Advice for dealing with my Stepmother, who is possibly neglecting my Father's healthcare needs.
My Father married a retired nurse years ago. He granted her medical and financial POA.
She bluntly told me she married him for his house, money, and name. My Father was Mayor Pro tem in the city where he was raised. My ancestors were one of the original settlers of the area. My Father receives oil and gas royalty checks on a monthly basis. Just wanted to provide some background.
For the past two years or more, my Father has been showing signs of memory loss. I have discussed this with the SM on numerous occasions. She would not take him to have his condition evaluated. She would tell me she does not want him on medication because of the side effects. My Father will be 87 in August. The SM is 75.
My husband's Step Father has Alzheimer's, was evaluated as soon as he began having symptoms, and for the past several years has had the best quality of life he can have considering his illness. Luckily his wife actually loves him.
My sister is also an RN. She lives in another city, but I have kept her informed about our Father's condition.
In 2011 my Father was becoming progressively worse, so much so that in the week to two week intervals between my visits, that he would sometimes not recognize me, and his conversations were becoming increasingly bizarre.
His wife has a nickname that everyone calls her. Now my Father believes the person with the nickname is a stranger, and thinks her given name is his wife. He keeps asking to "go home" and gets very agitated and sometimes aggressive in his confusion. He lives in the home his Grandfather built, it's my Father's homestead. He does not recognize his own home now.
My sister believes he is now in full blown later stage Alzheimer's/Dementia.
His wife basically has refused to have him evaluated and treated and I highly suspect she has ill intent.
I know she has left him alone for hours at a time while she runs errands, has lunches with friends, manicures and pedicures and such.
All of which I would have no problem with IF she would do or have done the right thing, the thing anyone with a heart would have done, and made sure my Father has had his medical needs looked after, and hired a professional health care worker to be with him while she does whatever so he is not left alone.
On the advice of my sister, my Mother, my Step Father and my husband, I have contacted Adult Protective Services and filed a complaint. Now the sh*t will hit the fan.
On a personal note I am scared for my Father, I feel no matter what I try to do to help him he is basically at his wife's mercy. I have tried to always do my best to maintain as decent of a relationship as I can with this woman, but now the gloves are off, as they say.
I am depressed, scared, not sleeping well, anxiety attacks....you name it.
Besides my need to seek out support groups for myself, is there anything...ANYTHING else I can do to help my Father at this point?
All advice is appreciated.
Scared in H-Town