVE WE TRIED TILL WE"RE BLUE IN THE FACE") cuz she's always "RIGHT" or she doesn't want to hear about our problems. We don't know what to do about the situation, my boyfriend and I (our relationship) is solid. (WE ARE IN THE TOGETHER) Its just so nerve racking and stressfull being hear "ALL THE TIME" that I just want to "SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM!"