He keeps going in to have a bowel movement to see if he's done from the last time today.

Yes, some do seem to develop an obsession, from what I've heard in my caregiver support group. My husband didn't. Must just be the luck of the draw. The thought of possibly being caught short while out of the house probably contributes to the obsession, don't you suppose?

Just keep up the loving relationship and hope for no obsession worse than this one!

90% of the elderly people I've known and/or worked with were obsessed with their bowels.

Thank you. Glad to hear I'm not the "wierd" one.

Yea my mother has dementia but she wont get on the toilet alot of times we have to make her go every 15 or 20 mins. Or she will do it in her depends and she has a bowel movement alot lately

Just a thought is it possible this obsession is the end product( possible bad pun) of the toilet training they had and then used on their kids. With the increased use of indoor toilets mothers were encouraged to toilet train their kids as early as possible even before they could walk and also seemed to use enemas a lot to force bowel movements. You were expected to have one per day ,This is what the Doctors were saying then. It seems that the oldest behaviors are the ones that last the longest when one looses other skills.

I agree. All old people seem to worry about going to the bathroom. At least your dad wants to go out. Dementia or not, it is frequently used as a reason not to go to events. Might have to go to the bathroom. Wouldn't want to be anywhere but home. Wanting to overuse laxatives and then come UTI's.

If possible, try a regular exercise program like daily walks and do it everyday about the same time, seven days a week. Start them off gradually and build them up. That really helps with obsession fixations. I know when my mom got obsessed with opening locks and door and wandering, but daily walks really helps and it's not nearly as bad. It's worth a try replacing one fixation with another. Now she's obsessed about her daily walks! That's a good obsession!

I think that every dementia patient has symptoms that are similar to some others but it affects each and every person differently. Obsession with BM is common phenomenon with a lot of people and I have noticed that as they get older it seems to be a constant conversation with their friends too!

I knew two of them, and I must say that I never heard of such a thing, so to me this would actually sound very unusual

Yes i think it is common in the elderly. Their bodies don't work the same and are always concerned what may happen when they are out. If accidents happen in the house take a bag of supplies when you're out. Diapers, wipes, even a change of clothes. Not only may you need it, but your love one may relax a bit knowing they are covered when they go out

100% of us are obsessed with our bowels. By the way, what we do in the bathroom is a private matter. I personally do not like other people eyeballing me while I am in the bathroom whether I am five, ten, twenty, fifty, or ninety. My body is private, my private space, especially while my pants are down. I ask that no person touch it without permission, and that includes looking at what's under my underwear. Guys and gals are both obsessed about their bowels. We all have weird habits. It's none of my business to eyeball another person, even out of "concern" or "for their own good." To be respectful means to give that person privacy. This means turning away, keeping that door closed, period. I know you are afraid of a fall, but dignity is so, so important. Bathroom commentary belongs only in our stand-up comedy, in our darkest humor, and in our bad jokes, and in the bathroom. Shut the door and give your dad the privacy he deserves. This is a vital human rights issue, in fact, it is the law in some situations.

Couldn't agree more for myself scammed - sadly my mother does NOT agree she wants with with her be it a urine output or an evacuation. Additionally in my bathroom which is tiny if Mum falls she falls right in front of the door and that would mean I couldn't get in either so closing the door isn't an option.Somewhere in her brain it has registered that the toilet is where she has had all but one fall all caused by TIAs so she is actually scared to be alone in the toilet and she actually wants me to face her and talk to her - her hearing isn't good enough if I face away from her so I actually have no choice if I am to make her comfortable.

As for commentary it is only by sharing that people can learn what is normal in this world and unless the familial carers have been trained that is the ONLY way they can learn. It may be the law to abuse people's dignity - indeed in most countries it is law but it is also law not to put vulnerable people at risk.

Factors
History of falls; Yes almost always on toilet
wheelchair use; Yes
65 years of age; female Yes and Yes
use of assistive devices (e.g., walker, cane) yes
Presence of acute illness; Yes
visual difficulties; Yes
hearing difficulties; Yes
arthritis; Yes
sleeplessness; Yes
vascular disease; Yes
Diminished mental status (e.g., confusion, delerium, dementia, impaired reality testing) Yes
Medication Yes
diuretics; Yes
antianxiety agents; Yes

Given all of the above I will stay with her and if that means facing her to keep her calm and seeing she gets the fastest help she can then quite frankly the law is an ass

Well.. I can say, at least your loved one will sit on the toilet. :-) My dad (with Lewy Body) will not use the toilet. He will squat on the bathroom floor. We have tried a variety of things to help him locate the toilet, with no success. He even fights me if I am helping him to sit down.

I think most folks who have an awareness of their decline are very concerned about having "accidents". Many of them feel ashamed when bowel control is lost. Randomly or regularly. You are a wonderful and patient daughter. It may help you dad feel more confident if you use a back pack to carry any needed items while you are out; depends, wipes, plastic bags, extra outfit etc.

Don't sweat the small stuff! Seniors without dementia "obsess" over defecating. I guess television makes it a problem and the need for their product, but no, anyone who has had an accident defecating in their pants does not want to repeat that. I have had "accidents" where I could not get to the toilet fast enough and I don't have dementia. Just give him time. I can always find my husband in the bathroom - doing what he wants to do. At 93 yrs. God bless him and many more birthdays!

This is very very common for older people not just dementia patients. My mom and my aunte both obcessed about it. My aunte to the point that she refused to eat because she hadn't had a bowel movement, used suppositories so much she brused her rectum. No amount of reason would change her mind. Have had several clients who had no dementia issues that where like that too. I think from my exp that when the body isnt in great working order older folks fixate on this. It's just another piece of the loss of control puzzel aging adults deal with. Anxiety about even common things creeps in because they dont feel in control anymore. Just support him and he'll be fine.

Remember many of our 80 plus never had an indoor toilet until later in life. I was in 5th grade. This could account for problems now. If farm person & out in the field certainly no toilet nearby so squat in the field. The old ways are their now memories.

My poor proper mother was this way. Except she was terrified of passing away and defecating and urinating all over herself, Shewas scared to the point 2 weeks before she passed away the claimed incontinence until the hospice nurse inserted a catheter. Then she quit eating. She was asking people if it was true one urinated and passed BM when they died. It was so sad, Perhaps this person is scared of the same thing happening. Bless his and your heart for your concern for him.

When I took my mom out i would always pack wipes, extra pull ups and a pair of pants. I showed her what i packed and this definitely eased her fears. my mom only had a BM 2x per week and that was her normal her entire life. When she would only eat a little, I knew it was time for a BM. Unfortunately my mom forgot how to push. Myself and my son took turns sitting with her encouraging her to push. After a while, she decided she liked my son better then me! I see no problem staying in the bathroom if it helps either to encourage, control safety issues or help clean up. For me it was just to do whatever needed to be done to make things easier for my mom.

My Mom does not have that problem,but will hold her urine until she gets into the bed; even though we take her to the bathroom frequently and allow her to sit for 1/2 hour or more.

my mom is 85 and has to be told to go to the bathroom or she will fill her depends. she also has to be watched and told to wipe herself and to allow the tp to fall into the toilet and not obsess over it and look at it each time she wipes herself or she will just stare at it and ask what to do with it and if I step away even for a second she places it in the garbage can. she also has to be told to stand up when done, pull up her depends and pants and wash her hands. every little thing so when someone on here says that they need to be left alone well I disagree. she would sit there all day long if I didnt tell her what to do.

Yes its very common.... but to be fair its not just dementia/Als people that obsess over it but a common thing among the elderly....

ibeenscammed - You are very simply and completely WRONG about this. People with dementia are like small children, and just like small children they must be cared for. That includes managing toileting issues. As someone else here said - this can be one of the indignities of old age. Maybe, given your issues with personal privacy, you'll never get there. But for those of us who have loved ones who HAVE, we MUST take care of them, which includes monitoring their input and output FOR THEIR OWN HEALTH. Cleaning up is often part of this.

Reality: it's better than living on the banks of de Nile. (Denial - if you missed the reference)

Who is wrong please? All I said was I cannot give her privacy because she wont do a thing then.

Very helpful, indeed. Thanks.

Just dawned on me something else. My kids were born before 1974. At that time, where I live there were few, if any, public bathrooms especially in grocery stores or big store like Target. So, I always made sure the kids "went potty" before ever leaving the house. It was sooo embarrassing to ask a clerk if my child could use their restroom. Then it was the employees' bathroom way in the "boondocks" and was used also as a storage room. Now, there are a lot of public restrooms in stores and even in public shopping malls.

My mom was diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago and seems overly concerned with bowel movements, she sometimes tries to go 2 or 3 times a day. When she was able she would complain to her doctor that she was constipated. She was prescribed Miralax to encourage regular movements but does not like to drink it. She takes iron supplements which can lead to constipation but was concerned before the supplements began. She will sit on the toilet for long periods and does not want to be disturbed.

My dad was raised by a mother who believed healthy bowels were the most important thing in the world. Not an issue when he was younger and healthier, just kind of funny quirk. When he got Parkinsons and this became an issue--not so amusing. He had to have one good movement a day or he was miserable, and this is even when he was no longer eating.

I think it is almost a "leftover" health thing from the 20's and 30's. My old client was also obsessed with everything about her bowels. Good thing I have a strong stomach.

Very common. Mom wouls sit on toilet for an hour if left alone. She strains so that she keeps her hemorrhoid out.
Stool softener is given in hospital and rehab and I was told to keep her on it . So this makes it easy to pass stool without messiness of a Laxative.
Nothing will take this obsession away but it can lesson if reminded of their earlier bm.

O hate to tell u, but hospitals still think you need to go every day. Have a problem everytime Mom is in. They give and end home softeners and laxatives. Takes awhile to get her back to normal. Her doctor has told me if she goes 3 days then give her Phillips. Told him to make a note of this because I'm having the hospital call him when they try all this stuff again. I'm telling them no laxtives or softeners. They don't help anyway.