Some people like being a martyr.
Have been reading some responses to people who are reaching out because they are realizing that care for a person with dementia is just to much for them no matter how much they love mom/dad.The pompous ,holier than thou responses are just , I don't know, jaw dropping. I suppose these people are the ones that sing the loudest in the church choir. People get tired, especially when they aren't medically oriented like a nurse or nursing assistant. I think these people that like to drag their cross with them like the attention they must get from others around them about how wonderful they are to take care of mom/dad.It also gives them an excuse to not have a life, some people are afraid to live out in the world,caring for mom/dad becomes their excuse,and hey who wouldn't like to be seen as a saint.But when people come on here, and you can hear the frustration, exhaustion,despair in their writing,sometimes love isn't enough.We really are the first generation that is having to deal with this onslaught of dementia and there will be more to come.So far I am lucky, my mom is just NPD, no dementia YET but I am sure my time will come and I am taking care of someone that was emotionally abusive to me. Many people on this board are taking care of a parent that was abusive to them, it ain't all roses and chocolate.So to those folks that want to browbeat the poor ,despairing ,exhausted person that is just reaching out for a little understanding how about just leaving them alone,and stop making statements that they must be heartless, or don't love their parent,h*ll I hate mine and I am taking care of her and she lives like a queen. And for those that are "martyrs" when you sit your b*tt down in church you d*mn well know there are many people that can't go to church because they are at home taking care of mom/dad because they can't get any relief.