Sometimes I just need someone to talk to maybe I need to go to counseling but who has time?

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Parents have been living with me for nearly a year-my dad is 90 and my mom is 85. She has some dementia issues but the worst thing right now is not sleeping. She's on trazadone, but it doesn't seem to work for her. So naturally she is bummed out. She has not had a pleasant life and has made statements that she wishes she would never wake up or that she really has nothing to live for. My husband says not to take it personally and most of the time I don't, but it still stings. I am the youngest of 4, even though I consider myself an only child most of the time that happens to have older siblings haha! Anyway, thanks for the vent. It could be worse and I just need to count my blessings.

7 Comments

I certainly would go to counseling. It's a huge and stressful situation to care for two seniors in your home, one having dementia. My goodness. I can't even imagine it. I would not downplay it. It's a big deal and very challenging. I wouldn't push your feelings aside. Let them out in appropriate ways. That's important. A support group, this site, counselor, etc. Great avenues.

I know that people with dementia may say things that they don't mean and that they may not even know what they are saying. I'd keep that in mind. Hang in there.

Can you get some outside help with your parents to help you out? That's a lot for one person.
I am not sure they would be happy with anyone coming in from the outside-my mom already feels humiliated when I have to help her with the bathroom (which really isn't often) I just don't think my siblings really want to help, although they say they do. I really don't like asking them for help. Out of the 3, only one sister is really helpful anyway. She lives 2 hours away and has her own family and grandchildren. The other sister lives 45 minutes away, in our parents house, and is not the caregiving type-way more interested in herself. The brother, well he will be 65 this year and I believe he thinks he is eventually going to come here to live for me to take care of. That's NOT going to happen. My 70 year old father in law also lives here but he is self sufficient-I just have to do his laundry and make sure he stays on the wagon. He is an alcoholic but 5 months sober. Unfortunately I had to threaten to kick him out or commit him in order for him to get it together. It may not last but I certainly hope it does.
Yes, I know that sometimes seniors or those with dementia may be resistant to the idea of outside help, but, at times they may not be thinking clearly or not realize that it's not realistic for one child to do it all. Sometimes, they just have to accept it. You can't rely on their approval all the time. They may not know what is best for themselves. Do you have Durable POA?

You know them, but, it may be that at a certain point, they can't keep driving the train. More sensible and practical measures may be needed.

So you also take care of your FIL? I wish you all the best, but, that's a lot of work and responsibility for one person and no help? I'd have to fix that real fast. I'd be concerned about my own health holding up. Clearly, the seniors you care for do not understand the severity of the situation. I'd explore the options very soon. Good luck.
I think you need to take the time to get counseling for your own good.

I also think the doctor needs to know that your mom's trazadone is not working so maybe another drug can be tried. There are a lot of anti-depressants on the market and sometimes it is trial and error before finding the right one.

To the above, I would add having a heart to heart talk with your husband about your parents' increasing need for more care as time goes on and what your plans are going to be. At some point, your mother's dementia will become far more than you can care for. So, I suggest looking at the big picture.
thesecondfirst,
I have felt just like you.I just need someone to talk to that "gets" my situation,just to vent and listen and care and I couldn't leave my Mom either but I found this wonderful website and it has helped me in so many ways,so many days.Agingcare has been my lifesaver while I still had Mom and now that she's gone.These fellow caregiver's "get" me.Hang in there and Bless you for helping your folks.Lu
Today was actually a very good day. After the day we had, I decided to give my mother 1/2 of a 10mg ambien last night (yes I have read all the bad stuff) and she slept soundly all night. She was alert and in a chipper mood-we even went and had pedicures (I cannot cut toe nails. Can't) She's been so desperate to sleep and I feel certain her talking about wanting to die was a result of exhaustion. We have an appointment in the next few weeks with her doctor, so I am going to talk to him about the trazadone not working-I know he worries about giving her ambien because of the risk of falling, but my dad gets up with her every night for the bathroom, and she has a bedside toilet. She's had 2 hip surgeries in the last year with the last one in February and she uses a walker but is getting around much better or I would not even think about giving it to her. CMagnum-I agree I do need to look at the big picture and I am trying. My husband and I both also work full time but I am lucky enough to work from home. This is all new to us. We also live in a neighborhood full of my husband's family and they are supportive, at least mentally, for me. And I am glad I can come to this site and ask for advice without feeling like I am being judged. (which is how I feel sometimes with my own family) Thanks y'all ;)
Thesecondfirst - you don't need counseling, you have US!

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