Stepdad spending mom's Social Security checks and my dad's retirement checks.

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I feel for the lady who's brother is charging her mom's Visa card. My story is, my stepfather is abusive to my mom and she has had multiple broken bones in the past year. I discovered he had been doping her up and spending her ss checks and my dad's retirement checks. When I discovered this, he put my mom into a nursing home and she now has been diagnosed with Lewy Body Parkinsons/Dementia...She flips from one personality to another and her husband had me banned from notification lists with drs and banned from a nursing home. He has a girlfriend and has been giving my mom's stuff away. Recently he demanded to have her move to the state where I live because he "can't stand her anymore" and now that she is nearer to me, he is free to live his life with mom's and my dad's money. He was told not to spend her checks because SS won't deduct automatically her bill and he would have to turn them in once a month. Instead, he's spending it. Over the past 4 years he has spent over 60,000.00 of my mom's money. She knows this and for some unknown reason, she still "wants to be with him". He recently set up my brother who went to jail and says, "goodbye competition one" and then went to the new nursing home and have them thinking I'm a trouble maker. I have travelled back and forth for months (4 hr round trip) to help them and now my health is bad and since my mom is closer, they think I should stop everything and jump at their every whim. My stepdad is truly a mean man and he has no intentions of letting my mom move in with him and yet he has her believing she is. She refuses to believe anything my brother and I tell her. She thinks we are trying to cause trouble while he laughs all the time about it. Recently my husband and I went to their home to collect things to help stepdad move and we saw the most discusting sight. He has been leaving their dog in his own feces and urine throughout the house. The dog was so lethargic and it broke my heart and made me sick. Long story short, we have the dog now who is now happy and healthy. However, mom is accusing us of stealing her dog when in fact, her husband wanted him gone. I have made plans two months ago to go on a trip for a few days to get some rest and now both of them are furious with me. Saying I am so selfish and inconsiderate. I have spent every day all day long on phone with those two for months and cannot get on with my life or my job as a photographer. I am at my wits end. This man's evil text messages and voicemails have truly made me sick and mom doesn't want to hear them. He will do all these things and then go all lovey dovey to her. The nursing home was informed as to how he treats her and every time he throws a fit at the home, no one will turn him in and when I do, they ignore me. Mom only gets confused when he's around or has had one of his "talks" with her. I do not know what to do. I have lost so much weight, can't eat or sleep or get rest. I do love my mom with all my heart and seeing this happen is making me sicker. This man only wants my mom's and dad's check and has admitted he does not want the dog or mom to live with him and for the past 2 weeks she has been making plans on how fix up the new apt. The nursing home explained she will lose her help and benefits should she leave and she still says she is going. The new apt is right next door to the home. Now she is accusing me of stealing her belongings and dog. She disowned my brother last week and me yesterday. I do not know what to do. If I do not respond to their calls or texts, they accuse me of all kinds of things. This man is always one step ahead of us and proudly admits that nothing we say or do, will mom believe us. On her good days, she is defiant against him and is strong...after he is done with her, she turns on us for not "feeling sorry for him"..I have done everything there is to do. My fear is that he will change his mind and take back the dog and the dog will die with him. My other fear is a reality, he will not take care of mom. We took them out with my oldest nephew's family last week and her husband didn't lift one finger to help. After that, he threw a fit and screamed and yelled at me that he was done with mom. The next day, he goes and rents an apt next to nursing home and they want me to cancel my trip to move him in. Since it is obvious mom isn't going to listen to us and understand our fears of her being in danger with that man, is there anyway I can turn him in for spending mom's checks? They do have it automatically deposited in a joint accnt. She wants to open her own accnt but after his fake tears and lovey dovey crap, she changes her mind. I do not know what to do. If I stay clear of them, I will be accused of not loving them and if I do things for them, I'm not doing enough....Any advice would be helpful...please.


This is a horrible story. First of all, call the police. See if they will do anything. Hopefully you have all the texts and proof of what you are saying. Hindsight is 20/20 but you should have documented EVERYTHING, ie, dog living in feces and condition of the house, etc. You NEED NEED NEED a lawyer right NOW. Your mother is not mentally competent. It also sounds as if what he is doing with the money is in violation of the law when it comes to making sure she is cared for in a nursing home. I would think that if she is diagnosed with a mental incapacity you would have several strong legs to stand on. I wouldn't do anything TODAY but address this in a legal manner. God bless you.
Also, have you had a background check done on this guy? How long have they been married? Do you know if he has any criminal behavior in his past? I would call him a master manipulator with you mother.
I am my husbands caregiver and understand how hard this is for you. Social Services has a department called Elder Abuse. I would call them and tell them your story. They are there to help.
Adult Protective Services - they can pull medical records of broken bones and do a psych eval/ counseling with your Mom
Thank you all for your comments..all the suggestions are in consideration at this moment..Everything is documented and has been reported. The biggest hurdle we have is that his sister is a multimillionairess and he was left a huge trust which she will not give him and he is doing this to my mom out of revenge. We cannot get him to sue her over his trust. So far, the finance woman at the home knows all about his "actions" and it is being "watched" as I was told. I am currently in the process of gathering up all my evidence and going to Adult Protective Services..Elder Care is aware of all this. All the prior evidence of his behavior to others cannot be collected because the woman has passed away. His sister just wishes he would vanish. My hands, as I was told are tied because I do not have Power of Attny over her. He is her husband and I was told, by law, that makes me "second" as it is written on the POA papers. The situation with the dog has changed and he admitted to mom he does not want him back so the dog is now my adopted dog, thank God for that. My biggest mistake is not taking my camera and photographing that house but I will be returning to it in 2 weeks to get more stuff and my camera will be with me. Hopefully with my texts, voicemails, and photographs, APS will be eager to step in. One more thing, he has the bank accnt locked. Meaning the only statements can be found on computer with his personal finger print and he changed banks because my name was on the other accnt. As I said, he is always one step ahead. Looking for a lawyer now...Thank you all for commenting
Try everything and everything. Report the man to the Social Security Administration. If he is harassing you and/or threatening you keep all the emails and file for a restraining order that prevents him from doing so in the future. You will need as much evidence as you can come up with to convince a judge that you need a RO.

Who has POA?
Good luck!
To Suzmarie: he has power of attny, I'm second....
To frustrated2: they have been married 16 years..His treatment of her has been going on four 4 years ever since I got married.....he has made comments he wants me as his mad I got married. I've been telling drs for years that her condition was due to drug overdose but they have not listened to me at all...I have proof one med he convinced a dr to put her on, causes Parkinson like symptoms because I was on it and quickly taken off...He gave mom the same pills every 2 hours for months and now she is permenently mental ill...Can't get no one to believe me....
Here's a to do list for you:
1. Get a lawyer and get POA or Guardianship of your mother. This may take several weeks and a lot of money. Guardianship of my husband took one month and $1500.
2. Contact SS and get named designated payee and talk to the Elder Abuse people.
3. Contact your dad's pension plan people and have that sent to a separate account under your control. This may be possible only after doing #1.
4. Contact your local law enforcement and report everything with the documentation of physical abuse, neglect and fraud.
5. Find another doctor for her and have all her meds and treatment evaluated. Get someone at the nursing home on your side. Does the nursing home use a doctor that she hasn't seen? Also, this may be possible only after #1.

How is he talking to her doctors and getting her medicine changed? Is the POA a written document or is it just an assumption that the husband has POA? In my state, a spouse has to go through the court system to get POA, with the agreement of the named spouse, and file it at the courthouse and give a copy to any doctors, rehab homes, and bank accounts or utilities, etc. that are in the patient's name. I couldn't even discuss an electric bill without POA or guardianship. Check with the nursing home to see if they got a copy and if they don't, he probably does not have POA. Get a lawyer and have yourself named her guardian. That is something totally different. Since she has to agree to POA and she is mentally incapacitated that would be the way to go.
Also, check with the SS office to see if he is designated payee. If not, he has no right to do anything with her check. If he isn't, get your name on the list for designated payee and have them put it in a separate account or use the SS cash card for payment. Designated payees must file a report once a year stating how much was used for food, shelter, clothes, doctors, meds, etc. Tell them you think he may be falsifying the report if he is the payee. That way his new bank account won't be getting a check deposited each month.
I presume your dad has passed away or he would be getting the money. Your dad's pension must have had her as primary beneficiary. Contact the company's Human Resources dept. or the pension's fund coordinator (maybe a union?) and see what they can do for you.

Good luck
PS restraining order: you can have a person restrained from coming within a certain amount of feet/yards from you/restrained from emailing/calling/writing etc. You probably want the latter but maybe you could try for both. Once he is not able to contact you he might start showing up at your door or workplace or....hence keep him away from you physically. Include in your statement you fear for your safety and be able to say why

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