Stop trying to help Mom? - One track mind!

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I keep trying to tell her that the new home insurance can be gotten without the car insurance. That it is only a little more money with out the two policy discount. The underwriters have said we have to take another look at the car insurance. The house was approved but not the car. I can't seem to get her to separate the two in her mind. For whatever reason. She is scared that her home owners insurance is up in about five or six days. And she hasn't gotten a contract for the new insurance yet. Whatever I say to try to make her less anxious doesn't work. She still talks about the car not being approved yet. Tomorrow she is supposed to talk to the underwriter about the car.

Other things try to tell her she has negative reaction to also. In winter she was cold. I said I'll get you low-sodium soup. No the soup still has too much salt in it. Use some ketchup. No even a small amount each day adds up with too much salt. She has stage four kidney disease. I wrote up several papers with food items and how much sodium each had. And made up meal plans for her when she was first diagnosed. Told her it was the amount of salt doctor allowed for the day. She rejected every paper. Too much salt she said. But thanks for spending the time.



Barbara, I know the feeling.... once our parent get stuck on something there isn't much we can do to change their mind.

Example, my elderly Dad keeps telling me his computer doesn't work, he can't get onto the internet.... and for the past 3 years I keep telling him that he needs to get high-speed internet and to get rid of his very slow dial-up. He doesn't want to pay for wi-fi or cable service... [sigh]. We go around and around on this.

And my Mom still thinks the mailman is reading her Good Housekeeping magazine and that is why delivery is a couple of days late... this as been going on for decades. Yeah right, we live in a large metro area and the mailman is taking my Mom's magazine out of the hundreds delivered to that post office... [rolling eyes].
Hadnuff, do you suppose that obsessing about the car insurance is a more comfortable focus for her than obsessing about dying from cancer?

In the overall scheme of things, a small amount of salt or no salt is not going to cure her cancer. (If I had a fatal disease in its last stage I would eat absolutely everything I liked. But that's me. And we'll see, if the time comes.) But focusing on the salt perhaps gives her a sense that she can do something about her condition.

This must be very frustrating for you, but I'm not sure you can talk or reason her out of this behavior. It may be serving a purpose for her. How about just making sympathetic sounds, patting her on the back, nodding occasionally, and just letting her obsess?

(You might talk to her doctor or send the doctor a note, explaining the situation and asking whether it is time for an official doctor decree lifting or increasing the salt limits.)
She has stage four Kidney Disease. Not cancer. And the doctor said she could live a long time with her disease. She won't listen to the doctor or anyone. She also has obsessive compulsive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. That contributes to the problem. She has refused to try any other drugs that might work better on her disorders. I tried when she was in her early 60's to tell her that my new drug was helping me a lot. No can't change her regiment. Won't listen to doctor eighter. Oh, she has always been ridged also.

Ah, Barbara, I misunderstood.

Sounds to me that because of her other conditions (OCD etc) that my advice might still stand. Murmur vague sympathy and try to change the subject.

I don't know how old she is now, but it sounds like you have been trying, without success, for years to help her. Maybe it is just time for you to retire from the futile helper role. It ain't workin'. And you know what they say about trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results. :)
With automobile insurance, it's not the vehicle that is the problem, it is the driving history of the owner. Something tells me she has a history of minor accidents that she is not telling you about. May as well take the plates off and turn them in. She's all done driving.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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